And, throughout the process, I have definitely felt the struggle of wanting to quit and wondering if I am one of the "faint of heart". But, I am also very competitive, and I force myself to believe, "my heart is stronger and my passion will drive me".
But, sometimes, I just want to hold up the big white flag and surrender.
Have you ever felt this way?
It's like I signed up for a marathon and realized I am not really a runner.
I sacrificed much...mainly nights=SLEEP, weekends=PLAY, lunch dates=FRIENDS, family time=LOVE...for...stories nobody want, or at least, want to give a chance.
Ever felt that way?
Yeah, I'd like to write, "I am the faint of heart...I QUIT!...This is for the birds! Give me a realistic dream, please."
I think something I've convinced myself of, is that the dream is only reality when I have success. The dream doesn't count until then. So when I want to throw in the towel, I feel like I am turning my back on a dream that hasn't even started.
But what if I've lived the dream for these past nine years, and my heart wants a break? I want to NOT care. I want to sit here and soak in the moments without trying to play scenes in my mind and figure out the next black moment. I want the torment of striving to be over.
I think every artist feels this way. I mean, Van Gogh cut off his ear for the madness of wanting to
create.
Yeah, I know that writing is in me. That more stories are in me. That I am going to find more word count down the road.
But right now? I think my heart is weary. My mind wants to wake up to reality and leave the dream alone for a bit.
Ever felt this way?
For me, I am the newest NaNoWriMo dropout, a writer turned reader, and a mama-writer minus the writer....for a season of a faint of heart.
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Angie Dicken is a full-time mom and lives in the Midwest with her Texas Aggie sweetheart. An ACFW member since 2010, she has written six historical novels and is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of The Steve Laube Agency. Angie also spends her time designing one-sheets and drinking good coffee with great friends. Check her personal blog at angiedicken.blogspot.com and connect at:
Facebook: www.facebook.com/dicken.angie,
Twitter: @angiedicken
