Lassoing the Nasty "Show, Don't Tell" Rule

If you haven’t had a chance to read posts from this week, you’re in for a treat.  We’re rustlin’ up some of our favorite newbie writer's rules.  Today we’ll lasso “Show, Don’t Tell.”

A regular frustration during my writing course came when my instructor scribbled comments like:   “What did he look like when he was angry?”  At first I stared at the question.  What did he mean by that? Everyone knows what anger looks like.  Aack!

After many trial and errors, I realized my teacher wanted me to show “anger” not simply tell “anger” in my text. BTW this doesn’t mean I’m a graduate of the “Show, Don’t Tell” rule.  

Think of a silent movie, (a later one done in color for this purpose) in which one character is filled with rage.  Since there isn’t a cue card or sound, the character needs to “show” rage to the audience.  She’ll probably exaggerate components like a balled fist, red face, bulging eyes, body leaning forward, and etc. to communicate “rage.”

One mistake I’ve made when attempting to “show” is adding too many words.  The goal is not to add or take away words, but to have the best words. Here’s where the “Write Tight” rule hops in.  Perhaps someone will address that in a future post.

The following paragraph "tells" about a storm:

Last night while working on my story a storm blew out of nowhere and pelted the neighborhood.  At one point the wind broke through the study window. Unfortunately, the computer shut off before I could power down.  I have to admit, I was scared.  My daughter was scared, too.  I found her in the hall and hugged her. As we sat together huddled on the floor, the power blinked then faded. I prayed for God's help and held her close.  

1.     Do you have a visual of this scene?

2.     Did you have sensory clues like sounds, smells, sights, texture, or tastes?

3.     Did you experience this scene with the character?

Here is a "showing" version of the same scene:

I tapped one or two new words to my WIP.  For some bizarre reason my characters wouldn’t speak to me tonight. 

The houselights flickered.  Sure looked like another summer storm brewing.  "Come, on, just two hundred more words to make my count." 

“Momma?”

“Katy? Why are you up?”

“Th—th--there’s a loud noise.”

“Go back to bed, Sweetie. It’s only rain.” I watched her toddle off, blanket in tow. 

Rain tapped on the house in the same rhythm as the keys.  A second thunderclap rattled the windows.  I glanced up as the lights flickered again.

“Momma!”

The monitor flashed black  “I’m coming.” 

Her footsteps rapped on the hall floor.  Without warning the lights evaporated.  “Momma!”

I groped the air in front of me. God, please show me where the doorway is.  “Stay where you are, Katy. Momma’s coming.”

I inched a few steps forward. Something is—what’s that humming sound? Thunder cracked. Lightening flashed through the windows. I ran toward the door. “Katy?”

Her scream sliced through pounding hailstones on the roof.

“Stay still, I’m coming.”  Where is she?  My arms flailed back and forth in the blank air.  I took another step forward and felt her soft, baby hair.  She lunged at my leg and squeezed.  “We’re OK, Sweetie.” I tried to slow my breath.  “It’s only a storm.”

We snuggled right there on the floor.  She whined, “I’m scared.” Her little heart pulsed like a speeding train against my skin. I pulled her back into the study and rubbed her back.  

Look back at the questions listed above. Would your answers differ for this second version? Which scene gave you a visual, provided you with sensory clues, and allowed you to experience the event with the character?  

Some telling paragraphs are longer than the showing version. This is often caused by unnecessary description.  The goal is not to add or take away words, but to have the best words  

There are several great sites offering worksheets and samples for the Show Don't Tell rule.  Here are a two:

http://www.tonibuzzeo.com/show_dont_tell.pdf - 

has great practice worksheets

http://palc.sd40.bc.ca/palc/ac-archive/0301/ACmay703.htm 

(excellent-teaches, gives practice-click for possible answer.)

Do you have an example of Show, Don’t Tell to share?