Right and Tight - Succinct Crafting From Disney

www.disneypictures.net

Okay, I think I’ve waxed long on the Disney theme for now, so this is my last post using Disney works in story crafting. If you want to check on my previous posts related to plotting with the songs of Disney, you can start with this one.

Today, we’re going to chat about two important aspects of writing in which Disney reigns pretty supreme ;-) Tight Writing and Emotional Writing.

Here is a brief definition of how I’m using these two terms:

This first one is my kryptonite for sure. Tight writing does not mean the shortest distance from the first letter to the final sentence marker. It DOES mean using the fewest words to express what is needed to move the story forward.

Emotional writing is not related to the letter you send after a breakup. It is the ability to draw the greatest power from the words you’ve conveyed. The specific words chosen not only create vivid imagery, but also encourage an emotional response.

One of the ways Disney does this best is through its songs. Let’s look at a few:
I’m malicious, mean, and scary

My sneer could curdle dairy

And violence-wise my hands are not the cleanest

But despite my evil looks and my temper and my hook

I’ve always yearned to be a concert pianist.

Can’t you see me on the stage performing Mozart

Tickling the ivories ‘til they gleam

Yeah I’d rather be called deadly

For my killer show-tune medley

Cause way down deep inside I’ve got a dream.

Okay – this was the one my 14 year old mentioned as giving a lot of great info in a few words. In fact, it gives an entire backstory and a surprising yearning in this tough guy’s heart.

We have some power words for emotion too. I’ve bolded them. If the song had only used the words “mean and scary”, it would not have the same reaction as malicious. ‘sneer’ is a great word because it carries a visual as well as an emotion.

The difference we could transfer from this song to our prose writing is to convert as many helping verbs to action (more emotional/stronger) verbs.  Of course, the writers for songs are not only trying to write tight, but make the songs fit in rhyme and rhythm.

ciszaczasija.blogspot.com

How about this one with some beautiful imagery?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

……. For whether we are white or copper skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

Can you ‘see’ the power words in this song from Pocahontas – and some of the phrasing is fantastic and tight? The phrase in italics is a great example of tight writing, in which words were used succinctly to make a fabulous point (and of course, it’s also rhythmical ;-)

‘sunsweet berries’ is such a fabulous phrase. It not only gives a visual response but also a tactile one. ‘roll in all the riches’ – is a visual as well as tactile. See how the right words can carry a lot more power in shorter doses than more words?

Okay, I HAVE to use this one – ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE Disney songs for writing tight and powerfully.

thehunchblog.com

Hellfire from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Yes, surprising choice, but the phrasing, words, and imagery in this song are AMAZING.

Frollo sings this of the gypsy Esmeralda (and Frollo is quite the self-righteous and somewhat murderous fellow). I’ve included almost the entire song just because it’s SO GOOD at proving the points of this post.

Tell me, Maria, why I see her dancing there
Why her smold'ring eyes still scorch my soul

I feel her, I see her - The sun caught in raven hair
Is blazing in me out of all control

Like fire. Hellfire
This fire in my skin
This burning Desire
Is turning me to sin

It's not my fault! I'm not to blame
It is the gypsy girl - The witch who sent this flame

It's not my fault! If in God's plan
He made the devil so much stronger than a man

Protect me, Maria! Don't let this siren cast her spell
Don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone
Destroy Esmeralda -and let her taste the fires of hell
Or else let her be mine and mine alone

WHOA – anybody else feeling a sizzle in the room? Sheesh, this song is ‘smokin’’ with power words ;-) Even in this song, you can see that there is a heavy amount of action verbs used (another tip to remember for increasing the emotional impact of your writing).

A bonus about this song is its use of uncommon words, so they resonate with us more. Our brains naturally stop on them because we don’t’ see them as often. (I’m NOT advocating using really weird words as much as possible, btw). ‘Siren’, ‘sear’, ‘flesh and bone’, ‘cast her spell’. They are not as common as ‘burn’, ‘temptress’, etc.

A few quick tips:

1.       Get rid of words like ‘very’, ‘just’, ‘really’, ‘that’ or ‘some’.

2.       ‘ly’ is not necessarily a bad tag on a word, but check to see if you can change some of those ‘ly’ words into something BETTER. There are times when they are fine…maybe even needed, but check that you are not overusing them.

3.       Less is sometimes more, even during lovely descriptive phrases. If you can say the same thing, more powerfully, with fewer words – use them.

4.       Replace as many weak verbs (mostly helping verbs) with more action/descriptive verbs. Again, helping verbs have a purpose in your writing, but if you have more of them than less….change some to increase the impact of your sentences/phrases.

5.       Take a tip from our clothing choices: Too tight is uncomfortable. Too loose is usually unflattering and uncomfortable. But just right is both flattering and comfortable.

Okay - time to end our Disney chats with a solid  (and classic) 'happily-ever-after' kiss pic. Of course :-)

http://longlivethemouse.wordpress.com/2013/09/09/disney-true-loves-kiss/

 

**************************************************************************

Pepper Basham writes Blue Ridge Romance peppered with grace and humor. She’s a mom of five, a speech-language pathologist, and a lover of chocolate. She writes in a variety of genres, but enjoys sprinkling her native culture of Appalachia in them all. She is a regular contributor to Christian Fiction Online Magazine as well as developing her own blog at Words Seasoned With Salt. She is represented by 2012 ACFW Agent of the Year, Nicole Resciniti.

 

The Imposing "Write Tight" Rule

A tendency that I suffer from on my writing journey is swinging the pendulum.  I commit some heinous writer’s crime, turn into a blubbering fool over red ink splashed on my manuscript then vow never to violate the rule again.  As the pendulum swings to the pinnacle on the other side, I commit the antithesis writer's crime. 

I’ve grabbed my tissue, blown my nose and wiped my eyes.  I’m ready to give the true confessions of a write-tight-a-holic.

I thought writing tight meant carte blanche to cut descriptors of my characters and settings.  Who needed flowery descriptors of cobwebs hanging down from a skeleton wedged in rafters twenty feet overhead or details about a girl’s voluptuous walnut-brown eyes? The action would set the stage and jump-start my reader’s imagination into picturing each character and setting in his own way. True?

No? But my writing teacher said write tight, right?  That means cut words--make your point and move on to the next scene.

I thought writing tight meant cutting every adverb from the entire manuscript.  Not just –ly adverbs, but every adverb.  Did you know “not” is an adverb?  Thou shalt write strong verbs and meaningful nouns.  I searched my manuscript for any adverb with my handy-dandy “find” feature. I strangled each one with the delete key.  Muwahaha.  Even Sherlock Holmes couldn’t detect an adverb trace. 

I took these and other write tight rules to the extreme and sucked the life out of my novel. 

1.     Characters melted in a stagnant slough

2.     The plot turned to Swiss cheese--moldy Swiss cheese

3.     Themes turned monotone

4.     The flow had been dammed up with rules.

5.   My writing voice suffered from laryngitis

I needed help.  Thats when God reminded me of the saying: All things in moderation.

I scanned William Brohaugh’s Write Tight book for clues and found blessed chapter nine. “How Tight Is Too Tight?”  Brohaugh discusses: when tight writing robs rhythm, misdirects emphasis, draws away from the content, reduces clarity and other occasions when the pendulum might swing towards too tight writing including my favorite: when tight writing is just plain wrong.  I couldn’t believe he wrote those words!

Brohaugh gave me permission to use the necessary words to convey a thought, word paint a setting, breathe life into characters, proclaim a theme, weave a plot, and instill excitement, fear, hope, joy, trauma, etc. Next week I'll discuss how to steady the pendulum when writing tight.

I leave you with a parting example worthy of Goldilocks and porridge:

Too Tight:  Jeff ate the poisoned apple then died.

Too Loose:  Jeff gratefully gave into his hunger pains, reached into the overflowing teak fruit bowl on the marble kitchen counter by the porcelain dog-shaped cookie jar, and ravenously snatched the very first red delicious apple he touched. He hurriedly thrust the apple into his mouth and forcefully chomped deep into the white flesh.  Choosing not to delay satisfying his anguish, he roughly swallowed the meat whole. As he quickly drew the tantalizing apple near his face again he briefly noticed two tiny syringe-like holes near the stem. Jeff gasped in utter terror as he fearfully recalled the words of the illusive Mr. Black, and weakly collapsed on the cool red terracotta floor and died.

Just Right:  Jeff gave into his hunger pains. He snatched an apple from the kitchen and gulped the first bite before chewing. As he drew the fruit to his face again he noticed two syringe-like holes near the stem.  He gasped in terror as Mr. Black’s words replayed in his mind, “You’ll never survive to testify.”  The room swirled.  Jeff grabbed the counter to steady himself.  He couldn’t focus. A dark cloud enveloped him and yanked his testimony to the grave.

Learning newbie writing rules is important. Balancing the spirit of these rules is crucial. What rule have you sparred with in your writing journey?