Fitting In and Standing Out

As I think on my fifth conference experience in Nashville last weekend, I can’t help but shuffle these concepts around in my mind. Such a strange dichotomy of two parts of the acceptance we all crave. Seemingly opposite sides of the same cosmic coin we always want secure in our pocket like an ace to be played when the cards turn and the social games begin.

Life is not a popularity contest by any stretch, but even though torturous memories of high school have long since faded in the rear view mirror, some part of that girl resurrects in a crowded room, hoping for better luck with a combination of the two this time around.

I’m an extrovert. I love being surrounded by people. Their stories unfolding before my eyes. Will the fleeting touch of our separate lives make an impact or will we simply part ways without making waves? It’s fascinating. The social equation is always in flux and variable x is as finicky my a five-year-old.

No two people have the same dynamic as another pair or group. That is precisely why relationships can be so tricky. But I can’t help but compare that to a writer’s relationship with a reader. As an author, my words form bonds with those who open the page on that connection. It can be next to impossible to know if we click in some elemental way. If I stirred the waters or failed to make a ripple?

Did I fit in to their expectation? Fall short? Exceed? 

That all sounds very needy, but it is at the heart of why writers write. Sure, a part of it stems from our need to create. But a much bigger part comes from having something to say, longing to be heard, and wanting to impart something that lingers long after The End.

It’s a tricky business, fitting in. You might blend into the crowd if you fit in too much, becoming relegated to those never-ending slush piles of stories you would tell differently (and awesomely) if anyone ever took the time to read them. But in the same yet opposite way, you can also become a risk when you stand out too much. If you don’t fit one of any number of molds people don’t quite know where to put you, so they end up leaving you behind to lurk in the lobby. No publishing power team, no clique, no white knight. Instead you find yourself peeking into everyone else’s seemingly effortless, well-balanced success from the shadows. An outcast. Or a rebel. Someone too ordinary to be noticed or too extraordinary to know what to do with.

Where is that sweet spot? And when do you really get to be yourself and be accepted for just who you are?

I wish I knew the answer. I wish there was some formula I had applied with success so I could impart wisdom instead of simple musings of another lobby lurker.

But the thing I know for certain is that you were meant to tell stories no one else can tell. The power of your voice and your testimony shines through if you have the courage to just keep speaking.

Sometimes in order to stand out you simply can’t fit in. Maybe you weren’t meant to.

Maybe you’re the next J.K. Rowling, refusing to be silenced until someone finally hears you. Millions of someones. Or maybe you’re you, speaking for just one person that might only ever be yourself.

The only sure way to fall into social exile is to take yourself out of the game and exile yourself. It’s not a race. And it’s not a contest. Sometimes we’re just trying too hard to fit in, when in fact we were born to stand out.

Have you ever struggled to fit in, or do you fit in too well? And can you pinpoint what it is about your writing that makes you unique and what makes you ordinary? Sometimes that knowledge is power. And sometimes that power can be used to help you find the right social circle where you both fit and shine. That is where your audience awaits. 

Talk to me … <3

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Amy Leigh Simpson writes romantic mysteries with honesty and humor, sweetness and spice, and gritty reality covered by grace. When she’s not stealing moments at naptime to squeeze out a few more adventures in storyland, she’s chasing around two tow-headed miscreants (Ahem)—boys, playing dress up with one sweet princess baby, and being the very blessed wife to the coolest, most swoon-worthy man alive. Amy is a Midwestern-girl, a singer, blogger, runner, coffee-addict, and foodie. Her Sports Medicine degree is wasted patching up daily boo boo’s, but whatever is left usually finds its way onto the page with fluttering hearts, blood and guts, and scars that lead to happily ever after.

Check out her NEW romantic mystery novel FROM WINTER'S ASHES! Available NOW!