The Danger of "I'll Never _____ "

Never is a strong word.... about as strong if not equal to its friend, Forever.

When I was a teen in the youth group at church, one speaker once said, "Don't tell God you'll never do something, because chances are, he'll ask you to do it."

Secret: I was deathly afraid God would call me to be a missionary to a 3rd world country. Now, don't judge. The biggest reason for my fear was FOOD. I was a horribly picky eater, to the point that I'd throw up if something hit my stomach wrong. And the stories of what those people had to eat....

So.... from them on, I told God I would be SO VERY HAPPY if He called me to be a missionary to one of those places with no bathrooms or showers and where you had to eat bugs for dinner. BRING. IT. ON.

Well, for those who know me, you probably know that God never called me to that. I have no dillusions though that my fake happy entreaty to God did the trick. I'm fairly certain God rolled his eyes and was like, "Crazy girl, you just wait to see what I REALLY have in store for you."

While my motives weren't pure in that case, the experience did teach me a valuable lesson, one about the word "NEVER."

Pretty much... Never say Never.

As writers, self doubt is sure to come in at times. And that yucky word will rear its ugly head in our brains.

"I'll never get an agent."

"I'll never be published."

"I'll never be a best seller."

"I'll never get this stupid book ending right!"

"I'll never get enough blog viewers to have any size platform that publishers won't laugh at."

These words do NO good to use, except weaken our resolve. Our efforts are often in direct relation to our expecations. If we expect to fail, chances are, we probably win. If we expect to do our best and leave it up to God, well, I'd say that's just about right!

So I say--- abolish the "will never" and replace it with CAN!

"I CAN get an agent."
"I CAN be published"
"I CAN be a best seller"
"I CAN get this stupid book ending right!"
"I CAN get a fabulous blog following that publishers won't laugh at."

Notice... I didn't say to just delete never and keep the will.

GOD only knows the "will".

YOU can know the CAN though.

Another fun never I'm abolishing this year.

"I'll NEVER independently publish."

It was never a dream of mine. Never something I aspired to. But last year, an idea popped into my brain. God confirmed it on SO many levels, and it's shaping up to be a REALITY this year.

Am I nervous?

HECK YEAH!

Could I fail?

OH MY GOODNESS yes.

WILL I fail?

Only God knows.

But CAN I do it?

YES, YES, YES! I can.

Discussion: What about you? Do you struggle with the evil never? How do you change your vocabulary?

Where is YOUR focus?

God's been dealing with me a lot lately on the issue of self-confidence.

After wrestling with Him about it for a few weeks, I posted a deeply personal blog on my own site that talked about my struggle from an early age with self-image and confidence issues.

My struggle, which I think many of us have to varying degrees, has a ripple effect over to my writing.

Am I good enough?
Does my writing really stink and everyone is just lying to me so I don't feel bad?
Will people like my book?
What if I don't sell enough? Does that make me a failure?
OHMAGOODNESS what if people write horrible reviews and HATE it?

And in another super honest confession... part of me feared greatly that people would "buy" my book, or "pretend" to like it only because I'd just gone through a terrible ordeal with my daughter's health that I dealt with very publicly, that it'd be for pity only.

Stupid, huh.

When we write a book, it's different than other "business" deals. Our writing is very personal and comes from a place deep inside us. Or at least, it is that way for me. So putting it out there for rejection or acceptance is a scary thing.

But BOTTOM LINE:

IT'S NOT ABOUT US!!

YES, some people will hate our books and trash them on Goodreads.
YES, some people will hate our books and trash them on blogs.
YES, our sales might totally flop and make us look completely inept.

All those things are totally possible (and honestly, probable.)

But God has a purpose for ALL things. And for me, my #1 purpose for my LIFE is to glorify Jesus. Everything else, my marriage, my writing, my children, my job, all falls under that. I want everything I do to be with the motive of glorifying the God who made me.

And that includes my writing.

I need to stop stressing about sales and start focusing on story. God gave me stories to tell, and EFFECTIVE marketing will happen when I focus not on "how many books can I sell" but on "How can I get my book into the hands of those God wants it to be in."

See that focus shift?

It's an important one.

One I feel like I failed MISERABLY with in my first go-around at this whole publishing thing.

I'm a numbers girl. It's how my mind works. But maybe I can start thinking about "number of lives touched" vs. "number of books sold" hmm?

And then there is that darn Amazon ranking I was addicted to for the first six months... I kinda just wish they'd take it away so I would stop obsessing over it!

Bottom line: Our writing isn't about us. To have a truly fulfilling publishing experience, I highly suggest you turn your eyes toward Jesus. Follow HIM, not the just trends. Follow HIM, not just the numbers.

Discussion: Am I the only one that struggles with self-confidence issues over books?? If you've got a grip on it, share some of your secrets!!

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Krista is a follower of Jesus, a wife, a mother, and author of Sandwich, With a Side of Romance. She blogs about finding JOY in the journey of LIFE at http://www.kristaphillips.com. She is represented by the fab agent, Rachelle Gardner.