Snip Skimming in the Bud: How to be Eloquent and Snappy

Skimming. A writer’s nightmare. Here we are pouring intense thought and meticulous planning into each layer and fold of our story... but the reader is getting antsy. And thus, missing the sheer genius of those carefully prepared words.

I hate to admit that I do this sometimes. Skim. A sacrilege! And I know that some poor misguided reader has likely glaze over those precious details I've slaved over to get to the meat.

Because I write suspense I tend to be driven by action, pacing, and cliff hangers. But interestingly enough, I am equally wooed by the details, the little nuances of romance that tease and excite until we are chomping at the bit for more.

 

The point here is balance.

We’ve all been schooled with rulers to “show don’t tell,” because well, a plainly told story would bore us all to tears. We want to touch, taste, smell, see, and hear everything the characters are feeling because therein lies the magic of story. It’s power to transport us outside of ourselves into another dimension.

But sometimes, more isn’t really better for the reader. The excess becomes clutter, it bogs our pace, dwindles our excitement, and your beautiful message-your long labor of love-becomes the casualty of overwriting.

To sound official I am going to coin this affliction Hyperwriteosis. Please consult your editor if symptoms worsen.

Prescription to keep you snappy (Use in moderation):

-Insert action tags to break up heavy introspection.

If we can see what is happening outside of the mind, how the person responds physically, we are more inserted into the moment and the scene has movement. Your page will have a pulse. 

         -Sprinkle in your senses.

            Susan May Warren does a great job teaching about utilizing the five senses in every scene. If they are all present, they almost disappear and the scene is alive all around you. But don’t plop them all in at once because it becomes an information dump. And you don’t want your scene to read like a checklist. 

            Yep, she’s smells the dank air of the alley. The brisk wind shivers through her coat. It’s umm… dark, and the casts of shadows warn that she’s not alone. She can taste her own fear as nervous bile creeps up and spills onto the back of her tongue. And well, despite the cold, her fingers are slick with sweat. These are all great things to know, and each detail is a new smear of paint on your canvas, but I doubt your character notices them all at once so why paint like a three year old?

-Write with purpose.

            Everything you plant on that page needs to be a seed. Some thoughts are seedlings—little sprouts of insight into your characters personality, their uniqueness, their setting, what makes them tick. Other thoughts have roots that run deep under the foundation of your story. They peel away motivations and fears. They raise the stakes and bring the house down when we get hit with the black moment. Bam!

            My point is, don’t waste your words of things that aren’t important to your story. The reader is smarter than you think and will not always be patient with your tangents. They will skip over your nonsense, or simply become annoyed by the delay, and forgo the rest of your fabulous book.

-Create compelling characters.

            Yes, this is fiction so we get to play. We could technically sculpt some super fine hero with rock-hard abs and a smile dangerous enough to be illegal in all 50 states. But we also want these people to seem real. Beautifully flawed. We want to fight through their struggles alongside them. Believe in them. Creating characters with honest vulnerability can be a challenge. Sometimes it’s easier to write the uber-confident-smokin’-hot-bad-boy/nice-guy that any woman would trade her left ovary to ride off with into the sunset with. But we don’t fall in love with cardboard cutouts. We fall in love with wonderfully broken pieces of humanity that somehow fit with our own. Make these people and their problems real and relate-able. Your reader will swoon and will most definitely stay tuned.

-Write a chasing pace.

            It doesn’t have to have an actual chase scene with explosions and tumbling cars to have a fast pace. It can be an achingly slow and tender kiss scene that reads like a pedal to the metal ride on the Autobahn. Keep your sentences short. Stay away from large blocks of script or dialogue. And for me personally, puh-lease avoid reader uncertainty. Be clear about what is happening. Okay, so what, they are kissing. Not all kisses are created equal. If I am bored during a kiss scene you are missing the boat! Utilize those senses; draw me in so I can see it play out like a scene from a movie. If I don’t know where anyone’s hands are, what they are thinking, feeling, or even if they are still kissing after an unspecified time elapses, am I to assume it was a crusty peck kiss? Oh, that will win her over! You can be specific without being graphic. Your reader will thank you! They will sigh and remember exactly what it is like to be kissed senseless. Ow ow!

When do you feel you usually start skimming? And do you have anything other remedies to add to my prescription?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Amy Leigh Simpson writes romantic mysteries with honesty and humor, sweetness and spice, and gritty reality covered by grace. When she’s not stealing moments at naptime to squeeze out a few more adventures in storyland, she’s chasing around two tow-headed miscreants (Ahem)—boys, playing dress up with one sweet princess baby, and being the very blessed wife to the coolest, most swoon-worthy man alive. Amy is a Midwestern-girl, a singer, blogger, runner, coffee-addict, and foodie. Her Sports Medicine degree is wasted patching up daily boo boo’s, but whatever is left usually finds its way onto the page with fluttering hearts, blood and guts, and scars that lead to happily ever after.

Check out her NEW romantic mystery novel FROM WINTER'S ASHES! Available NOW!

Avoiding Melodrama in Your Story

Background image: BettyCrocker.com

There’s a reason chocolate chip is the king of cookies. Buttery batter with a touch of salt, dotted with rich chocolate in every bite. Amen.

Just like with writing, the secret is in the right balance. For me, the perfect chocolate chip cookie is made with Kerrygold Irish butter, a pinch of sea salt, and mini semisweet chocolate chips: A perfect amalgamation of richness and sweetness. And the best novel has just the right recipe of tension, characterization, romance, conflict, etc.

Today we’re going to talk about that fine line between drama and melodrama. Don't get me wrong -- there's a time and a place for a sprinkle of melodrama (CW primetime television, I'm looking at you). But in most genres of fiction, it’s a delicate tightrope to tiptoe.

If you’ve been following my posts here, you know I’m a big fan of a craft book called Make a Scene by Jordan E. Rosenfeld. She identifies melodrama as excessive, over-the-top emotional intensity that can make a reader feel bullied. While most can take tragedy and emotional turmoil in stride, there’s a certain unspoken trust in the limits of drama within a given story.

And when that line is crossed, trust is broken and the reader can feel violated.

For example, Nicholas Sparks is perhaps the king of drama in today’s romance market, and I was the girl who devoured A Walk to Remember and The Notebook. But his latest releases have felt incredibly unrealistic with long strings of events that seem to exist for shock value more than anything else. And I get what Jordan Rosenfeld is saying exactly because I've felt a little violated when I leave his movies (or throw his books across the room). 

See what I did there with the whole throwing books across the room? Melodrama. I recognize it. But how can you tell if your own work is melodramatic? Rosenfeld says the typical markers include:

• cliche or cheesy “greeting card” sentimentality
• character hysterics that last a few beats too long
• larger-than-life romantic gestures or uncharacteristic overreactions
• unrealistic dialogue
• overdone descriptions

Critique partner and beta reader reactions can be a good indicator if any of this is going on in your work. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize in your own words. But here’s how you can check yourself:

Make sure pacing is executed correctly. Is drama portioned strategically so it has the most impact? Do your plot and scene intros build to the drama instead of dropping it into a reader’s lap like scalding coffee? This is where Nicholas Sparks has gone a little wayward, in my opinion. Too much and too strong to take it all at once.

Does the amount of emotion last an appropriate amount of time? Readers might be less sympathetic to a character who seems immature or unwilling to move past heightened emotions toward healing/resolution.

Would a “less-is-more” approach work better in your scene? Sometimes stunned silence, numbness, and a softer approach can communicate much more powerfully than bold emotions. You'll know when it's right, and you might not even have to do that much work because characters tend to show you for themselves in these situations. You don't even have to be tempted to tell what's going on.  

Do your dialogue and emotional reactions fit the characters you’ve built thus far? You’ve spent your story laying the groundwork for this moment, but if readers don’t have a hint of the impending eruption, it might end up leaving their tastebuds burned so they can't enjoy the smooth, velvety hot chocolate you intended to create for them.

Is your writing grounded in reality? On the same note, character dialogue and behavior should be realistic (assuming you’re not writing fantasy) to human nature to avoid being over-the-top. Reactions should be the result of a plausible cause-and-effect scenario, warranted by the actions and decisions that set them off. So resist the urge to skimp on reality or create unrealistic coincidences just because it's convenient.

Hopefully asking yourself these questions will give your story a good balance. Because just like something sweeter or spicier than expected can send people scrambling for relief in a cold glass of milk, melodrama that crosses the line can quickly get a story abandoned.

Do you have the tendency to lay it on thick sometimes? You can admit it here! No judgment :) Have you ever put down a book because the melodrama was off-putting?

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Laurie Tomlinson is a wife and mom from Tulsa, Oklahoma, who is passionate about intentional living, all things color-coded, and stories of grace in the beautiful mess. Previously a full-time book publicist, she owns a freelance copywriting, editing, and PR consulting business. 

She's a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers and two-time Genesis Award winner in 2013 (Contemporary) and 2014 (Romance). 

Her work is represented by Rachel Kent of Books & Such Literary.

You can connect with Laurie here:

Twitter - @LaurieTomlinson
Web - www.LaurieTomlinson.com
Facebook - AuthorLaurieTomlinson

Are you an OVER-WRITER?

We are writers. Our words are our hearts spilled on the page. Our stories often becoming our babies. It takes a lot of care and planning to birth a story. But while all kiddos need love and nurturing, they also need discipline. 

A common behavioral disorder that hinders the potential of beautiful storytelling is something called over-writing. (Over-directing is also a sneaky little hitch-hiking virus that can flatten your tires.)

Over-writing is an ailment that comes very natural to me. I get caught up in the scenery, in the senses (both important), but while I’m whipping up a tasty little turn of phrase (or two, or three to really ramp up the magic) the rest of the concoction I was stirring up for the main course sours.

Because I recognize this as a weakness I make a conscious effort to prop up the baby-gate before I tumble down the stairs and mangle my story.

 Here's how you can too...

Trim the fat. Close your eyes and envision your scene. Very often utilizing all five of your senses will insert your reader into the storyworld you created. But explaining every detail down to the color of the rug on the floor and the pattern of drapes on the windows doesn’t necessarily create atmosphere. Play up the details that create a feeling as you visualize them. Which ones stir your senses? Which ones don’t? Trim the excess and trust the reader to fill in those gaps. Sometimes it’s important to see your heroine wrapped in that hand-knitted heirloom afghan, staring thought the crackling fire, self-medicating with a cup of hot chocolate, dreaming of a love like the her grandparents who overcame everything to be together. The scene can invoke a feeling, and you’ll spend less time in those draggy introspective paragraphs. Other times it’s enough to know she’d simply snuggled up on the couch, nursing a broken heart with the world best remedy. Chocolate. But be aware that fat-free chocolate probably isn't very appealing either. Leave enough marbled in to give it flavor. Snip the rest. Lean and mean!

It’s okay to tell. (But don’t tell anyone I told you.) Think about those two examples above. The first is overly descriptive and showy, you could almost see the scene in a Hallmark movie. The other is understated but gives you the pertinent information so you can move on to the action. Sure, we’ve all heard the rule, show don’t tell. But showing a whole story is not only impossible, but really, really tedious. With things of little consequence, don’t dawdle. We really don’t need to know the way he dragged the towel through his wet hair unless the heroine is intensely preoccupied with the process. More than likely she’s more focused on the beads of water trailing her eyes to more interesting scenery than the blue striped towel you felt compelled to dwell on. (Sorry, not so G-rated here but we’re all adults, right?) The point is, determine when you need to show, and when it’s more effective to tell. (And when to cut all together!)

Actions speak louder than words. Yes, now we are into what is called over-directing. I’ve read a lot of stories where they dictate each characters movements like staging a play. In a production, it’s important to know your position on the stage, the choreography of your movements, your entrance and exit points, ect. You really don’t want to upstage a primadonna, trust me, been there. But in a book you don’t have to waste words explaining every pace of motion, every hand gesture, nor every fidget or throat-clear… UNLESS it informs the reader of unspoken emotions. 

For example, crossing ones arms is a clear defense mechanism. If your character does this while in a heated rant with the hero, she’s protecting herself. Therefore, you can skip saying she rose to the defensive because her body language speaks clearly. Just like a jutting hip or poke in the chest is more antagonistic. When the actions speak, you don’t have to explain their intention. This will save you words and will let your reader know you trust them enough to draw the right conclusions. At the same time, I don’t need to see a volley of activity. He crossed his arms, she shifted her weight, he shrugged his shoulders, she tapped her foot, sighed, tossed her hair, and narrowed her eyes. Be picky. Make your actions count for more than simple movement. Let them enlighten your reader. And leave out the place-keepers that cut up the dialogue with unnecessary staging.

Don’t get too attached. Ooo, this one is tough. This is my baby, remember? It’s kind of like that first haircut, and you just want to save all those feathery soft pieces. Yes, your words are valuable. After all, they ALL come together to create your story. But some, you’ll come to find, are necessary. Some are less so. Know your genre and be sure to consider the pace. Romance, women’s fiction, and historicals can have a more relaxed cadence. Thrillers, suspense, and mystery gotta keep the clip or they lose the reader. Though you never want a muddy plot! I write romantic suspense, which can be tricky. Sometimes it’s appropriate to stop and smell the roses, other times those buds are getting trampled under the pursuit of a killer, so if you stop, you die. Make sense? As a general rule of thumb I recommend reading your story out loud. (To another person is immensely helpful, though not always realistic.) You’d be surprised by the lull you’ll find when you are dragging your voice through each word. Pay attention and put your pride on the shelf.

Over-writing can be fatal. Many a good story has died a slow and painful death to the trappings of a draggy pace. Now, I’m off to go heed my own advice. Go exercise those trimming sheers. Snip, snip. You’ll thank me later! 

YOUR TURN: Are you an over-writer? Where do you notice you over-do it? Plot points? Descriptions? Actions? Staging? Knowing your weakness can be the best defense against it.

Edit happy! Your story is shaping up!

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Amy Leigh Simpson writes Romantic Suspense that is heavy on the romance, unapologetically honest, laced with sass and humor, and full of the unfathomable Grace of God. She is the completely sleep deprived mama to two little tow-headed mischief makers and wife to her very own swoon-worthy hero. Represented by the oh-so-wise and dashing Chip MacGregor of MacGregor Literary Inc.

His Perfect Pace at ACFW

Wow. Has it already been eleven days? It seems like yesterday that I was turning onto the highway toward my fourth ACFW conference! And this year, it came full circle...as my first conference was in the same place...Indianapolis. It is at that first conference that I pitched the same characters (cannot call it the same book, now,after three years of rewrites), met the first of my many friends and co-Alleycats, and basically fell in love with the writing community.

The difference between the last 8 hour drive to Indy in 2010, and this one, is I drove it alone this year...didn't drag my family of five(was expecting our fourth), and pawn them off at the Indy zoo, while I ventured to the Hyatt. This year, I was alone with Jesus, listening to His music, and anxiously looking forward to wrapping my arms around my sweet sweet friends.

As I crept closer, my foot grew heavy though, and I sped along the highway, fighting off the old anxious ways of the newbie I once was, and ignoring the signs that were telling me to slow down. I noticed the $375 minimum fine in the work zone, and I saw the orange cones. I kept up with traffic though, surely I wouldn't get caught. It was just a scare tactic...that big chunk of change. I was on a mission to get to ACFW, I wanted to get there fast and feel the happiness of being among friends and writers, and the thrill of showcasing what God has done, to editors. I kept my foot on the pedal, continued at a consistent distance from the car ahead, and slammed on the brakes when the roadside digital display of my speed showed I was 9 miles over and a flash indicated a photo had been taken.
UGH!
I thought I could beat the odds, because I didn't believe they were really keeping track. My biggest excuse being that I was keeping up with traffic...were they going to ticket all of us? But in the end, the ugly truth flashed in front of me and I was not keeping up with the expectations of the law enforcement. I had raced ahead, only to feel the big fat EXPENSIVE slap of defeat.

After attending four conferences, and looking back over how far I've come (maybe not to publication, but to some sort of maturity in the process)...I realize how that traffic incident is a mirror of the writing journey as I first embarked upon it:

Beat the odds: When I wrote my first story, and began to dabble in the writing circles, I honestly thought I would not fall into the "norm" of a long journey toward publication. I poo-pooed the idea of putting my first book in a drawer never to see the light of day. And I thought, "I will show them" when it came to the extensiveness of such an endeavor as publication. Just like my zipping by the warning signs on the road, I zipped by the words of mentors and authors who said, "Writing is not for the faint at heart."

Keeping up with traffic: When I first stepped into an ACFW conference, and pitched my novel, and compared my notes with others, hearing what agents and editors had asked for, wondering why I didn't get asked for that...I began to try and keep up with the traffic so to speak. I decided to write something else, to enter contests, to put that long list of awards beneath my name, to be sure I stalked the white board at the appointments desk each year and rack up the requests. EVEN IF MY STUFF WASN'T READY...I was not going to be left behind without success.

Facing the Ugly truth:  And that truth, just like the failure of maintaining the expected speed on the highway, the ugly truth of my writing journey before this conference, was that all those attempts, all those written words, ALL those rejections, pointed to the truth that I just wasn't ready. I didn't meet the expectations of the editors, and I paid the price of a wounded ego.
This year, after much rejection under my belt, I realize that the ugly truth of trying to beat the odds and speed along in striving toward publication, the ugly truth that I tried to keep up with "traffic" or the success of others, and facing the ugly but WONDERFUL truth that I just wasn't ready before, has led me to a place where cruise control in God's plan is so much more satisfying. I continue to see the lessons he had taught me during the self-induced race before. And now, I am ready to shout out and claim this journey as uniquely my own, at my own God-induced speed!

This year, I leave behind another ACFW conference knowing the importance of abiding, giving my journey to God, and realizing that publication is not the proof of my gift, but a fruit among many on the writing branch in my heart. Yes, there is always that niggle of comparison, that shadow of regret, but if I shake it off, point my heart toward the LIGHT of God's Grace, and release the pressure on that gas pedal toward success, He'll guide me down this road of my dream at His Most Perfect Pace.
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Angie Dicken first began writing fiction as a creative outlet during the monotonous, mothering days of diapers and temper tantrums. She is passionate to impress God's love on women regardless of their background or belief. This desire serves as a catalyst for Angie's fiction, which weaves salvation and grace themes across historical cultures and social boundaries. Angie is an ACFW member and is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of the Steve Laube Agency.

Why Writers Should Read Part 4-Pacing

This morning while driving to work, I watched a high school girl run down the street toward the city bus, (the mode of bussing in our area). Her mouth was open, bookback sliding off her shoulders, her face reddened and strained, her eyes determined, and her pace, like the wind. She raised her eyes toward the bus sitting at the intersection and pumped her arms faster. The bus driver turned his head toward her and nodded. At that instant they communicated. She collapsed her pace to a stagger and walked the remaining steps to the bus. 

What changed her pace from a desperate push to a relieved  walk, (as much as one can when out of breath)? Did her forward movement change direction when she slowed her pace?

Today we'll look at pacing.

First, kudos to all who finished reading a book in the last two weeks. I had the privilege to read Just Between You and Me by Jenny B Jones for this challenge. And, as my reward, I will use a sample of Jenny's excellent writing skills. But first, a high five to my reading partner this time, Jeanne Takenaka who read the awesome book Wedding Dress by Rachel Hauck. She loved it!

Now back to pacing.

Consider the high school girl mentioned above who pushed a quick pace but then needed a break, so also will your readers.

Getting to the bus piqued interest and drew us in. However, wouldn't you like to know the rest of the story spilled to her classmates on the bus? What made her late? Did she oversleep? Did the car breakdown? What if a car driver made a mistake, ran a stop sign and plowed right into her family's living room window (not so far fetched, it actually happened to a home a few weeks before)?

What ingredients go into a well crafted pace? 

The key: First stir the pot then tell what's in it.

Let's take a look at an excellent example from Just Between You and Me.  I randomly opened to a chapter and found this fitting segment for pacing:

"Do you have an appointment?" the school secretary asks me...

"No." It takes everything I've got to pull my cheek muscles into some semblance of a smile. I feel like I just got off an all-night flight to Europe, missed my eight hours of sleep, and landed in a time zone where daylight shines and I must participate.

"No appointment," she repeats, like my appearance is the equivalent of standing on a tabletop and yodeling in the library.

"Danielle and I are old friends. She'll be totally okay with it. In fact." 

Jenny's opening statement plays several roles. Today let's look only at the pacing. 

1. Stir the pot- Right away the reader wants to know why the character wants to speak with the principal,who else would the secretary guard with a statement like that? Is the character angry? Maybe something urgent like the death of a family member, or a non custodial parent en route to kidnap her child prevents her from making an appointment? The opening line had me curious, ready to run the race/compelled to read more. 

2. Give the pace a jolt forward with tension- The main character says one answer to the secretary while thinking another. Notice Jenny B. Jones' skill in communicating inward voice after the one word answer. This technique keeps the reader in the know, but not the secretary which is essential for well crafted pace. Readers like to have the inside scoop and use it to scream orders at unknowing characters. Like a ping pong ball slapped to the other side of the table, this statement does not leave the ball in the main character's court.

3. Give the reader a break- A break does not mean stop/bore/drill/fill with mountains of backstory! This is the opportunity to answer questions sprouting from the fast pace. In Jenny B. Jones' example above the reader is given a break with the secretary's repeated line, "No appointment." Oh my. I can see a plump older lady with her glasses creeping down her nose and furrowing her brows. Then to amuse the reader more, the main character exaggerates, and thus adds rich color to the setting. Now the reader is primed to discover answers. They can see, hear, feel touch, breathe and understand.  

The answer to the questions are in the final comment.  The principal is "her" friend--whether the secretary thinks so or not. Friends get to come into a principal's office unannounced, voice their opinion, and ask for help in ways no other can.

Don't let the rest last too long, though. The reader likes this break, appreciates understanding what is happening and is now ready to move on.

4. What's next? More action. Crank up the pace again by stirring the pot.

There is much more that could be learned from pacing in our books. What have you learned in your writing journey about pacing? If you can, share a book that wowed you with its pacing.

This last week several people told me they looked deeper than entertainment in the book they read and found many great writing examples to study. Each said they had started marking passages with colored highlighters to refer back to. None will be giving their books away :) And neither will I.

If you've want to go back to read Parts 1-3 of this series: plot, flat characters, dialogue fluidity 

Soooooooooo who's willing to be my accountability partner for these next two weeks? I already picked my book: Love Starts with Elle by Rachel Hauck.


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Photos courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

This blog post is by Mary Vee
Mary lives in Montana with her husband and loves to hear from her three college kids. She writes contemporary Christian fiction and loves to pen missionary and Bible adventure stories.

Come Step into Someone Else's World with Mary's writing

To learn more about Mary, visit her blog http://www.mimaryvee.blogspot.com/
Or email her at mimary_vee@yahoo.com

Just Tell Me, Already!

I'm about to break a rule. I'm about to give you advice that goes against everything you've ever heard. And no, it has nothing to do with cute shoes.

Here it is: sometimes it's better to "tell" than "show."

This past week, I've been reading the newest Karen Kingsbury book. If you haven't heard of Karen Kingsbury, then you probably aren't living in North America. She writes romantic suspense and romance, and let's just say she's a very successful Christian writer. And do you know what word I found in this book?

"Felt."

No. Joke. I can almost hear you gasp as you read this. How many times have you been told to never directly tell your readers about your character's feelings? To instead show the character gasping for air, leaping with joy, or choking back a sob? But you know what? This line really worked for me. And it's not just because it was written by Karen Kingsbury (although I will admit, that did make me feel more confident about writing this blog!). I've found the same thing to be true with other authors, like one of my all-time favorites, Robin Jones Gunn.

Let me tell you a little personal story. A while back, I got it in my head that I had to completely rid my writing of telling. I'd heard showing presented the strongest story, and that was that. So do you know what I did? I showed everything. And do you know what I was told by some of the people who read that manuscript? That my characters were difficult to connect with on an emotional level. I'm convinced the problem was, I was so focused on showing every little detail that those readers never knew what my characters were really feeling. And let's face it: a story where readers don't yearn for the characters is not a very good story.

Lest you think I'm suggesting you do a 180 and suddenly start telling your reader everything, don't worry--I'm not suggesting that either. I'm simply saying that sometimes telling does work best, so long as it's used sparingly and properly.

You still don't believe me. I can tell. It's going to take a while to let go of all that hatred you've built up toward "telling." I might as well be suggesting you start writing in dialect or passive voice, right? Well, let me give you a few examples of where it might work best to use telling:

1) To skip through time or distance. Your heroine is taking a trip to Europe. If you show us all the steps she takes from the time she steps into airport security until the time she greets Rome, that is going to be borrrring. We have a hard enough time staying awake through airport security in real life. Sometimes it's better to give us a sentence or two of summary or telling, sparing us the details.

2) To help pacing. This point goes hand-in-hand with the last one, but too much showing can drastically affect your pacing. Speed through the scenes (or scene changes) that don't need that much emphasis by telling us what happens instead of showing every little thing. That way, when you get back to showing, we'll know we're supposed to pay attention.

3) To build emotion or have a "wowsers" moment. Ever read a book with chapter breaks that hooked you so well you just had to keep reading? Many times, books will achieve this effect by combining a description of emotion (often in a telling way) with a "showing" list of things. So imagine a chapter that ended this way:

Strands of hair stuck to her too-sticky lip gloss. She turned away from him, overwhelmed by the smell of her own perfume. The boning of her bridesmaid's dress jabbed her ribs, and in that moment, she knew.


She would never be the same.

Notice the way that last part is technically telling, but it ramps up the showing, taking it to the next level rather than diminishing it. You never want to use telling to cover up poor writing. You only want to use it when you already have the structural elements of the "showing" in place, to add another layer to those showing elements. When used well, brief snipbits of telling can give us a beautiful window into the character's world.

Telling is definitely a practiced art. You have to do a lot of showing before you earn the right to tell for a little while. But remember that the "show, don't tell" rule is really more of a guideline.

Have you been taught to "show, don't tell," and have you ever wanted to break that rule? Can you think of any examples from books that break this rule well? What are some other roles of "telling" we can add to the list?

Photos from http://slowwriteturn.blogspot.com/2011/02/show-dont-tell.html, http://www.zazzle.com/show_dont_tell_sticker-217558938852844858

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Ashley Clark writes romantic comedy with southern grace. She's dreamed of being a writer ever since the thumbprint-cookie-days of library story hour. Ashley has an M.A. in English and enjoys teaching literature courses at her local university. She's an active member of ACFW and runs their newcomer's loop. When she's not writing, Ashley's usually busy rescuing stray animals and finding charming new towns. You can find Ashley on her personal blog and herTumblr. She's also on Facebook and Twitter. She is represented by Karen Solem.

Weeding Our Manuscripts Part II: Word Whacking to Increase Pace

"Man, your story has so much conflict, but you keep slowing it down with the words you're using." 

One of the best things about critique groups when you hear something from more than one person over time...its major confirmation.

Last time I talked about fear: Weeding Out I: Fear

Today let's get out our weedwhacker and find out how making some crucial cuts can up the pace of your story?



1) Weed #1: Long paragraphs

Dickens may have been able to get away with paragraphs that last for pages, but we can't and shouldn't. 

I have to admit, it comes naturally to me to write longer paragraphs. Even for this post, I'm trying to consciously focus on increasing the white space so the eye passes over it more quickly.

I notice shorter paragraphs are utilized in many of the most highly followed blogs. One of my personal favorites, Ann Voskamp has mastered the art of helping the readers eyes glide over the page with her short paragraphs punctuated with breathtaking photographs. 



2) Weed #2: Lack of dialogue or too many dialogue tags.

My name is Julia and I'm a dialogue tag addict. 

It all started with trying to avoid he said/she said. 

The next thing I know my characters are Pilates queens making odd body contortions and facial twitches.

"Your characters don't have to do something every time they talk."

Guilty as charged. Too many dialogue tags can slow your reader down. 

Also increasing the amount of dialogue is a great way to up the tension. 

One writer to watch in this area is Ronie Kendig. The novels in her Discarded Heroes series don't slow down for a single paragraph and she often uses dialogue to ratchet the conflict up a notch.

Here's a short example from Firethorn:

“You move one wrong muscle,” the one in front of Cowboy growled, “and so help me God, I’ll kill you.”      “No you won’t.” Cowboy lowered his hands. “If you wanted me dead, I wouldn’t be out here.”

A few short lines of dialogue, but powerful.



3) Weed #3: Unecessary Descriptions



I recently read an article in Writer's Digest by Stephen King. In it he includes a powerful excerpt from one of his early novels, The Shining. I have clipped this article because I thought it was an excellent example of giving "just enough" description.

The main character describes his father in a simple paragraph, yet the reader comes away knowing so much about the main character and his origins.

Jack's father used to play a game, maybe one your father played with you. Lying down on the floor. My dad called this game "Superman." 

Jack's father's game was a bit different than what some preschoolers played with Dad because occasionally his dad didn't catch him. Instead he went crashing into the wall.

King uses simple details such as the beer mustache, his father's odd jerky movements and his slightly rancid smell to show the reader Jack's father was an alcoholic. A few key details show the reader much about who Jack is today. Yet he doesn't include every detail (what Dad was wearing, what the walls looked like, etc).


(OK, I always feel like I have to give a caveat here, as its important to me to not have to worry about stumbling anyone. This is not meant as a recommendation for this particular book. But I did find this as a good enough example that I wanted to include it).



4) Weed #4: Too wordy

I recently received manuscript help in the form of simple slashes. 

Some words deserve to die. Here's a list from Tameri.

Do you have any to add? My common offenders are then and often, but I'm sure my online and face-to-face critique partners could find some I've missed.

Tightening up your prose is often as simple as reducing words.



Reading your work aloud is a simple way to solve many of these issues in pacing. Try having a friend read your work to you, utilize Word's vocal features, or read it to yourself with a tape recorder in hand.

You'll be amazed at what you notice about your writing.

Do you have a favorite book or author that keeps you turning the pages? What ideas have you used to increase the pace in your own novel? Or what do you think would help increase the pace in your own novel?

Julia enjoys writing women's fiction whenever she can find a chair free of smushed peanut butter sandwiches and lego blocks. She is a wife and homeschooling mama of two littles. She also enjoys reading and reviewing books for The Title Trakk, a Christian review site.   

What I've Learned About Writing From Joining a Book Club

I probably shouldn't have joined a book club. It's not like I don't have enough to read. The good thing, however, is that we read pretty much anything and everything I'd probably never pick up on my own. Maybe that doesn't sound like a good thing, but it is! It helps me branch out and grow as a writer. And not only that, the feedback from the rest of the group has shown me what different readers (different genders with different tastes) really do and don't want in fiction.

So what have I learned about writing from my book club?

1. Multiple POVs or scene shifts can be confusing or annoying
If there's not a reason to shift scenes or POVs every page or two, then maybe think twice about doing it! I know it works for some authors, especially those who are more established, but some members of my book club bring it up time and time again. The constant POV or scene shifts are too much!

2. Relatable characters are a must
Yeah, we writers hear this all the time. And hey, now we know it's not a myth! Readers are looking for characters they want to root for and if they don't like the character, they're not going to want to read about them for several hours and several more pages.

3. Ditch the description
There are readers in my group (none of them are writers, by the way, except for me) who are fans of literary fiction and genres that tend to have more description. And even they are saying, "I ended up skimming the story for pages and pages because there was too much description." It's worth it to watch your words and make the most of page space. It might result in a devoted reader instead of one who wants to put your book down.

4. Misleading back page summaries are disappointing
I know much of this has to do with the publisher, and authors don't always get a final say. But if you do have some say when your book is published, the closer the summary resembles to the book, the better.

5. Pacing is important and first pages are really important
Gotta start with momentum and keep it up. Also, as far as pacing, it's great to switch between description, internal thoughts, dialogue, etc. Paragraphs upon paragraphs of just one thing gets overwhelming. Mix it up!

6. Don't write too many subplots
Yeah, my other book club members dislike too much of this, as I do. It can get confusing if not done well, and hard for readers to get one defining theme from the story. Which brings up my next point...

7. Tie up loose ends
Along with all those plots comes several threads that need to be wrapped up. Readers don't like to be left hanging. It makes the reader not trust the writer. They want to know that the time they invested has a conclusion, and a good conclusion at that!

Have any of you ever been involved in a book club and what have you learned about writing from it? Or, if you haven't, what kinds of things do you dislike as a reader?

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Cindy is a Colorado native, living near the mountains with her husband and three beautiful daughters. She writes contemporary Christian romance, seeking to enrich lives with her stories of faith, love, and a touch of humor.

To learn more about Cindy, visit her at her personal blog, www.cindyrwilson.blogspot.com