Setting the Mood With Your First Lines - Part TWO

Hi all. Pepper here and I’m talking about first lines and genres again today because….

I get to brag about some of our Alley Pals and their work.

Two weeks ago I posted about first lines and genres using some of our very own AlleyCats’ work as fodder. Today, it’s time to show off more talent from a few of our subscribers.

If you remember from my last post, first lines ‘set the stage’ for the rest of your novel. By the end of the first page, even the first paragraph, a readers should know what sort of book their getting themselves into J

Your first few lines are your biggest hooks and can even be a tool for some of your very first foreshadowing. Let's look at a few examples from published authors.

I love Julie Lessman’s books and she has a FABULOUS first line in her debut (award winning) novel, A Passion Most Pure.

Boston, Massachusetts, late summer, 1916

Sisters are overrated, she decided. Not all of them, of course, only the beautiful ones who never let you forget it.

What do we know about this novel already?

1.       It’s historical (and because we know it’s Julie Lessman we KNOW romance is burning at the seams of the novel)

2.       There’s going to be a bit of dry humor in it just from the first lines

3.       Sibling rivalry is inevitable (and that’s an example of some foreshadowing in the VERY first line) isn’t that GREAT!

We’re already setup for the story.

Or what about Beth Pattillo’s wonderful Jane Austen rewrites. Here’s the first few sentences from Mr. Darcy Ruined My Life.

I pulled the well-worn copy of Pride and Prejudice from my tote bag and stowed the bag under the seat in front of me. Last time I flew to England, I’d been in first class with Edward, my ex. First class, where they insist that you accept hot towels and champagne along with extra blankets and pillows. Now I was in coach with my knees pressed up against the seat in front of me and the Battery Kind of Seattle at my left elbow. As it turned out, the only thing worse than having the man snore was having him wake up and start talking to me again.

What do we know?
1.       It’s contemporary

2.       There’s some sarcasm going on here too

3.       Heartbreak in the past and a trip to England in the present. Romance is DEFINITELY in the future.

Fabulous, the expectation has been set and the novel WILL deliver.

Speaking of Jane Austen – how did the classic novelist do it?

Pride and Prejudice’s well-loved beginning is this: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of someone or other of their daughters.

What do we know?

1.       Contemporary for Austen’s time – historical for ours.

2.       Romance? Well, if she’s chatting about husbands and wives within the first line, it’s a good sign.

3.       Witty humor? You betcha!

So now it’s your turn. Let’s look at a few NEW lines from friends of the Alley and see if we can draw conclusions about genre and ‘feel’ based on those.

From Joanne Sher:

Thirteen years old. An adult in Hebrew society.

But Michal's actions showed the opposite. She was remarkably helpless. Remarkably stubborn. Remarkably spoiled. Ashia's job was not, it seemed, to serve a young lady, but a toddler in a woman's body. And today promised to be full of tantrums.

Ooo, great start. So what can we guess from this?

1.      Biblical fiction.

2.      A little more serious, but a definite hook of interest.

3.      How will Michal change? And what will this tantrum look like? Curiosity forces me to want to read the next paragraph.

Julie Hilton Steele sent this one in:

“The key works best if you turn it.” Anna Newman froze at the sound of the deep, warm voice cascading down from somewhere behind her”

1.       I have an inside scoop to this. She’s probably begin the chapter with a ‘hint’ of a date, which would be some time during WWII. So it’s a historical piece.

2.       It certainly has a flare of mystery within the first two lines.

3.       Why is she using a key? Who is coming up behind her? Inquiring minds want to know. Good sign.

 From the computer of Mary Curry (and she tells us a lot with only ONE sentence)

There was nothing like a week-long vacation to make you need a month off.

1.       Most likely contemporary from the references
2.       A hint of humor (and a whole lot of truth J

3.       What kind of vacation would make the main character respond this way?

How about this one by Mary:

Mental illness ran in my mother’s family, or so my dad always claimed. You can see why I didn’t really think I could go to him for help when the visions started.

Hmm…. What can we guess?

1.     Contemporary
2.     Hint at spec fiction or fantasy with the whole ‘visions’ idea
3.     What sort of visions?

Carol Moncado sent in this one.

She was wearing an eye patch.
At church.
On Easter.

What do we know?

1.      Most likely contemporary

2.      Humor…without a doubt

3.      How on earth did she get an eyepatch? Curiosity pushes us to read more!

How about something a little 'different'? :-)
Ben Erlichman, 2011 Genesis Finalist and NEW DAD, sent this one:

Blood oozed from a bullet hole in Tommy Roebuck's chest, saturating the dust under his body.

AND yet another one:

Hunger drove Raven Worth to the big tent revival that night, but it wasn't what made him stay. Usually in such a public gathering he'd have lurked just beyond the edge of the crowd to scan the fringes for stragglers. In other settings he'd often harvest the ones who looked the most destitute or lonely. He could relate to them. He knew their pain.

(Isn't that a great protagonist's name...love it)

1. Contemporary
2. Darker flare, maybe murder mystery or thriller
3. Okay - so who shot Tommy Roebuck and who is this dark and creepy 'lurker' named Raven Worth?

How do you set the stage?

It’s Alley Pals show off day so bring your first few lines and let us guess. Are you setting up the reader in the way you want? Does the genre match what we guess?

Some are going to be harder to guess than others, but let’s give it a try.
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Pepper Basham is a Blue Ridge Mountains’ native, mom of five, pastor’s wife, and university instructor. She writes in various fictional genres but spices them all with grace and humor. She can be found at The Writers Alley, www.pepperbasham.wordpress.com, or in her imaginary world. Company always welcome.

Setting the Mood with your First Lines

Your eyes meet across a crowded room of wedding guests, the culmination of a glorious affair decorated with elegance and extravagance. Candlelight and string quartet. And now, the interested gaze of Mr. Tall, Dark, and Dreamy sends your heart into a pitterpatter to put the first strums of Beethoven's 9th Symphony to shame. The mysterious stranger steps toward you, black suit jacket bringing out the depths of his eyes. Could he be British? Italian? Rich? A James Bond wanna-be?

From the trim line of his jaw to the determination in his step, he boasts of confidence and sophistication. His grin sends shivers of anticipation tickling up your spine.
And then, he opens his mouth with the thickest country accent you've ever heard.
"Hey there little darlin'"
The symphony in your head switches to a minor key.
"You're 'bout as purdy as a Thanksgivin' turkey."
The orchestra screeches to a halt.
"You wanna go git some viddles with me and smooch a while?"

What happened? Everything was going so well? The look, the feel, the obvious attraction and then...The mood and expectations did not match reality. AHHHH!

We all know first lines are important for hooking the reader. You can read about those in some previous Alley posts. But first lines also set the mood for things to come.

I've asked the other Alley Cats to share some of their first lines so we can look at how the beginning 'puts you in the mood' for the rest of the story. They help setup your expectations.

Let's start with WOMEN'S FICTION.
Known as the genre which focuses on deep issues related to women, WF is known for its more descriptive and serious tones. Some popular examples are Gina Holmes and Patti Lacy. Here are a few AlleyCat examples:

Casey Herringshaw:

A girl can only take so much truth.

Which is probably why Jenna Hutch crouched in a two-bit cow-town restroom, 200 miles from home—waiting for the pregnancy test to confirm what she already knew.

Her fingertips bleached white and the stick branded her palm in a jagged zig-zag. She held her breath for one beat, then two, lungs clenching like fists. This was taking way longer than it should.

(whew, GREAT hook)

Karen Schravemade:

Maya walked hand in hand with her dead father beneath a sky so blue she surely could not have dreamed it. With every step her sandals scuffed up red dirt. The dust settled between her toes and beneath the cracked vinyl straps of her shoes. She couldn’t remember what had come before this moment, just that she was here, with her Papa once again, her mind empty of questions and heat shuddering from the ground in waves.

Julia Reffner:

"The prophet and the elders have decided it's time you get married." Click, my spine cracked as I pulled my shoulders back.

"Signed by the Prophet himself. Delivered by Elder Tom just this afternoon." Father moved in toward me until his shins brushed the edge of my bed and handed me a manila envelope with my name in black Sharpie letters. He smelled of Vaseline which held his hair in a tight pompadour. After weeding and backhoeing all day, the coiling wave attached itself to his forehead, hiding an angry row of whiteheads.

Mary Vee:
If time really healed all wounds, Liz could have endured the remaining chapters of her life. She longed for pages penned with stories about a large family chattering at an extended dining room table while passing baskets of freshly baked dinner rolls from one relative to the next.

Her stomach growled.

If you'll notice, these novels denote a more serious tone - which sets up the reader for a more serious book. You are more likely to find more descriptives and internal conflict, than in some other genres.

HISTORICAL ROMANCE is next. Within HR, we find the tenents of any romance novel, but set within a historical period of time. HRs can have 'voices' that hint in two general directions. 1. a more serious novel (Laura Frantz would be an example) or 2. a more comedic HR (Mary Connealy writes these). Regardless of the tone taken, the hallmark of historical romances is that they involve ROMANCE that takes place in HISTORY :-)  -so the stage must be set.

Angie Dickens:

My baby sister fit on my hip just above the waistband of my covering. Our skin blended together, a brown shade of the red earth which carpeted our land. When I stepped out into the new day, my feet began to dress themselves in the dust. The sun always surprised my eyes with her bright shine first thing in the morning. I squinted and all the dried mud huts clustered before me, glistening white as if chiseled from the great clouds above.

Though HRs are typically written in 3rd person, Angie has done a great job with 1rst person here. We can tell from her setup that her novel will have more of a serious tone, and descriptive.

Sherrinda Ketchersid:

The lock would not budge.

Jocelyn blew a strand of unruly hair from her eyes and paused to still her racing heart. Nothing prepared her for the trembling of her fingers and the time wasted looking over her shoulder, no matter how many times she practiced in the privacy of her room. Taking a deep breath, she slowly pried the tip of her knife into the lock, listening for the quiet catch of the spring.

Pepper Basham:
There is a distinct difference between marrying a man you do not love and knowing you cannot marry the one you do. As Ashleigh Dougall locked eyes with Sam Turner, the full sting of that truth stripped all doubt. Her dear friend, practically a brother, suddenly evoked a reaction far beyond mere friendliness. Heaven help her. She loved him.

Even through the space of noisy travelers and hurried porters, Sam’s grin tripped her heartbeat and snatched at her breath. She stood transfixed, disbelief vying with denial, but the pull of truth slit between them. How? When? She couldn’t love Sam like this. How long had she ignored the swell of admiration? The grip of heightened awareness of him? His manliness?

She was keenly aware now.

I love how books within the same genre can set such different tones. Angie's book sets a 'portrait' feel, words painting a picture of life. My HR and Sherrinda's begin in the clutches of a person's emotional reaction. Sherrinda's even holds an air of peril. But all take place in a historical era.

CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE is a romance novel set during the 'modern' world - which is usually any time past 1950. Like HRs, CRs can have a more serious tone or comedic tone. Like all romances, the meeting of guy/girl is of upmost importance in the heart of the story. Some popular authors are Rachel Hauck, Denise Hunter, and Susan May Warren.
So....
what kind of mood does Krista Phillips set for you?

God, is it against the rules to want to strangle one’s boss?

Even though she was still very new to the whole Christian thing, six months yesterday to be exact, Maddie Buckner was fairly sure that thoughts of murder, even it jest, wouldn’t be condoned by the Almighty.

or how about this one by Krista?

Jenny Garrett sank to her knees as someone pounded on her door for a second time.

She sucked in a shaky breath and blew it out. No need to panic. It was probably just a neighbor coming to introduce themselves to the new girl on the block. Or a vacuum salesman. Or a church group handing out tracks, trying to tell her about Jesus even though she’d known him since she was three.

The door knob jiggled.

Or a burglar planning to jump her when she opened the door, tie her up, ransack the place and take everything of worth, then shoot her to eliminate a witness.

Comedy, right?

How about another one.

Pepper Basham:

One step into the massive, glass-walled waiting area was all it took.

In a cataclysmic chain of events, someone bumped into Eisley Barrett from behind sending her purse and all its contents skittering across Heathrow International Airport’s glossy floor. Just as she regained her balance, her heel caught on her purse strap, forcing her off kilter. She liked comedy, but this was ridiculous.

In horrific slow motion, forward momentum merged with gravity, the crowd parted like the Red Sea, and she landed face-first on the floor.

Well, not exactly on the floor. Somebody broke her fall.

Sherrinda Ketchersid:

Emilie Burke hated blind dates, and happy-in-love, matchmaking friends.

She paused at the artsy mosaic door of the trendy downtown restaurant. The smell of heated spices and a smoky grill that filled the air almost made this possible fiasco worthwhile. Why had she said yes?

The same reason she always said yes. She was an impulsive people-pleaser.

Can't you just feel the difference between the WF and HR and the Romantic Comedy examples? In Contemporary Romance the sentences are usually a bit shorter, there are fewer descriptives, and dialogue plays a big part in the novel.

But not all CRs have to be humorous.

Here is an example from Cindy Wilson's novel:

I was twenty-seven when I met my fairy godmother.

He stood 6 feet tall, with an eagle tattoo eclipsing the upper half of his right arm, and bold red and blue decorating alternating spikes of his Mohawk.

Oh, and he was a librarian.

Doesn't that just get your attention and make you want to keep reading?

How about a few first lines from very different genres?

Speculative Fiction:

Sophia Quinn hated starting new assignments with insufficient information. Especially if lack of knowledge led to her death, or worse, someone else’s immortality.

We know it's contemporary because of the wording. We know it's speculative because of the phrase "or worse, someone else's immortality". The setup is there, and it's the author's job to stick with the 'mood'.

Young Adult:

“There’s not enough frappachinos in the world to make me go out on another triple date with you two.” Emilie Burke stuffed her art pencils into her tattooed backpack and slung it over her shoulder, resisting the urge to run out of the classroom, away from her well-meaning but deluded friends.

Fantasy (YA)

Magic breathed beneath the castle’s library stairs. Karth was sure of it – though he’d never admit it out loud. Eighteen year old princes did not believe in magic, no matter how otherworldly the situation, but as the black abyss under the stairs mesmerized his thoughts those childish haunts tickled at the edge of his logic.
Can you feel the difference? What do you write and how do set the mood?

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Pepper Basham is a Blue Ridge Mountains’ native, mom of five, pastor’s wife, and university instructor. She writes in various fictional genres but spices them all with grace and humor. She is a 2011 Genesis double-finalist and can be found at The Writers Alley, her personal blog- www.pepperbasham.wordpress.com, or in her imaginary world. Company always welcome.