What is Your Novel Missing? Deep POV

The first time I read a critique telling me to write in a deeper POV, I wasn't quite sure where to start or even exactly what that meant. How did I get even deeper when I already felt like the reader could really relate to my character?

So I studied up over the years, and though I still get that critique here and there, I've discovered ways to take that POV deeper and a process that will help me do so.

What is Deep POV?

Deep POV is intimate third person. It's showing readers instead of telling them. It's helping the reader create a bond with the character - much like first person - and it can also mean have a stronger voice.

And how do we write in deep POV?

Show Don't Tell

Do you ever get those critiques that say, SHOW me that the character is happy/sad/angry/etc., don't TELL me!

What they're saying is, write in a deeper POV. Don't tell the reader the emotion, show them.

For example:

Instead of writing, Veronica was happy.

Try instead, Veronica's smile stretched wide across her face.

You're giving the reader the idea that Veronica is very happy without ever having to identify the emotion.

Also, try taking out all those telling words like saw, watched, heard.

For example:

Becca walked to the window and heard the dog barking in the back yard.

Instead, try Becca walked to the window, the dog's piercing barks reaching her through two panes of glass.

Reaction, then Action

Showing not telling is a great start, and another tactic I've tried is following a process of reaction. Give the character a reaction and an action (not necessarily physical). Sometimes it will be as simple as one or two lines, and sometimes it will be three or four (reaction, internal action like a thought, and then another action--usually physical).

Let's say Veronica's best friend Louise just yelled at her for missing Louise's birthday party.

This is how we might initially write Veronica's reaction in limited third person.

Veronica stared at her friend in surprise (here we're naming the emotion). She hadn't missed the party on purpose and now she wanted to yell that right back at Louise (more telling here).

Now let's try deep POV.

Veronica's mouth dropped open (showing surprise instead of telling, a reaction). It wasn't my fault, I told you I had to work! (internal action, getting closer to the character) She folded her arms against her chest and faced Louise, taking a deep breath (physical action).

"I'm sorry I missed your party but I didn't have a choice."

Now we're not telling the reader Veronica's surprised and indignant but we're showing through a series of reactions and actions.

Reveal Your Character

In the example above, we're not only showing we're also giving the reader a sense of Veronica's personality, which is what deep POV is all about. Veronica is coming through. It helps to put the reader directly in the scene instead of making them feel like they're watching from afar.

Other ways to keep the reader in closer proximity to the scene.

Make sure you know your character. Give them a unique personality and then SHOW the story through their eyes, not yours. That means directing the scene as your character would see it in every way possible - especially through their senses, as well as their thoughts and actions.

Show their thoughts. This doesn't mean you have to write every thing your character thinks or even put all those thoughts in italics. It does mean giving the reader a deeper look at what's inside, like the example above. Your character is going to react to things in their own unique way and if you can convey that through a thought or their reaction, it will give the reader a greater insight into who your character is.

Have any of you ever struggled with deep POV in the past? What tricks do you use to write deep POV and make your reader feel like they're right there in the scene?

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This post brought to you by Cindy R. Wilson

Cindy is a Colorado native, living near the mountains with her husband and three beautiful daughters. She writes contemporary Christian romance, seeking to enrich lives with her stories of faith, love, and a touch of humor.

To learn more about Cindy, visit her at her personal blog, www.cindyrwilson.blogspot.com

Conquering Show vs. Tell

At first, I was bummed when a few contest judges suggested my main character's motives need more show vs. tell...What? You mean my perfectly crafted fictional best friend wasn't oh so perfectly portrayed? And besides, I was finished writing the manuscript, how could I fix it now, when the story was concluded just as I wanted it. But after a few days of chewing on it, something clicked.
As I edited with pen and paper in hand (it is so much easier than editing on the computer!), I was on a treasure hunt to find appropriate places to weave a new character and new scenes giving a solid boost in my protagonist's motivation. A few things helped me do this for my Historical:

• A peek at General vs. Specific- I had to face the fact that I took a general motivation for my character, and expected the telling of this to carry the weight I needed for character growth.

My example: Her aversion to having to wed has been done countless times, but it is up to me, the author, to sculpt it into a unique fit for my story alone.

• Thought life is not enough sometimes. If the struggle is something that is pivotal in your character's make up and arc, then it needs to materialize in her/his interactions with other characters. An internal struggle that doesn't, seems flat and wasted space to a reader.

My Example: My protagonist thought an awful lot about how she despised the attitude of the men in her village, but her interaction with them barely made the page.

• Determine if a new character is needed to react with the protagonist. This will give opportunities of showing versus telling.

My Example: So, if she hates the idea of being married because her father has chosen an abusive ogre as her match, it gives plenty of showing possibilities.

• Let the thoughts you've written, spur new scenes and new dialogue. And don't be afraid to tweak those thoughts to sync with your changes.

My Example: So when she falls for the man of her dreams, I had to tackle how the big bully would weave into the plot, and not just hang out on the side for show. A battle between the two men at some point? What woman wouldn't be flattered?

In the end, this criticism about my protagonist inspired a whole new twist to the plot, giving me more active, vivid scenes that give my character's inner-self credit with the world around her.

Self-Editing Checklist: Show and Tell (plus a giveaway!)

No, we're not talking about that period in elementary school when Freckle-Faced Freddy brought his ant farm and let the little buggers loose.

But this topic can be just as problematic for a writer, can't it?

Point #6 in my self-editing checklist is all about Show and Tell. (For the previous five posts, click here.)

When analyzing your scenes for Show and Tell, here are a couple key points to watch out for:

a) Are you naming your characters' emotions? What sort of picture does this sentence evoke? "She gave me a scared look." Pretty vague, right? How about this..."A sheen of sweat sparkled above her lip and her eyes bulged." Gives a much clearer picture. If you see emotion words like "scared", "happy", "worried", "angry", etc., carve them out and show them through action and dialogue instead.

b) Are you relying on narrative summary rather than showing the scene as it plays out? Take note that sometimes narrative summary is okay, but in most cases, you want your book to contain scenes filled with movement and action (and action doesn't necessarily have to be shoot-em-up duke-it-out type of stuff).

Here's an example of narrative summary used in the wrong way, glossing over a key moment that should be shown instead.

Her long-lost son opened a folder and asked about her three names. She struggled through memories of her childhood and started to explain.

Here's the actual excerpt from Patti Lacy's powerful book The Rhythm of Secrets, which shows the main character's emotions beautifully.

"Thanks for meeting me." The folder flopped open. A sheet of paper was removed. "If you don't mind, I have a few questions for you."

His inscrutable expression muted her soul's music. She eyed the folder warily.

The paper shook as he shoved it close. "According to...my sources, you are both Sheila Franklin and Sylvia Allen." His shoulders grazed the leather booth when he leaned back. Ice glazed his eyes. "If that's true, then who is Sheba Alexander?"

The question tore open a lockbox of memories. A blazing fire. A one-armed prostitute. Maman. Papa. A thirteen-year-old girl who thought she could conquer the world, thanks to her parents' gift of that name she'd had to abandon. A name she just might have to reclaim...

"Sheba Alexander was..." Words fought to escape her cottony mouth. "...a silly girl." A very foolish teenager. She swallowed hard. How could she explain things to a man she'd just met, even if he were her son?

Gripping, right? This is a big-time moment in the novel, and Patti didn't hold back at all. She showed the emotions of both characters through action and dialogue, sweeping the reader away in the story.

Your homework for the next two weeks, should you choose to accept it: Search through your scenes for naming of emotions and work on ways to portray those emotions through action and dialogue. Look for large chunks of narrative summary and determine whether they should be shown in greater detail or even added as extra scenes. If they're irrelevant to the story or keep it from moving forward, don't be afraid to cut them.

Bonus giveaway this week! Patti Lacy has graciously offered a copy of The Rhythm of Secrets for one lucky commenter! We'll announce the winner in our weekend edition.

What's been your biggest challenge in the show-and-tell game of writing? What's the most valuable resource you've used in learning how to show rather than tell?

*Ants photo by Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This Mama's Writing Habits

During an over-excited attempt to get my wip out of my head onto paper (10,000 words in a weekend), I  noticed some habits adding to my wrestling match towards success.
It makes me laugh to see my same habits as a writer, appear in my other passion in life, motherhood.

The Mom: I can talk myself blue in the face as I reason with my little 8 year old lawyer when he is in trouble, and threaten him with consequences. I feel like a poorly educated psychologist sometimes. Instead of the long debate, I could just show him my stance- give him his consequence. I am the grown-up...right?
The Writer: The poorly educated psychologist creeps into my writing when I overly explain my character's motives. Instead, I could just show it in an active way. When I dissect their motive and their many possible thoughts, I find my head spin!
The Mom: “Why do you ALWAYS...”, “I have never...” and my most ashamed saying of all, “Gosh Almighty!”( Seriously how is that not the same as what it implies??)
 My effectiveness goes out the window...and worse off, my words get in the way of  my purpose as their mother, to let God's light shine through! I will say though, there are some things worth repeating... "Do unto others," "Keep your hands to yourself", "Don't sit on your brother's head..."

The Writer: 
My, my, I use the same sentence structure, adverbs (dun-dun-duuunn), and boring verbs an AWFUL lot! My writing's effectiveness decreases with one too many "howevers".
 Some words that give me fits are:

Just, really, seemed, surely, often...

Just as I thought it seemed necessary, my poor writing surely proved to hinder me, and I often found myself editing instead of really getting ahead in my wip.
Okay, for my own reputation...I never (ha) get this bad, but sometimes I find “just” at the beginning of too many sentences, I use “really” to emphasize a little too often, and “seemed” creeps its way in, especially when I write in first person and have to describe her view of other characters.

Now, I am not saying that all these things are necessarily bad, but if they aren't noticed by me, the writer, and I allow them to flood my story, the main theme and most importantly, the inspiration God gave me in the first place, would be diluted.

My boys and me...The crazy sunglass styles...what was I thinking?

And as a mother, if I also don't choose my words carefully, and limit my psycho-babble, I lose my children's respect and ultimately give them a poor impression of the God I am suppose to be representing in their lives!
Do you have any writing habits that are a constant challenge as you move forward in your wip?