Too much internalization.
Thinking and walking. Thinking and driving. Thinking and eating. And somewhere along the way, *bam* there's another character who talks! Then it's back to thinking and walking. Thinking and driving, etc., etc., etc.
In order to create a compelling story, we can't ignore the externals. What do I mean by externals? I'm glad you asked. :-)
By externals, I'm talking about physical actions, body language, and the five senses. Internalization and dialogue aren't enough. Establishing the setting isn't enough (more on how to do that in a future post). A perfect blend of these elements along with externals creates a can't-put-it-down kind of book.
So let's get to the meat, shall we? Here are some things to check for:
1) Do you have a good balance of physical movement in your scenes? Is your character sitting in one paragraph, then all the sudden she's standing next to the window in the next? How did she get there? Act it out if you have to.
I'm not saying you should outline every single physical action. Too much non-crucial stuff keeps the story from moving forward. But the goal is to combine action with emotion. For example, instead of just having your character walk, you could say, "She paced from the couch to the fireplace and back again, her feet gaining bounce with each step." Now we can see firsthand she's excited about something.2) Do you show a character's reactions and emotions through appropriate body language? Casey did a fabulous post about body language a couple months ago. It's a must-read. The key is making sure you vary the physical reactions, making them unique to each character and to the situation.
3) Do you use all five senses effectively? Are they appropriate to the scene and the character? Do you fuse them with emotion to enhance the story? Here's an example:
"The dingy walls crept closer, and the basement's musty smell pressed deep into the crevices of her being. How could she follow through on his offer when she wanted nothing to do with him?"
This character is struggling with a choice, and the setting and smells of the basement mirror her feelings of being trapped. So using the five senses is more than just having smell, taste, sound. It's about using them to enhance the scene and make the reader feel as if they're living the scene with the character.
Resources: In my mind, there's one primary resource when it comes to writing externals. I'm a huge fan of Margie Lawson's classes. If you haven't checked out her lecture packets, what are you waiting for? :-)
Your homework, should you choose to accept it: Analyze your scenes and act out the physical action if you need to. Study the body language and senses, making sure you have a variety that is unique to the scene and the characters.
So tell me, have I missed any "externals"? Are there any tricks you use to make sure your manuscript has the right blend of movement?
*This post is part of the Self-Editing Checklist series. For the rest of the series, click here.
**Edit photo by ningmilo / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
***Jumping photo by photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
