Postpartum: Surviving The First Month After Book Release

As many of you may know, I’m a mom of five. Each pregnancy, delivery, and first 3 months had their own set of rewards and challenges, but nothing quite compared to the first time.

Whoa.

I’d waited almost 9 months. Gone through at least 3 baby books on ‘what to expect’, took the birthing classes, learned to live without sleep because of my smashed bladder, worked through the aches, pains, twinges, stings, and accidents as a results of sneezes. I prepared a baby ‘corner’ (we didn’t have room for a nursery), bought tiny clothes, loads of diapers, and the cutest diaper bag I could afford.

I dreamed of the moment I’d hold my sweet bundle.

I. WAS. READY

NOT!!

Reading all the books, taking the classes, talking to the right people, setting up the room, - all of those certainly gave me tools and skills that came in handy once my beautiful bundle arrived, but nothing could TRULY prepare me for the physical, emotional, and mental gymnastics of having a newborn.

Indescribable joy, overwhelming and immediate love, complete and utter exhaustion, emotional uncertainty (over and over again), physical strain, heart-swelling tenderness, powerful gratitude, mental fogginess, mama guilt (over and over again)…the list goes on.

Well, it isn’t at the same MASSIVE level as having my own child, but some of the same expectations and results apply to the ‘birth’ and release months of my debut novel, The Thorn Bearer.

Let me remind you, I’d been taking the scenic route toward publication for ELEVEN years!! Plenty of time to read A LOT of writing books, attend classes, talk to the pros, push through to the end of several manuscripts, overcome a myriad of rejections, and dealt with the frustrations of writer’s block, weak characters, saggy middle plotlines, and overwriting.

I’d dreamed of this moment for years. Waiting….

I. WAS. READY.

NOT.

It’s a mixed bag of emotions…and lots of unexpected pressures.

Was there excitement? Gratitude? An overwhelming feeling of holding a dream in your hands?

Oh yes!

But there was also a great deal of other emotions too. The time crunch of marketing, the high pressure of speed writing the next novel, the continual ‘need’ to promote the book, and the insecurity of being able to write another book worth reading.

Those may sound like small, insignificant things, but they add up to physical, emotional, and mental demands for which I wasn’t quite prepared.

Now, my debut has only been ‘out’ for a little over a month so marketing is still a high priority, AND I have a deadline for the next novel on July 30^th.  Fitting it all in to a very busy ‘day’ schedule seems a little daunting, so my writing takes place at night. (Not quite at an every 2 hour feeding schedule, but some mornings it feels like it ;-)

So far – what have I learned:

1.       Use what you know: The info in all those baby books came back to help me in crucial moments. The study in writing and the patience developed on the front end of publishing helps give perspective on the back end of publishing

2.       Balance is key. I’m trying to learn how to balance my new responsibilities in with my old ones, but there is a balance. Knowing my priorities helps me set this.

3.       Ask for help. Learn how to delegate what you can. When I was a nursing mother, there were some things my husband just couldn’t do…aka NURSE the baby, but there were things he COULD do.

4.       Take naps. (Um…I never got that opportunity with a newborn, but I KNOW it’s beneficial). When you can find time to rest or take a ‘brain break’ – take it!

5.       Keep dreaming. Sometimes it can be hard to see past the fog or the stress, but underneath it all is still the wonder and beauty of the dream. The sweetness of a newborn or the wonder of a book release, both were given as gifts from God. Dreams God cultivated in our hearts. In the middle of the struggles, late-nights, insecurities, it’s important to remember the dream.

6.       Don’t sweat the small stuff. A messy house and spit-up stained clothes are small in the middle of a newborn house. Right now, as I track through my WIP, I can skim over the edits and go back to them later. I can give the kids chicken nuggets for a few days and it won’t kill them. I can leave dirty laundry for a while.

7.     Keep the Calling in Mind. Most moms planned on being moms. They dreamed about it, looked forward to it, maybe even planned for it. Inside of them, there was a special calling of motherhood, one that can be easily forgotten in the middle of the night when you've been up with a colicky baby for 2 hours. But it's there. Behind the bleary eyes and spit-up stained blouse. The heartbeat of a woman with a 'calling'.
Writing is the same way. In the middle of the mess of figuring out how to manage all the new demands on your schedule and brain, we can sometimes lose sight of the special calling of "Writer". It's still there, and remembering God's gifted us with the unique ability to make stories helps encourage our hearts, fuel our strength, and give us the ability to take another step forward.

As I said, I’m still trying to figure it out, but I’d love your thoughts. Those of you who’ve been through this, what tips would you give?

Any questions or additions to this list?

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Pepper Basham is an award-winning author who writes romance peppered with grace and humor. She’s a native of the Blue Ridge Mountains, a mom of five, a speech-language pathologist, and a lover of chocolate. She enjoys sprinkling her native Appalachian culture into her fiction whenever she can. She currently resides in the lovely mountains of Asheville, NC where she works with kids with special needs, searches for unique hats, and plots new ways to annoy her wonderful friends at her writing blog, The Writer’s Alley. She is represented by Julie Gwinn and her debut novel, The Thorn Bearer, released in April 2015. You can connect with Pepper on her website at www.pepperdbasham.com, Facebook-  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pepper-D-Basham or Twitter at https://twitter.com/pepperbasham

A Penned in Time website at http://pennedintime.wordpress.com

The Imperfect Hero by Varina Denman

Good morning! I'm pleased to welcome Varina Denman to The Writers Alley today. Varina's novel, Jaded, released last month and focuses on a under-touched topic in Christian circles - being wounded by the Church...and what to do about it? Though set in a fictional world, it portrays the very real hurts Christians can inflict on one another - but also the very real healing God brings from the brokenness.
Welcome, Varina!!

As a child, my favorite stories were Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White. Each was a magical fairy tale of a beautiful princess saved by a handsome (and seemingly perfect) Prince Charming. I would read and watch these stories repeatedly, never tiring of the predictable plot because—every time, without fail—the prince saved the damsel, and true love reigned eternal.

 

When I hit my teen years, I embraced the quest to find my own prince, and soon I married, planning to live happily ever after. Except I didn’t. Sure, my husband was a prince and we were happily married, but my life was no fairy tale. Marriage is difficult, and real men are not storybook characters.

 

It took me a while to realize I had placed my prince on a pedestal, setting him up for a fall. And it took me even longer to realize I should have placed God on that place of honor long before I went looking for a husband. I had things twisted up a bit, but God and my husband were patient while I figured it out.

 

www.pixaby.com

Now I’m writing contemporary romance, and every time I start a new book, I tend to draft my hero as a tall, dark, handsome (and seemingly perfect) prince. After all, that’s the character I fell in love with as a girl, the one I dreamed of as a young woman ... but also the one I discovered didn’t exist in real life. Anywhere.

 

So as I work my revisions and edits, I whittle and polish my hero. If he’s incredibly handsome, then I won’t allow him to be hugely successful. If he’s the CEO of a pharmaceutical company, then he may end up with a receding hair line. If he always says the right thing to make the girl feel better, then he probably has trouble holding down a job. In short, I make the guy REAL.

 

This is no fun. It reminds me too much of real life when I’d rather disappear into blissful storyland. However, I resist the urge to write perfect stories with perfect characters because of my tendency to get my priorities out of alignment. If I spend eight hours a day creating a flawless man, it makes my real-life husband pale in comparison. (Even though he’s remarkable)

 

So instead, I write real men—like my real husband—and at the end of the day when I shut down the laptop, my imperfect hero reminds me that even though life is difficult and real men are flawed, it’s all right. This damsel will still be saved. Because my first love, my true Prince Charming, my savior ... is the Lord Jesus Christ.

You can learn more about Varina at her website - www.varinadenman.com

Guest interview with Gina Holmes

Gina Holmes is the founder of Novel Rocket and a PR professional. Her bestselling novels Crossing Oceans and Dry as Rain were both Christy finalists and won various literary awards. Her latest novel, Wings of Glass, released February 2013 and has earned a starred review from Library Journal, a Romantic Times Top Pick and a Southern Indie Bookseller's Okra Pick. She holds degrees in science and nursing and currently resides with her family in southern Virginia. She works too hard, laughs too loud, and longs to see others heal from their past and discover their God-given purpose. To learn more about her, visit www.ginaholmes.com.

Your 3^rd novel, Wings of Glass, has just released. Tell us a little about it.

I think this is my favorite book so far. Wings of Glass tells the story of Penny Taylor, a young wife who feels trapped and alone in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage. Besides her low self-esteem, she feels her Christian faith doesn’t allow for divorce. It’s not until she meets two women—one a southern socialite and the other a Sudanese cleaning woman—that her eyes are opened to the truth of her situation and she begins her journey to healing and redemption.

What made you take on the tough subject of domestic abuse?

As a little girl, I watched my mother being physically abused by her husband and then later, two of my sisters enter abusive relationship after abusive relationship and I thought that would never be me. . . until the day my boyfriend hit me for the first time and I began to make excuses for him. I know the mindset of someone who gets into and stays in an abusive relationship, because I’ve been there myself. It’s taken me years, and a lot of reading, praying, and talking to get to the heart of what brought me and kept me in toxic relationships and I want to pass on some of what I learned that helped me find boundaries and recovery from a codependent mindset and most of all healing.

What do you hope readers take away from this book?

It’s my hope and prayer that those who are in abusive relationships will begin to see that the problem lies with them as much as with the abuser. That’s something I railed against when friends suggested it. I wasn’t the one with the problem! I was no doormat who enabled abuse or addiction… or was I?

I also hope that those who have never understood the mindset of victims would better comprehend the intricacies of codependency and be better able to minister to these women and men. And of course I’d love it if young women would read this before they ever enter their first romantic relationship to have their eyes open to how abuse almost always progresses and be able to see the red flags early.

Which of the characters in the novel is most like you and why?

Each of the characters has a little of me in them or vice versa. I think years ago I was more like Penny, though tougher in many regards, at least I thought so. I’d like to think now I’m a little more Callie Mae. Because I’ve lived through what I have and have found healing, I can see in others the path that will lead to healing and the one that will lead to destruction. The difficult part once you’ve found healing is remembering that you can’t do it for others. You can offer advice, but you can’t make anyone take it. Each person has to learn in their own time, in their own way.

Who is your favorite character?

I absolutely love Fatimah. She had such a great sense of humor and didn’t care what anyone thought except those who really mattered. She was really quite self-actualized. She was so much fun to write and I actually find myself missing her presence.

What’s your favorite and least favorite part about being a writer?

Favorite: making my own schedule. I love when I’m feeling bad one day knowing that I don’t have to punch a clock. I can just take the day off and then work harder the next. Of course, there’s a lot of other things I love about writing, like allowing others to consider another point of view that may be far different from their own.

Least favorite: There’s a joke that when you work for yourself you at least get to pick which eighteen hours of the day you want. That’s true. Working from home means I’m always at work. I work from about 7:30 am until about eight at night most days. Under deadline, it’s worse. Truly understanding how much the success of a book rides on the shoulders of the author is a blessing and a curse. Because I get that no one is more invested in the success of my books than me, I put in a LOT of time on the publicity/marketing end of things. It’s tiring but an investment that I think pays off in the long run.

You had written four novels before your debut, Crossing Oceans was published. Do you think those books will ever get dusted off and reworked?

Never say never, but I doubt it. I had considered reworking some but having gone back and re-read them, I realized they weren’t published for good reason. They just didn’t work. Now, there is one story I’m resurrecting characters from for a story I should be writing next, but the plotline is completely different. I started out writing suspensel but as my reading tastes changed, so did my writing tastes. I don’t see myself doing suspense again any time soon.

You’re known for your quirky characters, what inspires you to write these types into each book?

Honestly, I’m a pretty quirky person. The older I get, the more I embrace those quirks. I think everyone is quirky really. As a student of human nature, I pick up on those and like to exaggerate them in my fiction. I also like to surround myself with quirky people. My husband is quirky, my kids are quirky and so are my friends. Often in life, especially when we’re young, we hate about ourselves what makes us different, when really those are the things we should be embracing. Different is interesting. Different is beautiful.

If you could write anything and genre, marketing and reader expectations didn’t matter, what would you write?

Speaking of quirky… I read a book a few years back that was so different that it made me want to try something like that. The book was a big-time bestseller, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell. What turned me on about that book were the characters. They were quirky to an extreme. In contemporary women’s fiction, I can get away with a certain amount of quirk. but I’m always having to play it down because it’s so over the top. In a fantasy, you can be as over the top as you dare. I’d love to play around with something like that one day and just let my freak flag fly! Will I? Probably not unless I use a penname. I realize readers have certain expectations and I wouldn’t want anyone to feel mislead. We’ll see. There’s lots in life I want to do but since I only get a hundred or so years (if I’m lucky), time won’t allow for every rabbit hole.

What advice would you have for writers hoping to follow in your footsteps?

My advice would be not to follow too closely in anyone’s footsteps. Yes, there is a certain path all writers find themselves on. There are certain things that we must all do like learning to write well, figuring out platform, going to writers conferences to meet the gatekeepers and figure out the way things have to be formatted and submitted and all that sort of thing. But it’s okay to veer off the path too and forge your own. There are those who have self-published who have found great success.

There are those who have written about subjects that they were told no one wanted to read about and found success. It’s smart to figure out what others have done before you to make them successful, but alter the formula to suit your needs and passions. It’s okay to be different, in fact, I think great success and maybe even happiness depends upon it. And by all means, read Novel Rocket.com and leave comments. It helps not only encourage those authors who have taken the time out of their day to teach us, but it also connects you to the writing community. Community is important. 

From the best-selling author of Crossing Oceans comes a heartrending yet uplifting story of friendship and redemption. On the cusp of adulthood, eighteen-year-old Penny Carson is swept off her feet by a handsome farmhand with a confident swagger. Though Trent Taylor seems like Prince Charming and offers an escape from her one-stop-sign town, Penny's happily-ever-after lasts no longer than their breakneck courtship. Before the ink even dries on their marriage certificate, he hits her for the first time. It isn't the last, yet the bruises that can't be seen are the most painful of all.

When Trent is injured in a welding accident and his paycheck stops, he has no choice but to finally allow Penny to take a job cleaning houses. Here she meets two women from very different worlds who will teach her to live and laugh again, and lend her their backbones just long enough for her to find her own.