From the trim line of his jaw to the determination in his step, he boasts of confidence and sophistication. His grin sends shivers of anticipation tickling up your spine.
And then, he opens his mouth with the thickest country accent you've ever heard.
"Hey there little darlin'"
The symphony in your head switches to a minor key.
"You're 'bout as purdy as a Thanksgivin' turkey."
The orchestra screeches to a halt.
"You wanna go git some viddles with me and smooch a while?"
What happened? Everything was going so well? The look, the feel, the obvious attraction and then...The mood and expectations did not match reality. AHHHH!
We all know first lines are important for hooking the reader. You can read about those in some previous Alley posts. But first lines also set the mood for things to come.
I've asked the other Alley Cats to share some of their first lines so we can look at how the beginning 'puts you in the mood' for the rest of the story. They help setup your expectations.
Let's start with WOMEN'S FICTION.
Known as the genre which focuses on deep issues related to women, WF is known for its more descriptive and serious tones. Some popular examples are Gina Holmes and Patti Lacy. Here are a few AlleyCat examples:
Casey Herringshaw:
A girl can only take so much truth.
Which is probably why Jenna Hutch crouched in a two-bit cow-town restroom, 200 miles from home—waiting for the pregnancy test to confirm what she already knew.
Her fingertips bleached white and the stick branded her palm in a jagged zig-zag. She held her breath for one beat, then two, lungs clenching like fists. This was taking way longer than it should.
(whew, GREAT hook)
Karen Schravemade:
Maya walked hand in hand with her dead father beneath a sky so blue she surely could not have dreamed it. With every step her sandals scuffed up red dirt. The dust settled between her toes and beneath the cracked vinyl straps of her shoes. She couldn’t remember what had come before this moment, just that she was here, with her Papa once again, her mind empty of questions and heat shuddering from the ground in waves.
Julia Reffner:
"The prophet and the elders have decided it's time you get married." Click, my spine cracked as I pulled my shoulders back.
"Signed by the Prophet himself. Delivered by Elder Tom just this afternoon." Father moved in toward me until his shins brushed the edge of my bed and handed me a manila envelope with my name in black Sharpie letters. He smelled of Vaseline which held his hair in a tight pompadour. After weeding and backhoeing all day, the coiling wave attached itself to his forehead, hiding an angry row of whiteheads.
Mary Vee:
If time really healed all wounds, Liz could have endured the remaining chapters of her life. She longed for pages penned with stories about a large family chattering at an extended dining room table while passing baskets of freshly baked dinner rolls from one relative to the next.
Her stomach growled.
If you'll notice, these novels denote a more serious tone - which sets up the reader for a more serious book. You are more likely to find more descriptives and internal conflict, than in some other genres.
HISTORICAL ROMANCE is next. Within HR, we find the tenents of any romance novel, but set within a historical period of time. HRs can have 'voices' that hint in two general directions. 1. a more serious novel (Laura Frantz would be an example) or 2. a more comedic HR (Mary Connealy writes these). Regardless of the tone taken, the hallmark of historical romances is that they involve ROMANCE that takes place in HISTORY :-) -so the stage must be set.
If you'll notice, these novels denote a more serious tone - which sets up the reader for a more serious book. You are more likely to find more descriptives and internal conflict, than in some other genres.
Angie Dickens:
Though HRs are typically written in 3rd person, Angie has done a great job with 1rst person here. We can tell from her setup that her novel will have more of a serious tone, and descriptive.
Sherrinda Ketchersid:
The lock would not budge.
Jocelyn blew a strand of unruly hair from her eyes and paused to still her racing heart. Nothing prepared her for the trembling of her fingers and the time wasted looking over her shoulder, no matter how many times she practiced in the privacy of her room. Taking a deep breath, she slowly pried the tip of her knife into the lock, listening for the quiet catch of the spring.
Pepper Basham:
There is a distinct difference between marrying a man you do not love and knowing you cannot marry the one you do. As Ashleigh Dougall locked eyes with Sam Turner, the full sting of that truth stripped all doubt. Her dear friend, practically a brother, suddenly evoked a reaction far beyond mere friendliness. Heaven help her. She loved him.
Even through the space of noisy travelers and hurried porters, Sam’s grin tripped her heartbeat and snatched at her breath. She stood transfixed, disbelief vying with denial, but the pull of truth slit between them. How? When? She couldn’t love Sam like this. How long had she ignored the swell of admiration? The grip of heightened awareness of him? His manliness?
She was keenly aware now.
I love how books within the same genre can set such different tones. Angie's book sets a 'portrait' feel, words painting a picture of life. My HR and Sherrinda's begin in the clutches of a person's emotional reaction. Sherrinda's even holds an air of peril. But all take place in a historical era.
Pepper Basham:
There is a distinct difference between marrying a man you do not love and knowing you cannot marry the one you do. As Ashleigh Dougall locked eyes with Sam Turner, the full sting of that truth stripped all doubt. Her dear friend, practically a brother, suddenly evoked a reaction far beyond mere friendliness. Heaven help her. She loved him.
Even through the space of noisy travelers and hurried porters, Sam’s grin tripped her heartbeat and snatched at her breath. She stood transfixed, disbelief vying with denial, but the pull of truth slit between them. How? When? She couldn’t love Sam like this. How long had she ignored the swell of admiration? The grip of heightened awareness of him? His manliness?
She was keenly aware now.
I love how books within the same genre can set such different tones. Angie's book sets a 'portrait' feel, words painting a picture of life. My HR and Sherrinda's begin in the clutches of a person's emotional reaction. Sherrinda's even holds an air of peril. But all take place in a historical era.
So....
what kind of mood does Krista Phillips set for you?
God, is it against the rules to want to strangle one’s boss?
Even though she was still very new to the whole Christian thing, six months yesterday to be exact, Maddie Buckner was fairly sure that thoughts of murder, even it jest, wouldn’t be condoned by the Almighty.
or how about this one by Krista?
Jenny Garrett sank to her knees as someone pounded on her door for a second time.
She sucked in a shaky breath and blew it out. No need to panic. It was probably just a neighbor coming to introduce themselves to the new girl on the block. Or a vacuum salesman. Or a church group handing out tracks, trying to tell her about Jesus even though she’d known him since she was three.
The door knob jiggled.
Or a burglar planning to jump her when she opened the door, tie her up, ransack the place and take everything of worth, then shoot her to eliminate a witness.
Comedy, right?
How about another one.
Pepper Basham:
One step into the massive, glass-walled waiting area was all it took.
In a cataclysmic chain of events, someone bumped into Eisley Barrett from behind sending her purse and all its contents skittering across Heathrow International Airport’s glossy floor. Just as she regained her balance, her heel caught on her purse strap, forcing her off kilter. She liked comedy, but this was ridiculous.
In horrific slow motion, forward momentum merged with gravity, the crowd parted like the Red Sea, and she landed face-first on the floor.
Well, not exactly on the floor. Somebody broke her fall.
Sherrinda Ketchersid:
Emilie Burke hated blind dates, and happy-in-love, matchmaking friends.
Sherrinda Ketchersid:
She paused at the artsy mosaic door of the trendy downtown restaurant. The smell of heated spices and a smoky grill that filled the air almost made this possible fiasco worthwhile. Why had she said yes?
The same reason she always said yes. She was an impulsive people-pleaser.
Can't you just feel the difference between the WF and HR and the Romantic Comedy examples? In Contemporary Romance the sentences are usually a bit shorter, there are fewer descriptives, and dialogue plays a big part in the novel.
But not all CRs have to be humorous.
Here is an example from Cindy Wilson's novel:
I was twenty-seven when I met my fairy godmother.
I was twenty-seven when I met my fairy godmother.
He stood 6 feet tall, with an eagle tattoo eclipsing the upper half of his right arm, and bold red and blue decorating alternating spikes of his Mohawk.
Oh, and he was a librarian.
Doesn't that just get your attention and make you want to keep reading?
How about a few first lines from very different genres?
Speculative Fiction:
Sophia Quinn hated starting new assignments with insufficient information. Especially if lack of knowledge led to her death, or worse, someone else’s immortality.
We know it's contemporary because of the wording. We know it's speculative because of the phrase "or worse, someone else's immortality". The setup is there, and it's the author's job to stick with the 'mood'.
Young Adult:
“There’s not enough frappachinos in the world to make me go out on another triple date with you two.” Emilie Burke stuffed her art pencils into her tattooed backpack and slung it over her shoulder, resisting the urge to run out of the classroom, away from her well-meaning but deluded friends.
**********************************************************************
Young Adult:
“There’s not enough frappachinos in the world to make me go out on another triple date with you two.” Emilie Burke stuffed her art pencils into her tattooed backpack and slung it over her shoulder, resisting the urge to run out of the classroom, away from her well-meaning but deluded friends.
Fantasy (YA)
Magic breathed beneath the castle’s library stairs. Karth was sure of it – though he’d never admit it out loud. Eighteen year old princes did not believe in magic, no matter how otherworldly the situation, but as the black abyss under the stairs mesmerized his thoughts those childish haunts tickled at the edge of his logic.
Can you feel the difference? What do you write and how do set the mood?
Can you feel the difference? What do you write and how do set the mood?
**********************************************************************
Pepper Basham is a Blue Ridge Mountains’ native, mom of five, pastor’s wife, and university instructor. She writes in various fictional genres but spices them all with grace and humor. She is a 2011 Genesis double-finalist and can be found at The Writers Alley, her personal blog- www.pepperbasham.wordpress.com, or in her imaginary world. Company always welcome.
