Dialogue That Speaks to Me

Being a purebred Southern girl, talking has never been a difficulty– however writing about ‘talking’ can be tricky. Writer’s Digest has some great books on dialogue, namely Dialogue by Lewis Turco and Dialogue – Techniques and exercises for crafting effective dialogue by Gloria Kempton. The latter book is helpful in giving various exercises at the end of each chapter to support the info one just finished reading.

Dialogue serves several different purposes:
1. Characterization
2. Moves the story along
3. Creates Tension
4. Sets a mood

As far as Characterization is concerned, Jane Austen was genius.

If you’ve ever read any of her writing, you’ll discover that dialogue was as much a part of the character as his/her thoughts. Jane wasn’t prone to describing physical features of her characters, except maybe some ‘fine eyes’ here and ‘handsome features’ there, but she took the meat of the character and allowed the reader to figure him/her out.

For example, in Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Collins is known for rattling on about various things, basically just to hear himself talk. The reader quickly realizes Mr. Collins is a pompous, self-important man…just from his letter. Wow!

On the other hand, Darcy and Elizabeth give short, witty replies – and we end of liking them. It reveals characteristics of the one speaking and the ones responding to it. Within the first few pages of Pride and Prejudice, readers have a ‘handle’ on about six different characters mainly through…dialogue. Dialogue moves the story along, especially if you feel your getting ‘saggy’ in the middle. It should ALWAYS add to the story, never ending up as a bunch of empty words, and it also can cover lots of information in a short amount of time.

Obviously, dialogue can create tension.

Here’s a scene from Julie Lessman’s novel A Passion Denied.

“How dare you, John Brady? I have no choice! My heart is breaking because of you, and if it takes Tom Weston to get over you, then so be it.”
He jumped up. “Beth, forgive me, please, and don’t cry. We can pray about this-“

Disbelief paralyzed her for a painful second.
“No! You leave me be. I don’t want any more of your prayers-“
His hand gripped her. “Beth, please, sit with me? Can’t we just talk and work this out?”

Whew…and I didn’t even add any of Julie Lessman’s ‘oh-so-famous’ lip action

This is only a short example, but poignant – it shows the speed dialogue adds to a manuscript. Here’s Meant to Be Mine by Becky Wade:

another example from
"I know its a shock to hear from me. I'm sorry about that. I could call back later."
"No." Goodness, she didn't want that.
"All right, he answered. "So. Lunch?"
"No. I have nothing to say to you."
"Maybe not, but I have several things I'd like to say to you."
"Look..." She pressed her teeth into her bottom lip. "If you've come because you want a divorce, you should have saved yourself the trip."

Whoa MAMA! Makes you want to read more, right? We don't even need to characters names in that scene to know there's some trouble brewing :-)

 Dialogue can be set up to create fear in thrillers, sizzle in romances, and build subtle (or overt) comedy! It also tells you so much about the characters without info dumping.

Below is an example of how dialogue can set a mood.
Jane Austen Ruined My Life by Beth Pattillo (Although Mr. Darcy Ruined My Life is my favorite in this series)
(Emma is the POV character and her former best friend in the scene is Adam)

I thought I'd cried all my tears there were to cry in the months since I'd moved out of the home I'd shared with Edward. Clearly, I was wrong.
"I'm sorry," I said, my words muffled by the pillow.
"It's okay. It'll be okay." Adam rubbed his hand between by shoulder blades. I turned my head so that I could see him.
"I'm lying on a borrowed sofa, with no money to speak of, in one of the most expensive cities in the world, and I've just seen my former best friend in a towel. How in the world is that going to turn out okay?"
He really did have the nicest smile. His eyes lit with laughter.
"Well, number one, at least you have a sofa to collapse on, like a heroine out of some romance novel."
"True." I sniffed.
"Two, I'm something of an expert at living in London on the cheap. I'll show you the ropes. How does that sound?"
"Okay, I guess." I waited for him to address my third complaint. Now, though, he was the one suddenly looking uncomfortable.
"Maybe we could forget about the third thing."


If a few sentences can set moods, just imagine what an entire scene of dialogue can do.

Talk isn’t cheap, btw. It takes time to craft good dialogue, but it’s worth it. Just remember to ask these questions.
1. What does this say about my characters without ‘saying’ it outloud?
2. Does this dialogue move my story along or is it just a filler phrase?
3. Is there some sort of energy in the dialogue, whether good or bad, to keep me interested in what the characters are saying?
4. Does this dialogue set the sort of mood I want to present?

There are many more tips to writing dialogue, but these are a few to help build a memorable scene.

What do you enjoy about good dialogue? What does it communicate to you?

Setting the Mood With Your First Lines - Part TWO

Hi all. Pepper here and I’m talking about first lines and genres again today because….

I get to brag about some of our Alley Pals and their work.

Two weeks ago I posted about first lines and genres using some of our very own AlleyCats’ work as fodder. Today, it’s time to show off more talent from a few of our subscribers.

If you remember from my last post, first lines ‘set the stage’ for the rest of your novel. By the end of the first page, even the first paragraph, a readers should know what sort of book their getting themselves into J

Your first few lines are your biggest hooks and can even be a tool for some of your very first foreshadowing. Let's look at a few examples from published authors.

I love Julie Lessman’s books and she has a FABULOUS first line in her debut (award winning) novel, A Passion Most Pure.

Boston, Massachusetts, late summer, 1916

Sisters are overrated, she decided. Not all of them, of course, only the beautiful ones who never let you forget it.

What do we know about this novel already?

1.       It’s historical (and because we know it’s Julie Lessman we KNOW romance is burning at the seams of the novel)

2.       There’s going to be a bit of dry humor in it just from the first lines

3.       Sibling rivalry is inevitable (and that’s an example of some foreshadowing in the VERY first line) isn’t that GREAT!

We’re already setup for the story.

Or what about Beth Pattillo’s wonderful Jane Austen rewrites. Here’s the first few sentences from Mr. Darcy Ruined My Life.

I pulled the well-worn copy of Pride and Prejudice from my tote bag and stowed the bag under the seat in front of me. Last time I flew to England, I’d been in first class with Edward, my ex. First class, where they insist that you accept hot towels and champagne along with extra blankets and pillows. Now I was in coach with my knees pressed up against the seat in front of me and the Battery Kind of Seattle at my left elbow. As it turned out, the only thing worse than having the man snore was having him wake up and start talking to me again.

What do we know?
1.       It’s contemporary

2.       There’s some sarcasm going on here too

3.       Heartbreak in the past and a trip to England in the present. Romance is DEFINITELY in the future.

Fabulous, the expectation has been set and the novel WILL deliver.

Speaking of Jane Austen – how did the classic novelist do it?

Pride and Prejudice’s well-loved beginning is this: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of someone or other of their daughters.

What do we know?

1.       Contemporary for Austen’s time – historical for ours.

2.       Romance? Well, if she’s chatting about husbands and wives within the first line, it’s a good sign.

3.       Witty humor? You betcha!

So now it’s your turn. Let’s look at a few NEW lines from friends of the Alley and see if we can draw conclusions about genre and ‘feel’ based on those.

From Joanne Sher:

Thirteen years old. An adult in Hebrew society.

But Michal's actions showed the opposite. She was remarkably helpless. Remarkably stubborn. Remarkably spoiled. Ashia's job was not, it seemed, to serve a young lady, but a toddler in a woman's body. And today promised to be full of tantrums.

Ooo, great start. So what can we guess from this?

1.      Biblical fiction.

2.      A little more serious, but a definite hook of interest.

3.      How will Michal change? And what will this tantrum look like? Curiosity forces me to want to read the next paragraph.

Julie Hilton Steele sent this one in:

“The key works best if you turn it.” Anna Newman froze at the sound of the deep, warm voice cascading down from somewhere behind her”

1.       I have an inside scoop to this. She’s probably begin the chapter with a ‘hint’ of a date, which would be some time during WWII. So it’s a historical piece.

2.       It certainly has a flare of mystery within the first two lines.

3.       Why is she using a key? Who is coming up behind her? Inquiring minds want to know. Good sign.

 From the computer of Mary Curry (and she tells us a lot with only ONE sentence)

There was nothing like a week-long vacation to make you need a month off.

1.       Most likely contemporary from the references
2.       A hint of humor (and a whole lot of truth J

3.       What kind of vacation would make the main character respond this way?

How about this one by Mary:

Mental illness ran in my mother’s family, or so my dad always claimed. You can see why I didn’t really think I could go to him for help when the visions started.

Hmm…. What can we guess?

1.     Contemporary
2.     Hint at spec fiction or fantasy with the whole ‘visions’ idea
3.     What sort of visions?

Carol Moncado sent in this one.

She was wearing an eye patch.
At church.
On Easter.

What do we know?

1.      Most likely contemporary

2.      Humor…without a doubt

3.      How on earth did she get an eyepatch? Curiosity pushes us to read more!

How about something a little 'different'? :-)
Ben Erlichman, 2011 Genesis Finalist and NEW DAD, sent this one:

Blood oozed from a bullet hole in Tommy Roebuck's chest, saturating the dust under his body.

AND yet another one:

Hunger drove Raven Worth to the big tent revival that night, but it wasn't what made him stay. Usually in such a public gathering he'd have lurked just beyond the edge of the crowd to scan the fringes for stragglers. In other settings he'd often harvest the ones who looked the most destitute or lonely. He could relate to them. He knew their pain.

(Isn't that a great protagonist's name...love it)

1. Contemporary
2. Darker flare, maybe murder mystery or thriller
3. Okay - so who shot Tommy Roebuck and who is this dark and creepy 'lurker' named Raven Worth?

How do you set the stage?

It’s Alley Pals show off day so bring your first few lines and let us guess. Are you setting up the reader in the way you want? Does the genre match what we guess?

Some are going to be harder to guess than others, but let’s give it a try.
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Pepper Basham is a Blue Ridge Mountains’ native, mom of five, pastor’s wife, and university instructor. She writes in various fictional genres but spices them all with grace and humor. She can be found at The Writers Alley, www.pepperbasham.wordpress.com, or in her imaginary world. Company always welcome.