Radar O'Reilly Writes Again

Last week I read the perfect story to stimulate today's post. I won't give names. No titles. Not a clue about the story. Those details aren't important, because we can all see a bit of ourselves in this topic.

C'mon this is a time to laugh at the writing you used to do...and maybe still slip into every once in a while.

In fact, I'll bring in Radar O'Reilly, company clerk for MASH 4077 (TV show) as our guest to help us enjoy today's ride.

In Episode 15 of season 5, Radar signs up for a writing course to improve himself. He says, "Writers gain respect from those around them."

The first day of his course Radar dives into his new role as a writer with this:

The friendly old sun showed his friendly hot face over the mountains of purple majesty as though he was salutating, "Good morning to all."

When his commanding officer calls him under for toying with the military form, Radar says he was adding self-expression to the duty log.

Aha. The key. Adding self-expression. The old author intrusion with a heavy dash of purple prose issue. 

Author intrusion: When we Alice-In-Wonderland ourselves into the story to explain components the reader might miss. After all, readers like to see behind the Wizard of Oz's curtain, right? They might miss the hidden point if we don't. 

Purple prose: The reader may not picture the scene clearly without the added adjectives and adverbs. We're only trying to make the story easier for the reader to see with these clarifying words.

Best rule: strong words/sentences/paragraphs do not need the help of clarifiers to paint a 3D story.

CHALLENGE # 1 How would you help Radar rewrite his sunrise sentence?


Before heading off to bed, Radar finishes the daily log this way:

The sun in its crimson radiance bids a crepuscular adieu to another day.

He asks his commanding officer what he thought of the writing. 
The colonel says he doesn't like it because it sounds like Radar "swallowed a dictionary."

Radar replies,"I'm adding muscle to my vocabulary."

Aha. Another key. Trying to impress with fancy words. 

The perfect word choice: is the word most commonly used in the situation. A reader wants to sit back with a cup of his favorite beverage and enjoy a great read. There are no dictionary apps open on his phone, neither is there a hard copy sitting on his night stand. He wants to be engaged in the story, running with the MC, and yelling at them when they makes the wrong turn. There isn't time to look up a word.

To help a reader deep sea dive into a good story use only the natural word choice. No additives.

CHALLENGE # 2 How would you help Radar rewrite his sunset sentence using natural words?


As a newbie writer I became frustrated after reading a judges crit. She felt I should focus on writing tight. I remember thinking...this judge is so picky. Every word was necessary. How can anyone write a story longer than 40 words if they trim all the words critique partners and judges say. They just don't understand my story.

Um. No. 

I didn't understand my story.

Photo Courtesy

Radar would like to leave you with one more challenge. Care to help him with this one?

The Chinese were giving up in hordes. The vainglorious corporal ran like a bird and sped off in quest of Chinese giver-uppers.

Simplistically yours, 
Walter "Radar" O'Reilly

Points to remember:
1. Use only words that move the story along.
2. Use natural words.
3. Put adjectives and adverbs on a diet. 
4. Be yourself. Fancy words do not impress.

Caveat - There are times when a pompous character is giving a glorious speech, when this over the top writing is not only expected--but required. (nose high in the air)
Care to take a peek at your last written scene? How did you do?
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What questions do you have?
How can we help you?

I can't wait to read your comment(s)
and see how you would help Radar!

 Opening photo by Mary Vee
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If you found any typos in today's post...sorry about that. 

Mary writes young adult mystery/suspense Christian fiction, is honing marketing and writing skills, and loves to pen missionary and Bible adventure stories on her ministry blog, God Loves Kids. She has finaled in several writing contests.

Visit Mary at her website and her ministry blog to families: God Loves Kids. Or chat on Facebook or Twitter

Summer Flowers and Purple Prose

June is right around the corner. Everyday new flowers blossom.

Flowers have a special sweet scent. An aura calling our senses to experience them. 

What is the first thing that caught your eye in the photo to the left? The purple flowers, right? The vibrant color leaps from this nature scene, enticing us to find this place, hike to the flowers, and drink in the scent.

Notice the scene is not consumed by the lavender? It is, however, delicately balanced, placed there by the Great Artist/Gardner/Creator as a splash of goodness.


We could say God has used his creation to show us how to refine our writing skills. Today's lesson: Purple Prose

What is purple prose?

Simple definition: Purple prose is exaggerated writing. 

I'm going to step out on a limb (please don't push me off). Sometimes purple prose is good.

Sometimes not. I happen to enjoy a good purple passage now and then. To be fair to the masses reading this post, I will present what is considered wrong with purple prose--AND add spices of it's goodness along the way. [whimsical grin]

Generally speaking, purple prose is elongated, descriptive passages laced with what some writers might consider creative words, but in fact are repetitive synonyms and complicated vocabulary words haphazardly strung together to show off the intelligence of the author. Fifty to ninety percent of the words used in these sentences/passages, however, can be deleted and still maintain the integrity of the passage.

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The Urban Dictionary provides this example of purple prose: by dazzlemethis August 11, 2009

normal writing: 
she lay on her bed dreaming.

purple prose: 
she lay upon her silken sheets in her ornately embellished robes of satin, her chest ascending and descending easily with every passing second, deep inside the caverns of her subconscious mind

Red flags should go off immediately for this purple prose example. POV issues!!! But that is another post for another day. Still, the example brings one issue into the light. The extra words didn't reveal anything else other than "she" must be rich. 

Okay, Mary hopping in with the sprinkle of good. When I read the example of Doc from Back to the Future I could see the extraneous point I discussed above...but still loved his lines. I even quote his hilarious lines:

Doc: Look, there's a rythmic, ceremonial ritual coming up!

Marty: Of course! The "Enchantment under the Sea" dance!

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Confession: I enjoy the show The Voice. I actually jot down some of the advice given to the competitors and  use nuggets in writing. Adam Levine stopped one of his singers during a practice session and said, "You don't need the extra attitude that is there. I just think there are certain moments that can be a little bit more simpler, you know? You really have the power to deliver a vocal. You don't need that extra sauce kind of stuff. Don't over sing."  

Even though he didn't say it, he was talking about a singing version of purple prose. 

Mary hopping in again with another sprinkle of good: I find Stefanie Arr's words helpful: "one person’s purple prose may be another person’s vivid description. Unfortunately (or, fortunately, depending on who you are), this is largely a judgment call. From Purple Prose: What It is and How to Avoid it, 12/15/2011

Still, we want to be great writers. 

Writers who can compose fantastic descriptions that do not go over the top. 

The perfect blend between tight writing and 3-D sensory description.

How can we do this?

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1. Use words that reflect your voice. Would you really say those words found in the thesaurus when you searched there the last time? I searched for purple and then prose and found violaceous for purple and shibboleth for prose. I don't think I'll be using those synonyms!  Sure you know the suggested synonyms found in resources, or most of them. Kinda. Use the thesaurus with caution choosing only the best word that reflects your voice.

2. Use description to paint senses as needed. Trust the reader's mind to fill in and tailor fit the painting for their journey through the story. We really don't need to show everything. Just enough to do the job.

3. Use exclamation points, ellipsis, and other purple punctuation sparingly. Let strong writing communicate surprise, delight, horror, and slow, deliberate thinking. Using these tools too often are actually a form of telling, not showing.

4. Examine the reason why the flowery description with big words would fit. Does the sentence sound really good to you? Maybe make you feel like patting yourself on the back and say, "Wow, I AM a great writer." Perhaps the sentence/paragraph has upstaged the rest of the chapter. Whoa! Time for that red flag, again. Successful writers never write to boast or let a renegade sentence steal the show. They write so others can read. 

On the other hand, (yes, this is another Mary good purple prose sprinkling), purple prose is a fantastic tool for humor, exaggeration, intended misinterpretation, etc. Go ahead and laugh at the sentence your wrote. Read it to your friends and family. Get them on board. Now we're talking marketing. Whoops. Something shiny.

5. Most-BUT NOT ALL- adverbs could be weeded out. An adverb usually, (keyword: usually) is a sign of a weak verb. Give that verb a vitamin B shot and let it stand on its own. For example: instead of saying Jane searched wildly, try Jane rummaged.  Remember: adverbs are real words and may be used. Treat adverbs like you would a lemon in a recipe. Sparingly. For Zest.

It's easy to find purple prose in other writer's manuscripts. Not so much in our own. Yet, amazing enough, if we're told to cut a certain amount of words in order to submit our work guest which ones will be sliced? Have you noticed?

Here is your challenge: You have been told by an editor to slice one hundred words from chapter one. Highlight the words you would choose to cut. Are these sentences/words/paragraphs actually purple prose?

You may not have time to do this challenge right now. Try to put it on your schedule and share with me next time.

In the meantime, add depth to one of these sentences without using purple prose: (you can turn the sentence into a short para if needed)

1. The ship sank.
2. Jeff choked.
3. She hated red.


I'm looking forward to your input!

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This blog post is by Mary Vee

Mary has moved to Michigan with her husband, closer to her three college kids. She misses the mountains of Montana, but loves seeing family more often. She writes contemporary and romance Christian fiction, is honing marketing and writing skills, and loves to pen missionary and Bible adventure stories on her ministry blog, God Loves Kids.

Visit Mary at her website and her ministry blog to families: God Loves Kids. Or chat on Facebook or Twitter