When Your Scene Stirs A Reader's Heart

How can we write scenes that stirs a reader's heart?

A story that stirs a reader's heart is so much more than a story. 

It's more than a signature on a contract with a publisher. 
      more than a name of the cover. 
      more than top billing on Newsweek's list or a mention by Oprah.
      more than copies in a prominent place in a bookstore or online. 
      more than recognition at conferences.
      more than a huge fan base.
      more than a royalty check.
      more than the word count met for the day.

It produces an engaged reader. 

One whose life is potentially changed. The reader might be a hurting heart reaching out for a new way to solve a problem, or a discouraged reader who just needed to see that happy endings really exist, or even a stressed mind that longed for a new world if only for an hour.

To write a scene that stirs a heart we must first ask ourselves: what are the primary reasons we write stories?

I've listed some of the desires above that in truth, we as writers really want. But when these truths become the focus, they water down the stories and drive readers away.

This is not our calling.

When we truly write for the Reader whose heart longs to be stirred instead of ourselves we will begin to reap the benefits listed above.

How can we write scenes that stirs a reader's heart?

I recently returned from a drive through the Smokey Mountains. The road ended in Gatlinburg. My focus had been on seeing the sun in nature. When I returned, my friends asked, so how did Gatlinburg look? What damage is still there from the fire in December?

The city proper looked fine. That is what I'd noticed and what I reported. Hardly words from a writer. But I had seen the fire damage in the mountains and hills surrounding the city. Firefighters worked tirelessly to keep flames from destroying the business district. But, during the time, outlying homes burned leaving charred shells. Fallen black timber cluttered the land for acres into the mountains.

I missed an opportunity to show my friends what their hearts wanted to see.

I shall make up for this faux pas with this description of something beautiful out my window to brighten your day:

A male cardinal landed on wood. Sun shone on his feathers creating an explosion of red. This was no ordinary shade of red because deep crimson is different than the saucy strawberry red over vanilla ice cream. He is saucy strawberry.  Behind him, a stand of winter pines mirrored on a lake. The dark colors enhanced his berry reds glowing in the light.

This literally just happened. Do you have the picture in your mind? Quiz me. I put the photo lower in this post.

This is the main point of today's post. As story crafters, our job is not to move the story along, find new ways to keep the words flowing, meet deadlines, or any of a thousand other details we let bog us down. Our job is to show the reader what their heart wants to, longs for, and needs to see.

There are many foundational topics that can help us stir a reader's heart. 

Intellectual passages can stir a reader's heart. Ah, yeah. It's true. I read a fiction story about an African tribal wedding. The ceremony was polar from what we see in America. The writer, who had lived in Africa, took me there. She taught me the rituals and reasons in story format. What an experience to see this in words.

Emotional scenes/passages stir a reader's heart. This comes second nature to us, but here are some things to weed out and thereby enhance our emotional scene:

*After being told a gazillion time, I finally see why cliches are bad bad bad in story writing.

A cliche does not stir a reader. The words did the first time they blackened the page. In fact, the first time the phrase appeared in print it received kudos and ovations. But not the second, third, or any other time. Cliches don't add color, humor, or depth. What actually happens is Reader sees the cliche and is immediately transported AWAY from your story to the last one she read the cliche in. 

She left your story for another! Divorced you. Seriously! Her mind was instantaneously beamed to another venue, far away and she is walking in that setting...not yours.

For example: I love, love these groups of words, which have now become a cliche: "Go ahead, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me." Isn't that awesome? So clear. It paints a vivid picture. Drips sarcasm. Oh yeah. I laugh each time I--wait for it--visualize the original scene. The longer I think about that scene, the more I think of the rest of the original story. Oh, yeah, baby, my mind is gone from wherever it was supposed to be. This is what happens when a reader sees a cliche in your work. Even in dialogue.

Moral: Writers who use cliches lose readers.

*Instead, create stellar key phrases that transport readers so deep into your story the only way she can get out is to keep reading to the last page...even then, your well written snippets will continue to pinball around in Reader's mind hours and days later. 

These key phrases should be unique. Not original ideas, because those can be really hard to forge. What is needed is new ways of saying a phrase, like the glacial pace one mentioned which is a spin off of "your as slow as a snail." When writing or editing your story look for fresh ways to communicate the words. Yeah, that instruction practically is a cliche. I'm not talking about creating a new language or inventing individual words, although I have done that myself. Simply, create groups of words that keep the reader locked in the scene in every way. Emotionally, intellectually, and if written well--kinesthetically.  

The cardinal photo I mentioned above. How nice of him to pose for me.






I can't wait to read your comment(s)!

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Photo Courtesy of this post's opening frame

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Mary Vee -  Rock climbing, white-water rafting, zip lining, and hiking top Mary's list of great ways to enjoy a day. These activities require lots of traveling, which is also tops on her list. For some crazy reason, the characters in Mary’s young adult mystery/suspense fiction stories don’t always appreciate the dangerous and often scary side of her favorite activities. Unbelievable.

Mary studies marketing and writing skills, and pens missionary and retellings of Bible stories on her ministry blog, God Loves Kids. She has been a finalist in several writing contests.

Visit Mary at her website, blog, and her ministry blog to families: God Loves Kids. Or chat on Facebook or Twitter

Mary has a new release. A Virtual Tour of Italy. If you have ever gone to Italy, plan to go, or wish you could, this virtual tour will take you there. Color photos. Videos. And more! Click here to learn more

All subscribers to Mary's newsletter will receive her novella, an intriguing suspense/mystery. Come, read a good story. To get your free gift, sign up for the newsletter at Mary's website  Never Give Up Stories. Join the adventure!

Snip Skimming in the Bud: How to be Eloquent and Snappy

Skimming. A writer’s nightmare. Here we are pouring intense thought and meticulous planning into each layer and fold of our story... but the reader is getting antsy. And thus, missing the sheer genius of those carefully prepared words.

I hate to admit that I do this sometimes. Skim. A sacrilege! And I know that some poor misguided reader has likely glaze over those precious details I've slaved over to get to the meat.

Because I write suspense I tend to be driven by action, pacing, and cliff hangers. But interestingly enough, I am equally wooed by the details, the little nuances of romance that tease and excite until we are chomping at the bit for more.

 

The point here is balance.

We’ve all been schooled with rulers to “show don’t tell,” because well, a plainly told story would bore us all to tears. We want to touch, taste, smell, see, and hear everything the characters are feeling because therein lies the magic of story. It’s power to transport us outside of ourselves into another dimension.

But sometimes, more isn’t really better for the reader. The excess becomes clutter, it bogs our pace, dwindles our excitement, and your beautiful message-your long labor of love-becomes the casualty of overwriting.

To sound official I am going to coin this affliction Hyperwriteosis. Please consult your editor if symptoms worsen.

Prescription to keep you snappy (Use in moderation):

-Insert action tags to break up heavy introspection.

If we can see what is happening outside of the mind, how the person responds physically, we are more inserted into the moment and the scene has movement. Your page will have a pulse. 

         -Sprinkle in your senses.

            Susan May Warren does a great job teaching about utilizing the five senses in every scene. If they are all present, they almost disappear and the scene is alive all around you. But don’t plop them all in at once because it becomes an information dump. And you don’t want your scene to read like a checklist. 

            Yep, she’s smells the dank air of the alley. The brisk wind shivers through her coat. It’s umm… dark, and the casts of shadows warn that she’s not alone. She can taste her own fear as nervous bile creeps up and spills onto the back of her tongue. And well, despite the cold, her fingers are slick with sweat. These are all great things to know, and each detail is a new smear of paint on your canvas, but I doubt your character notices them all at once so why paint like a three year old?

-Write with purpose.

            Everything you plant on that page needs to be a seed. Some thoughts are seedlings—little sprouts of insight into your characters personality, their uniqueness, their setting, what makes them tick. Other thoughts have roots that run deep under the foundation of your story. They peel away motivations and fears. They raise the stakes and bring the house down when we get hit with the black moment. Bam!

            My point is, don’t waste your words of things that aren’t important to your story. The reader is smarter than you think and will not always be patient with your tangents. They will skip over your nonsense, or simply become annoyed by the delay, and forgo the rest of your fabulous book.

-Create compelling characters.

            Yes, this is fiction so we get to play. We could technically sculpt some super fine hero with rock-hard abs and a smile dangerous enough to be illegal in all 50 states. But we also want these people to seem real. Beautifully flawed. We want to fight through their struggles alongside them. Believe in them. Creating characters with honest vulnerability can be a challenge. Sometimes it’s easier to write the uber-confident-smokin’-hot-bad-boy/nice-guy that any woman would trade her left ovary to ride off with into the sunset with. But we don’t fall in love with cardboard cutouts. We fall in love with wonderfully broken pieces of humanity that somehow fit with our own. Make these people and their problems real and relate-able. Your reader will swoon and will most definitely stay tuned.

-Write a chasing pace.

            It doesn’t have to have an actual chase scene with explosions and tumbling cars to have a fast pace. It can be an achingly slow and tender kiss scene that reads like a pedal to the metal ride on the Autobahn. Keep your sentences short. Stay away from large blocks of script or dialogue. And for me personally, puh-lease avoid reader uncertainty. Be clear about what is happening. Okay, so what, they are kissing. Not all kisses are created equal. If I am bored during a kiss scene you are missing the boat! Utilize those senses; draw me in so I can see it play out like a scene from a movie. If I don’t know where anyone’s hands are, what they are thinking, feeling, or even if they are still kissing after an unspecified time elapses, am I to assume it was a crusty peck kiss? Oh, that will win her over! You can be specific without being graphic. Your reader will thank you! They will sigh and remember exactly what it is like to be kissed senseless. Ow ow!

When do you feel you usually start skimming? And do you have anything other remedies to add to my prescription?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Amy Leigh Simpson writes romantic mysteries with honesty and humor, sweetness and spice, and gritty reality covered by grace. When she’s not stealing moments at naptime to squeeze out a few more adventures in storyland, she’s chasing around two tow-headed miscreants (Ahem)—boys, playing dress up with one sweet princess baby, and being the very blessed wife to the coolest, most swoon-worthy man alive. Amy is a Midwestern-girl, a singer, blogger, runner, coffee-addict, and foodie. Her Sports Medicine degree is wasted patching up daily boo boo’s, but whatever is left usually finds its way onto the page with fluttering hearts, blood and guts, and scars that lead to happily ever after.

Check out her NEW romantic mystery novel FROM WINTER'S ASHES! Available NOW!

Created for Love Stories

 

"...should I draw you the picture of my heart it would be what I hope
you would still love though it contained nothing new. The early
possession you obtained there, and the absolute power you have
obtained over it, leaves not the smallest space unoccupied."
-Abigail Adams to John

"I shall cork up all my kindness--yet the volatile essence may fly off
in my walk--you know not how much tenderness for you may escape in a
voluptuous sigh, should the air, as is often the case, give a
pleasurable movement to the sensations, that have been clustering
round my heart, as I read this morning--reminding myself, every now
and then, that the writer loved me."
-Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley to William Godwin

What was the first love letter you received?

I still carry fond memories of the notes written in black sharpie by
my mother on a folded napkin in my Strawberry Shortcake metal lunch
tin. The note and the accompanying homemade brownie or other goodie
brought a smile to my face even as I opened these notes with sly
abandon on my lap, sneaking a glance and hoping nobody would notice.
These were the years you didn't admit you had parents. When I would
stage whisper, "Mom, please get back in the car..." when my mother
waited for me outside our 8-seat Buick wagon. Mom used such classic
phrases as Love 4 U before twitter shortened the American attention
span for the written word.

I have a wooden jewelry box stacked with college-ruled notebook paper folded into quarters, relics penned from my husband during our university years. I take them out periodically and when I need a smile.

Yet in reality, every romance and every love letter is a shadow pointing us to the glory of the bridegroom and his love for the bride.

Everyone loves a wedding story, I think its in our DNA. After all, whether we are married or single we can rejoice as we prepare for the ceremony yet to come. I’m reminded of one of my favorite worship songs.

“You’re Beautiful” by Phil Wickham

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful

Story reminds us we are made for a different world. Just like the crest of the black moment in our favorite novel, it somehow leads to an HEA ending though its impossible for the reader to see in the moment. It is difficult to even see how the heroine could come through her latest trial, yet she somehow does. And sometimes it is difficult to believe we will get through the loss of a loved one, the unemployment or…fill-in-the-blanks…

The Psalms are full of tender moments between God and his people. Here’s one of my favorites.

“… If you love me and truly know who I am, I will rescue you and keep you safe. When you are in trouble, call out to me. I will answer and be there to protect and honor you.”-Psalm 91:14-15

If you love me and truly know who I am. The maker of the universe woos us and wants our love. He wants us to know who he is. We all cry out to know and be known. We all want someone to know us inside and out and love us still. The best romances contain but a shadow of the unconditional love of our God.

The cry of our hearts is for intimacy, with man and with God. We know we are not meant to be alone. Whether single or married we seek out community.

I will rescue you and keep you safe.

Popular recent releases in CBA include K-9 rescue dogs, a military hero struggling with PTSD, and the sheriff of a small Western town just to name a few. Yet Jesus was the ultimate rescuer.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. -Matthew 9:36

When we were helpless in our sin, he came to rescue us. We were harassed by Satan, nothing we could do could save ourselves.

We love stories that dangle danger, yet in the end we long to sigh with relief as the heroine lives to see another day. We look for security in other relationships, in earthly things, in temporary circumstances…just as the heroine is lured by the same temptations. God uses story to show us how others have endured struggles and we find the hope that we can persist on in a life of faith.

Its no accident that God gave us a love for story. A heart that craves after words, a soul that begs for intimacy that can only be fulfilled by our Heavenly Father.

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.-Jeremiah 31:3

I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.-Hosea 11:4

***Speaking of love stories...everyone loves a good surprise! Cover reveal on Pepper Basham's blog for her upcoming release JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. Stop here...****

Julia Reffner

So You're on Vacation. Guess What Trouble Your Characters Are Causing...

There have been a decent supply of movies about authors/writers the last couple of years. I must admit, I enjoy watching some of them. A new-to-me movie popped up in my Netflix list recently. It was hilarious and spawned the idea for this post. (True Memoirs of an International Assassin)

The topic is so perfect for this week between Christmas and New Years.

I mean, here you are, Ms or Mr. Author, enjoying the fat of the land, cookies, candies, Christmas dinner, etc. Admit it, the scales went up a pound or two.

You've laughed with your friends and family by phone, social media, at church, in your home, or at parties. 

You've opened some pretty awesome gifts and watched others open ones you've given.

Yeah. You've had a wonderful time.

Uh huh.

So, You've barely thought about your characters, eh?

And what are your characters doing while you're away? You know the saying...while the author is away, the characters will play.

They saw you when you put in your passcodes to your programs.

They know when you're asleep.

They know if you've been bad or good

And so they've taken liberties to -- 


Wait, MC just sent this text: 

MC: Sorry, Author, I have to leave. I can't sit around another minute. Don't worry, I've come up with a great replacement. She's a bit dorky and hasn't brushed her teeth in a week, but I'm sure you can fix her up. 

Your phone dings the message and you panic first then send this reply:
Author: You can't leave. Please. I have your whole journey planned out. Ups. Downs. Crises. That kiss you've always dreamed of. Remember the kiss? I could write it in sooner if you'll only stay.

MC: No way. You've teased me long enough. And what about the days before Christmas when you left us to go present shopping and now New Years is four days away? Four whole days? You think I want to just sit on this page with nothing to do while you have fun?  Uh, no. Me and Vil, yeah, I found out about him. He isn't so bad. He came up with a great mutiny idea. One for the whole cast. We are taking our own vacation, away from you. Maybe Miami. Or Italy. Someplace warm.

Author: What if I buy everyone pizza, will you stay?

MC: Vil says you're a Scrooge. 

Author: Scrooge, eh? I could change. I have you on my schedule for, let's see, tomorrow.

MC: You...change? Right. The one who goes crazy with the power of the pen? Ha! Tell you what, you meet with The Three Friends, first. Each will pop in at your holiday party at one hour intervals. If you pass the test, we'll consider coming back.

Author: Who are these three friends?

MC: Have you ever, even once, told me something in advance? I don't think so. You'll know them when you see them. The first will show up when the bell tolls one.

Author: But I go to bed at ten.

MC: One.

MC doesn't respond to any more of your messages. You panic. Stay away from the filet mignon, mustard, and cheese served for dinner. Insure the potato is fully cooked. And you laugh at anything to avoid grave topics. No matter what you do to remain calm, the marrow in your bones tremble because you know MC and the rest of the cast could really leave.

You wildly search for something to keep you awake and remain standing at the party. The coffee can is empty. You rummage through the kitchen, under the Christmas tree, in the secret snack drawer. On chocolate, on Mountain Dew, on energy drink, on tea, on hot chocolate, on caffeine all. But alas, they have dashed away, dashed away, dashed away all.

You start at the sound of the first bell. There, on the other side of the room is a stranger. He flows through the crowd as though as they're invisible. His eyes fix on yours. 

Author: Wh-wh-who are you?

Unknown First Friend: I am the Disaster Rejection Friend. At this very moment all the disasters you've planned for your characters past, present, and future are actively being prevented. Extra feet are added to cliffs to prevent falling. Remedies seasoned with poisons. Bullets impenetrable. Fires snuffed. You name it. The disaster is thwarted.

Author: But if you do that my MC won't have any problems.

Disaster Rejection Friend: Yeah. So?

Author: The story will be boring.

Disaster: Precisely. Like you weren't boring your characters by taking a vacation?

Author: I said I'm sorry to MC. I promised I'd changed. Leave notes, flowers, chocolates. 

Disaster: Yeah, well, MC doesn't believe you. 

Just like that Disaster Rejection Friend fades into thin air. In his place Resolution Allergy Friend appears. 

Author: Let me guess. MC will never find a resolution to her problem if you stay.

Resolution Allergy: Yep.

Author: Got it. I'll talk with her first thing in the morning.

Resolution Allergy: No. You can't give in that easy. I'm melting. Melting. Melting.

Never had anything disappeared that fast. Not in all of time. Sadly, Author knew all the wishes and dreams could not keep the third friend away. 

Nothing could be that easy. And it wasn't. For before his very eyes did appear Rabbit Hole Infestation Friend and a herd of bunnies. Thousands. Maybe millions. Author looked to the left and the right. Rabbit trails in both directions. Author looked in front and behind. More rabbit trails. The more Author looked, the more rabbit trails appeared.

Author: No, Friend! Oh no no! I will honor my characters with my time. I will not abandon MC to blank pages for days. I will not shut out the lessons that the three friends have shown me this evening. Oh tell me I may sponge away the legion of rabbit trails before me.

In author's agony, Author clutches the cell phone. It dissolves in form becoming the writing laptop.

Author swooped up the laptop and squeezed it. The Three Friends had done everything in one night!

Author was so fluttering and glowing with good intentions that scarcely a word could be heard.

Except by MC. 

Before Author's eyes MC and the cast appear.

To live.

And struggle yet another day.


And so Alley Cat pals, friends, and neighbors, What have your characters been doing while you festived your Christmas time? (and yes, I have created the verb, festived. Because I am a writer. I get to do that.)



I can't wait to read your comment(s)!

Help others--tweet or FB share this post

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Mary Vee -  Rock climbing, white-water rafting, zip lining, and hiking top Mary's list of great ways to enjoy a day. These activities require lots of traveling, which is also tops on her list. For some crazy reason, the characters in Mary’s young adult mystery/suspense fiction stories don’t always appreciate the dangerous and often scary side of her favorite activities. Unbelievable.

Mary studies marketing and writing skills, and pens missionary and retellings of Bible stories on her ministry blog, God Loves Kids. She has been a finalist in several writing contests.

Visit Mary at her website, blog, and her ministry blog to families: God Loves Kids. Or chat on Facebook or Twitter

All subscribers to Mary's newsletter will receive her novella, an intriguing suspense/mystery. Come, read a good story. To get your free gift, sign up for the newsletter at Mary's website  Never Give Up Stories. Join the adventure!

The Characters We're Thankful For and Why

Tis the season to be thankful.

As a writer, I am thankful for characters both real and imaginary. 

Consider the characters who have willingly shared a life they've stumbled through--well, not by their choice because we writer's put them through it--and survived to say good bye for now on the last page.



Scrooge from Scrooge-bless his heart. The man who reminds us to not be greedy. To be kind to employees. To help those with physical needs.

Dorothy from Wizard of Oz- The girl who reminds us there's no place like home. To seek to improve ourselves and find courage, knowledge, and love.

Jean Valjean from Les Miserables- Forgiveness wins.

Hermione Granger from Harry Potter- Stand up for what you know. Defend the underprivileged. Stay true to your friends.

Mulan from Mulan - She sacrifices herself to save her father and ends up saving the country.

Drey from Karate Kid the remake - Apologize when insulting others. Be willing to leave your world behind and accept new surroundings. Adapt. Work hard to achieve.

Ethan Hunt from Mission Impossible - Our mentors are not always who we think they are. Be wary.

Noah Calhoun from The Notebook - Love never fails.

Arthur Dent from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Don't sweat the small stuff.

Henry Roth from Fifty First Dates - Infirmity can not hold back love.

Wesley from Princess Bride - What do you have to live for? True Love.

David from A.I. Artificial Intelligence - Search, no matter the obstacles, for love and family.



There is an endless list of other characters I could add. The point is, every good story is about a character who goes on a journey. One journey per story. One issue.

So if your character struggles with feeling alone, plunge her initially into the pit of loneliness. Right on page one. 

The story is her journey out of that pit. If she only crawls halfway out...she is still in that pit. If she finds a divot big enough to rest in along the way, she is still in the pit. As she works to crawl out of the pit, search for ways to heighten her misery..no matter what that misery is. Be brave enough to write realistic scenes.

Is her struggle desperate for love? Ways she could try to climb out of this pit could be satisfying this need with a pet, a career, an addiction, masochism (bulimia, cutting, etc). Ways she falls is believing no one can love her, until.....

Show the problem in 3D words. Show how she tries this way and that way to get out of the situation. 

Perhaps the way to the surface is revealed by God, or a godly friend, or a godly man. 

Her journey out of the pit is the story. Once she steps on the surface...the story is basically over except her joyful response.

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here are some ideas for comments today. It'll take only a second to share and we love to hear from you.

1. In less than ten words, tell your character's overall journey for your current WIP.
2. Write a note to your character telling him/her why you are thankful for them.
3. Write a note from your character telling you the author why he/she is thankful for you. (have fun with this one :) )

To get you started here is a thank you note from Scrooge to Charles Dickens:

Dear Charles,
I've put an extra coal in the fire just for you before dipping my quill in the ink. I understand you're feeling under the weather, and so you should after forcing me to endure the three ghosts. I've forgiven you because I've seen...no I think the far better word is felt. Yes, felt reasons, solid reasons for treating my employees with kindness. Tiny Tim visited me the other day. The lad left me a sticky piece of butterscotch candy. Hah, I hadn't tasted one since my own impish years. Quite delightful. 

I've taken to avoiding beef, apparently my stomach has problems digesting this food. All in all, I am grateful for the Christmas I spent with you. Although, I am also thankful we haven't had a second.

Thank you again, old chap
And Merry Christmas,

Ebenezer Scrooge

I can't wait to read your comment(s)!

Help others--tweet or FB share this post

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Rock climbing, white-water rafting, zip lining, and hiking top Mary's list of great ways to enjoy a day. Such adventures can be found in her stories as well.

Mary writes young adult mystery/suspense, is honing marketing and writing skills, and loves to pen missionary and tell Bible event stories on her ministry blog, God Loves Kids. She has finaled in several writing contests.

Visit Mary at her website, blog, and her ministry blog to families: God Loves Kids. Or chat on Facebook or Twitter

All subscribers to Mary's newsletter will receive her new short story an intriguing suspense/mystery. Come, read a good story. To get your free gift, sign up for the newsletter at Mary's website or:  Join the adventure!

Subscribe to Mary Vee's Never Give Up Stories