The Telling Detail

Some authors have the uncanny ability to bring their novels to life using rich, telling details.

I'm not talking about using heaps of description. Let's face it, your reader is most likely to skim right over endless paragraphs of flowery, adjective-laden prose.

I'm talking about those small, concrete details that make a scene ring true to life. A character feel real. A setting come alive so you can practically touch, smell and taste it.

These details are often simple, but the most powerful examples never feel clichéd. The author finds a way to describe something ordinary in a way that feels fresh, yet also deeply familiar.

Image by papaija2008

Today I wanted to share with you some examples from authors I love. Notice the way a talented writer will focus in on one or two small, seemingly trivial details within the larger frame.

"She was a big rawboned plain person, tall and unlikely, with a ragged haircut and a white tee-shirt coming unstitched along the shoulder." - The Idea of Perfection, Kate Grenville

"The coffee was so strong it didn't change color when she poured the milk in. 'You look different,' she said. We sat down at her dining room table, gilded chairs with harp backs. She pulled out small mats with Dutch tulips for our cups." - White Oleander, Janet Fitch

"The guy's wearing a khaki uniform, maybe he's come up from the engine room. He kneels, sets up some kind of monitor, and positions two things with black cords coming out of them on Mr. Stone's battered chest. He has short, blunt fingers with black hairs on them." - The Last Girls, Lee Smith.

"It was 1948 and the countryside, now that I think back on it, was as peaceful and well-ordered as an illustration from a Dick-and-Jane book. Lone gasoline pumps, fields flowered over like bedspreads. Trees turning perfectly red and perfectly yellow. At the entrance to the fairgrounds, a billboard showed a lipsticked, finger-waved housewife holding up a jar of homemade preserves."

In each of these examples, notice that the choice of detail is quite precise and deliberate. What do you think the author is trying to say about the character or setting she is describing?

In these next examples, the authors engage our senses in unexpected ways.

"The horses were behind them, still harnessed but unhitched from the plough, cropping grass with a sound like tearing bed sheets. The tea came out of a thermos but was still hot enough to take the roof off your mouth." - The Other Side of the Bridge, Mary Lawson

"Her hair, the color of caramel straw, was very straight and tattered at the ends; she was chewing gum and a strong smell of Juicy Fruit was coming off her."- The Goldfinch, Donna Tartt

"There was the barbecue with the men around it poking at the cooking meat, and a big table in the shade under a tree, the food all covered with little domes of fly-wire, and a square of bright blue swimming-pool where children were jumping in, splashing up water that was like chips of glass in the sun." - The Idea of Perfection, Kate Grenville

Which of these examples says something to you as a reader? What feelings or associations or ideas do they conjure? 

Your turn. Would you share with us a sentence or two from your WIP where you've used a concrete detail to illuminate a character or setting?

Karen Schravemade lives in Australia, where she mothers by day and transforms into a fearless blogger by night. She's a Genesis finalist for women's fiction and is represented by Rachel Kent of Books & Such. Find her on Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, and getting creative on her home-making blog, A house full of sunshine.

Setting that Sparks the Senses!

 A lifetime ago, I graduated with a Degree in Landscape Architecture. One thing we were taught to incorporate in our designs is a thematic experience that would engage the senses. Whether it be the use of a site line to direct the somber view of a memorial, or aromatic plant material to provide pleasant smells in an outdoor tea room, the senses were always considered in our landscape designs.

As writers, this is also true for the setting. Using the setting to spark the senses is a crucial tool for active participation of the reader. It transports them into the novel, and ultimately, into the character's mind. If we miss the opportunities to utilize the setting in an active way, then we've missed the chance to connect readers deeper to the story and characters.

Here are some examples of instances in three of my novels with very different settings. I first give an attempt without the use of senses, and then the actual section with the senses incorporated.


Rural Hunt County, Texas: 

Without senses:  When she stepped off the bus, the white steeple in the distance stirred bad memories in her mind. Even now, after many years, she was reminded of her awful childhood every Sunday.

OR:

The odor of exhaust offended her, but not nearly as much as the pointed steeple growing closer in the distance. She could almost smell the bleach used to scrub the church and make it shine. The scent of that place was clearer in her mind than the exhaust haze she had just stepped through. She was assaulted every Sunday with the stench. 

Using her sense of SMELL gives enough implication  at her internal struggle affected by the external surroundings without just saying the setting had a negative effect.


The Coal mines of Utah:

Without senses: The coal mine began to cave in. 
"Run Jack!" Stavros yelled. He ran through the mine amidst the commotion. Rocks fell everywhere. He covered his mouth and nose to keep from inhaling the dust. When Stavros stepped into the daylight, he wept. 

Jack was gone.


OR:


When the moan turned into a loud crack just behind and above Stavros, he whipped his head around. “Run Jack!” But a rocky clatter of tumbling rock muffled his words. 

Stavros covered his face with his arm and began to crawl away. He looked back one more time, into darkness and rubble. The ceiling had collapsed within seconds, a puff of dust pushing Stavros to continue on and avoid breathing as much as possible. He moved faster, drowning in powdery breaths. 
When the light of day seared his eyes, and the crisp air soothed his lungs, Stavros fell to the ground and wept. 

 Jack was gone.

The coal mine setting becomes the enemy for the hero. The senses of SOUND, SIGHT, TOUCH, and TASTE heighten the intensity of the struggle.


The Peruvian Amazon Jungle: 

Without senses: I ran through the jungle, determined to reach my destination. When I reached the pool, I jumped in. But as I came up, I noticed the beautiful man upon the rocks, just above the falls. 

OR:

I ran through the vibrant foliage like a monkey running from a hungry jaguar. The thick forest air glazed my skin with its moist kiss and lingered long enough to induce an anxious thirst for the waiting waters. I wiped the beads from my eyes, the hair from my cheeks. Fingers of light summoned me through two large ferns, and I heard the gurgle of the falls spilling into the pool. Brushing through the fronds, I came to the most familiar edge of our sunlit pool, and slipped my whole body into the water without a second blink or a gasp for air. The swimming mirror delighted my skin. My previous thoughts were left on the side of the bank. I indulged in the pure quenching of my body's heat, nothing else entered my mind. 

But as I came up to fill my chest with air, I nearly choked on my anticipated breath. All the thoughts laying on the bank jumped up and took hold of me again when I saw the beautiful man upon the rocks, just above the falls.

The setting is crucial to developing the character in this story. Because she is a native, she has a unique relationship to the land, so engaging the senses of TOUCH, SOUND, SIGHT, and TASTE, enhance the importance of the relationship.


Wanna share a snippet from your own stories? If not, do you have a setting in mind that you would love to explore with your senses?

***************************************************************************

Angie Dicken first began writing fiction as a creative outlet during the monotonous days of diapers and temper tantrums. She is passionate to impress God's love on women regardless of their background or belief. This desire serves as a catalyst for Angie's fiction, which weaves salvation and grace themes across historical cultures and social boundaries. Angie is an ACFW member and is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of the Steve Laube Agency.

What is Your Novel Missing? Senses

It's my goal with every new story I write to make it better than the last. Sure, I try to hit all the big topics--a great hook, no plot holes, deeper characters, etc. but with my new manuscript, I also have a goal to specifically address all those small things my novels are often missing - at least during the first draft.

So today I wanted to start with one of the simplest things I tend to miss in my manuscript. Senses. Yep, something so basic yet something I know I tend to skimp on when writing a story.

Using each of the senses throughout the story is a great and simple way to bring your story to life.

Sight

Uses/Examples - Colors, textures, patterns, movements, placement of objects or people in a room.

Application - Imagine your character walking into the setting (a home, somewhere outside or in public, etc.). Try to pick out the objects they (looking through the eyes of your character) would gravitate toward first. A picture on the wall, a polka-dot pillow, a fish jumping in the stream. It will probably be different depending on your character's gender or their characteristics (like whether they're more creative or analytical).

Sound

Uses/Examples - Backgroung noise/white noise (a fan humming, dishwasher churning), the noise a character is making (tapping nails on a tabletop, the stomp of feet while walking). Also, the common sounds of nature, traffic, animals, other people.

Application - Close your eyes, hear all the noises around you, commonplace noises and distinct ones. Now picture your character doing the same and apply what they would hear to the scene.

Smell

Uses/Examples - Flowers, foods, anything else in nature, cleaning products, etc. Not just good smells but negative smells, too.

Application - Ask yourself what the character would tend to notice. Flowery smells, pungent smells, perfumes, etc. and use them to not only enhance the scene but teach more about the character by showing how the smell affects them.

Taste

Uses/Examples - Textures, temperatures, potency, blandness.

Application - Use your own experiences about specific tastes and try to use strong descriptive words to capture those in your scene.

Touch

Uses/Examples - Textures, temperatures, pressure (hard, soft, light, rough).

Application - Again, be character sensitive and use descriptions of how the touch of something feels to the character and how it makes them feel inside as well.

So when you're applying these to your story, sight will obviously be there most frequently. Try to be unique and use strong adjectives. Not, the air was cold, but the air had bite or instead of a cool breeze, maybe a frigid wind. As far as frequency, I have heard of putting each of the senses on each page but on such senses as taste, that seems excessive. Try using the most common (sight) on every page and one or two additional senses on each page as well. Balance it per scene so you can incorporate at least one of the four less used senses per scene, and then decide whether or not you need more (if you have longer scenes).

For me, smell is the sense I'm always challenged with remembering to incorporate. What about you? What sense is the most challenging for you to remember, and what tricks do you use to incorporate the senses into your manuscript?

Also, next post I'll be continuing the What Is You Novel Missing? series with something a bit more complicated - deep POV.


*photos from flickr

Self-Editing Checklist: Externals

In my limited experience as a contest judge, I'd say there's one common mistake among all beginner writers:

Too much internalization.

Thinking and walking. Thinking and driving. Thinking and eating. And somewhere along the way, *bam* there's another character who talks! Then it's back to thinking and walking. Thinking and driving, etc., etc., etc.

In order to create a compelling story, we can't ignore the externals. What do I mean by externals? I'm glad you asked. :-)

By externals, I'm talking about physical actions, body language, and the five senses. Internalization and dialogue aren't enough. Establishing the setting isn't enough (more on how to do that in a future post). A perfect blend of these elements along with externals creates a can't-put-it-down kind of book.

So let's get to the meat, shall we? Here are some things to check for:

1) Do you have a good balance of physical movement in your scenes? Is your character sitting in one paragraph, then all the sudden she's standing next to the window in the next? How did she get there? Act it out if you have to.

I'm not saying you should outline every single physical action. Too much non-crucial stuff keeps the story from moving forward. But the goal is to combine action with emotion. For example, instead of just having your character walk, you could say, "She paced from the couch to the fireplace and back again, her feet gaining bounce with each step." Now we can see firsthand she's excited about something.

2) Do you show a character's reactions and emotions through appropriate body language? Casey did a fabulous post about body language a couple months ago. It's a must-read. The key is making sure you vary the physical reactions, making them unique to each character and to the situation.

3) Do you use all five senses effectively? Are they appropriate to the scene and the character? Do you fuse them with emotion to enhance the story? Here's an example:

"The dingy walls crept closer, and the basement's musty smell pressed deep into the crevices of her being. How could she follow through on his offer when she wanted nothing to do with him?"

This character is struggling with a choice, and the setting and smells of the basement mirror her feelings of being trapped. So using the five senses is more than just having smell, taste, sound. It's about using them to enhance the scene and make the reader feel as if they're living the scene with the character.

Resources: In my mind, there's one primary resource when it comes to writing externals. I'm a huge fan of Margie Lawson's classes. If you haven't checked out her lecture packets, what are you waiting for? :-)

Your homework, should you choose to accept it: Analyze your scenes and act out the physical action if you need to. Study the body language and senses, making sure you have a variety that is unique to the scene and the characters.

So tell me, have I missed any "externals"? Are there any tricks you use to make sure your manuscript has the right blend of movement?

*This post is part of the Self-Editing Checklist series. For the rest of the series, click here.

**Edit photo by ningmilo / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
***Jumping photo by photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net