Writing Is My Song

It's funny, a year after I wrote the post below, I can say it's my heart's state now-- BUT NOW, I am in a much bigger trial than no publishing contract (although I am still there!!!) This season, I find myself in a personal trial that has pretty much turned my heart upside down.

Yet, it is in that state of brokenness that I find God calling me to that very thing He told me a year ago: ABIDE. That is the only way my heart begins to tip the right way up again.

Enjoy this re-post of a pretty real-time revelation.
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On my last morning of vacation, I forced myself to wake up and do something I wanted to do that entire week. Watch the sunrise over the ocean. It had been an amazing time to relax, rejuvenate, and just release all the stress from life and parenthood. Funny though, I began the week there against a vow I had made to myself.

To leave my passion of writing behind.

I wanted complete solitude from everything I focused on up North. :) But, something happened, and I allowed the writing to remain a focus, even as the waves lapped to the shore, and the sand swallowed my feet.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant tidal wave of doubt and frustration threatened to knock me down. Funny thing is, I had just accomplished two big feats in my writing pursuit. It all makes sense now. But at the time, it threw me into a swirling downward mess.

My view from the balony

The pinks and golds of a rising sun took me from the balcony of my hotel room, and sat me right down at the water's edge. I tried to listen, tried to hear God's call for me. What should I DO, Lord? Am I DOING what you want? I am so frustrated with this process. So defeated in the DOING.

Some people might claim to hear the voice of God, clear as the sun's glitter on the waves. I am not one of those people. God doesn't speak to me in an audible way. That day, I begged to hear His voice. I wanted answers.

The Spirit knows better though. I wasn't moved to listen. I was moved to worship. And everything came into focus. Well, not everything, just One thing. It's like I was searching the horizon with a strained zoom lens, and once I zoomed out, clarity sharpened the Image my heart needed most. The answer my heart craved, even against what I thought to be the answer I wanted.

Through a prostrate heart, as prostrate as the sea foam submits to the shore after a crashing wave, I realized the answer to all my questions...all my concerns: God wants me to abide in Him.

That's it.

Nothing more.

He's the One that's in the business of DOING. NOT me. I am worthless if I think that if I just DO something, life will be better, God will be happy, Love will flow freely.

Eh, eh.

No. In a world where DOING is often the answer...where success is built upon a foundation of effort and stress, where power is built upon pushing and trampling those in the way....I have discovered that nothing is worth anything if the DOING is my focus. Because it is when I ABIDE, when I allow the LORD to be in control, just as He's in control of the ocean waves--they never stop, they continue to approach and retreat, to swell and to dissipate--God is the ONLY one in control of the DOING.

Only when I ABIDE in Him, and give Him the power to DO through me, will I be moved.

Only in HIM.

What happens when we ABIDE? We worship and fall prostrate. And it's there where we have focus, because it's through the heartbeats of the Almighty that gives us Life. Through the tug of the Almighty's hands that we are led to do. Not because a person, or pursuit, or preacher tells us to DO. It's because when we ABIDE in Him, our heart beats in rhythm with His own. And from the overflow of HIS Love, we DO.

I felt like I cried an ocean after my time on the shore. And I hadn't. But my body felt like it. Such release. Such PEACE. Such abiding.

So, after this long schpeel...you might wonder what this looks like for my writing. Honestly, I was about to throw in the towel on this pursuit to publication before that morning. There are a few things I have discovered after worshiping at the water's edge:

1. I can remember the exact moment God bestowed this craving to worship through stories. It was at a time of my life I had prayed for something more...for something to satisfy amidst the colicky babes, the clinging toddlers, the monotonous days of motherhood (and I LOVE my kids...don't judge...my heart needed something else). As much as the Christian writing community talks about writing as a Gift from God...that morning I grasped that it REALLY WAS a gift from God...an answered prayer of giving me something more...something all my own. He gave me the outlet at just the moment I needed it most... a mother of three small children, in a season of chaos!

2. With the help of some amazing women (you know them as the Alleycats), I can finally understand that, because this writing thing is truly a gift, truly an avenue to joy in my life, truly Spirit led to bring me to abiding in Him, publishing really is just a worldly perk. Yes, it's still my desire to see my name in print some day, but it's not the culmination of this gift. Far from it. I think there will be a much grander finale to my story writing, and I will dream that it involves a more Heavenly audience.

3. The DOING is not up to me. Abiding is. And like I said, the writing thing is one way God allows for me to ABIDE with Him. AMEN! Wow, He gifted me in a wonderfully joyous personal way to ABIDE in Him. I feel BLESSED!

My husband and I talked a lot about creation that trip. It's hard not to when you have the vast ocean before

The sunset on our last night

you, the rising sun, and the sea of stars at night. And when I sit and allow myself to absorb the creation around me, I burst with an urge to cry and write all at once. If writing wasn't God-given, then could I be so moved to write by merely observing His Handiwork?

Writing is my song. It is my worship. Writing is the pursuit God has given me to ABIDE.

I can't DO. Just WRITE.

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Angie Dicken first began writing fiction as a creative outlet during the monotonous, mothering days of diapers and temper tantrums. She is passionate to impress God's love on women regardless of their background or belief. This desire serves as a catalyst for Angie's fiction, which weaves salvation and grace themes across historical cultures and social boundaries. Angie is an ACFW member and is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of the Steve Laube Agency.

What Gift Are You Bringing?

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. “In Bethlehem^(E) in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:

⁶“‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
    are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
    who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared.  He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

- Matthew 2:1-12

Christmas gifting can be next to impossible sometimes. Have you noticed? 

I'm the kind of person who starts Christmas shopping in July, and yet still, I found myself on Amazon Prime today, trying to figure out what last-minute Christmas presents I can ship in time for Christmas. 

Sorry, husband-- the camo Snuggie was all they had left, I swear. 

No, no, not to worry. Matt's not really getting that. He made a handy wish list to take the guesswork out. My dad is another story...

Have you ever paid attention to some of the gift displays set up in stores like Target and TJ Maxx? Superman cape socks, LED finger lights, and a mustache corkscrew? Who is buying this stuff? (Yes, all that stuff is actually being sold at Target.) Want to now what's really bad? I actually bought my husband one of those forehead flashlights last year! 

In all the stress of finding the perfect gift, we often lose sight of the deeper reason we're shopping in the first place. And why is it that we give gifts, really? When it comes down to it, we want to offer a gesture that says, "You matter to me."

So, back to the story of the wise men. Why were they journeying with their gifts? Because they saw a rising star for the king of the Jews, and they "came to worship him."Their gifts, you see, were a form of worship.

Let me ask, then, a question. What gifts are we bringing the baby born that day in a manger? And are our gifts a form of worship, as the wise men's were? Do they show He matters to us?

So often, we often think of writing in terms of accomplishment. In one month, we want to finish the story, land an agent, sign with a publisher. We think if we could finally meet our favorite author or finally sign that contract or finally gain a readership, maybe then we would have something of merit to offer back to God. But I want to challenge you to turn that way of thinking around. What if the product isn't the form of worship, but rather, the writing itself?

Several months ago, one of my writing mentors challenged me to think of writing as a process whereby God wants to spend time with us. Yes, He wants to use authors' words to encourage others. And yes, we probably all write with the hope of publication. But what is governing that process and desire? The hope of seeing your name in print, or the hope of precious moments with Him?

Notice that the wise men don't give Jesus just anything. They give Him their treasures. And what does Matthew 6:21 say about your treasure? The New Living Translation says it this way: "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." So if you are a teacher, teach from the depths of your heart. If you are a mother, mother from your heart. If you are a wife, love your husband from your heart. And if you are a writer, write from the depths of your heart. To do so is to worship.

I want to encourage you to perhaps take on a radical new perspective about writing. What if your gift is your gift? In other words, what if your heart's story and the time you spend writing it is in and of itself the thing you ought to offer God? What if He wants you and your writing not because of your accomplishment, but because He loves you right where you are?

Whose star are you following?

This Christmas season, I want to say a big thank you to all the readers and friends of the Alley and tell you how much you mean to me (and all of us here at the Alley!). Be encouraged as you celebrate Christ's birth, and keep your focus on the star that is rising-- He will show you were to go as you bring your gifts to Him.

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Ashley Clark writes romantic comedy with southern grace. She's dreamed of being a writer ever since the thumbprint-cookie-days of library story hour. Ashley has an M.A. in English and enjoys teaching literature courses at her local university. She's an active member of ACFW and runs their newcomer's loop. When she's not writing, Ashley's usually busy rescuing stray animals and finding charming new towns. You can find Ashley on her personal blog, Facebook,Pinterest, and Twitter. She is represented by Karen Solem.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams…

Is this where you are? Have you been here?

Has the past taught you to dream big . . . or dream safe?

I feel like for many of us, and even some of the best and most passionate writers I have ever had the pleasure to know, we cut ourselves off at the knees. We let doubt and fear and those pesky little odds and insecurities creep in and derail our dream. Have you? Have you been wondering, after those rejections come back to chip away at you . . . am I fooling myself? Wasting my time? Will my words ever see print?

For most of my life I didn't dream of becoming a best-selling novelist. I didn't even dream of becoming a writer. I was a singer. And that dream, for so long, was completely tangled up with my identity. In some ways, it will always be a part of who I am. But, my life without pursuing music . . .

 

Is it devastating? Void? Am I itching with every stalled note in my chest to stand before a crowd and pour out my song? Am I heartbroken?

No. I love music. Love to sing and worship and belt and harmonize. I LOVE it. But that dream of my youth dwindled and found its place in the real world.

Now I have a new dream... Isn't it great how, at any point in time, God can birth something new in you? He can expose a passion you didn't even know existed. I write. Not only because I love it. Because I do. I also love music. And running. And baking. But the simple truth is, I simply can’t not write! So this is my dream. And for however long it’s mine to hold, I’m gonna make it BIG!

Let’s face it… dreams can be brutal. I mean, can you imagine how foolish some of the greatest minds in the world must have felt… failing time and again? Having people ridicule them for their ludicrous theories and ideas. But imagine what we would be missing if they listened to the wrong critic... if they let go too soon.

On the other end…

A hard truth of life is that sometimes dreams don’t come true.

But maybe we just haven’t found the dream that God has for us. And whether it’s writing, or something else, you've just got to trust that the one who gave you those dreams will help you see when to hold them tight… fight with everything you have, get beaten down a hundred times before you see that beautiful thing take off into greatness.

Or... trust Him to know when to let go of those lovely detours, or maybe just see them for what they are, and find what you were meant to do.

Don’t hide your dreams in a safe place. Don't let the enemy steal something that is meant to be yours. Be bold. TRUST that the one who knows the desires of your heart has a great plan for the right dream. The right spouse. The right job. The right house. The right future. HIS way.

I’d love to hear from you…Have you ever wanted something that, in hindsight, you’re grateful you didn't get? Do you have any dreams that have carried on from your childhood? Have they changed? And how do you stay encouraged when your dream feels like a sinking ship?

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Amy Leigh Simpson writes Romantic Suspense that is heavy on the romance, unapologetically honest, laced with sass and humor, and full of the unfathomable Grace of God. She is the completely sleep deprived mama to two little mischief makers and would challenge anyone to a cutest family contest. Represented by Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary Inc.