#TipfulTuesday The Issues With Head Hopping

Last month, I read ten books, all published in 2018. That is a lot for me. Of the ten books, eight had more than one moment with head hopping. It’s an easy mistake to make. Anyone can do it. Perhaps this reminder will help all of us to weed out these moments.

What is head hopping? Head hopping is when a scene's point of view character sees, hears, feels, or knows the thoughts of another character in an unlikely way. 

For example: A scene is in Jane’s point of view. Jane is speaking with John Dear on the phone. The conversation ends. The call is disconnected. The scene continues with John throwing his phone on the floor and grumbling. He picks up Jane’s photo and … His actions or thoughts continue for a line or two before the scene returns to Jane’s point of view. 

Jane did not witness what John Dear did after the call ended, therefore, those aspects could not be in her scene. An author can begin a new scene or chapter with John’s point of view and include this information. OR. Jane can learn about John’s actions in some other way: a security camera, a bug in the room, another person reporting, etc. 

BUT his thoughts are his thoughts. She can’t possibly know them unless he tells her.

Writing in the omniscient point of view will not fix this problem. We tend to pick one character or another to tell a scene in today’s stories. That is the point of view. Also, I believe the omniscient point of view is taboo today. Stay tuned. It may come back.

I had an instructor who once told me to picture a camera with voice recognition in the eyes of the point of view character figuratively. Jane may see John Dear fall on the ice and cut his hand. She may hear him scream in pain, (or not), she may know what a gash on the hand feels like, and she can witness his body language. However, she does not know that inside his head he feels like a bumbling fool. That he screamed not from the pain but because he ripped his new pants. Etc. The scene can, therefore, include what Jane thinks John Dear is experiencing, but not what is in his head. Because….yep…that is head hopping.

When you edit your story, watch for head hopping. Words like: must, seem, etc., allow us to write things like, "John must really be hurting.”

Since I don’t know what you are thinking, I shall sign off with: May all your characters think only their thoughts. 

~Mary Vee

Next week I will be attending the Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writer's Conference. My book, Daring to Live is one of the finalists. Please join all of us as we cheer on the Selah winners that Wednesday night.

Photo by Mary Vee- a few friends down the road from me
Link to Mary's books: https://amzn.to/2Fq4Jbm

Mary Vee -Rock climbing, white-water rafting, and hiking top Mary’s list of ways to enjoy a day. She was homeless for a time, was a teacher, a missionary, and married an Air Force vet. Mary has been a finalist in several writing contests and writes for her King.

Visit Mary at her Website, Blog, and her ministry blog to families: God Loves Kids. Or chat on Facebook or Twitter

Talking Heads In Your Novel Writing

Photo by geralt @ pixabay

In the beginning of my writing journey, I was overcome by an invasion - an invasion of the Talking Heads. I was blindsided by these creatures, because I didn't know any better. These Talking Heads took over my manuscript until I learned how to creatively combat them.

Talking Heads occurs when two characters converse together without any action, description, setting, or mood. It's just two people talking back and forth, confusing the reader as to who is who, and therefore losing the flow of the story.

So how do we get rid of these pesky buggers? 

Action Tags: Break up the dialogue with action from the character. Have a character cook, open the refrigerator, get a drink, pick up toys off the floor, etc. Simple things that a character can do will help identify them and give the reader a sense of placement in the scene.

Descriptive Setting: Add a touch of descriptive setting into an action tag. Have the character pick at the folds of the red checkered tablecloth; or plop into a worn, threadbare recliner; or step over a huge mound of dirty laundry. These give the reader hints into the life of the character and anchors them into the scene.

Inner thoughts: Get into deep POV and express the thoughts of your character. Have your character say one thing, yet think the total opposite. Or let the character think through a problem he/she is arguing about with the other character.

Body Language: This may be one of my favorite things to combat Talking Heads. Using the character's body to give a sense of their feelings helps to identify them in the scene. Have your character roll their eyes, heave a sigh, slam a door, or run their hands through their hair. These convey (show) feelings instead of "telling" them to the reader.

What else can you add to the list of defense against the Talking Heads?

*****************************************************************************

This post is brought to you by

 Sherrinda Ketchersid

Sherrinda is wife to "Pastor John" and mother to three giant sons and one gorgeous daughter. A born and bred Texan, she writes historical romance filled with fun, faith, and forever love.

H-Heeeeelp! CPR! ASAP! Something! I Just Head Hopped!

Head. Hopping.

I bet you hear those words more times than you care to admit. But before I head into a verbose description of why you don’t want to have it anywhere near your writing, let me make sure you all understand it and why it is a no-no. Let me see a show of hands. Yes, yes and oh dear, I see one of you poor newbies shaking your head in confusion. Head hopping? Are you crazy? How can you stand on someone’s head and leap from one to the other?


No, no, no, that isn’t what I am talking about. Though at times it would seem easier than trying to avoid it in your writing.

Head hopping is basically this: Leaving a character’s private and intimate thoughts to leap into another character’s emotions without warning to the reader.

Need another explanation. Sigh. I will try to write something….

Mary gazed out the bus window. The clouds fluffy blue against an azure sky. Jane across the aisle thought the same thing.

Poor I know, but that is what is. We were in Mary’s head at the beginning, we were seeing the sky through her point of view. But before the paragraph ended, we were inside Jane’s head. If we are inside Mary’s head, we can not see the sky the way Jane would.

Get it now?

Okay, let’s move on.

Sad to say, there are still authors out there- published even- that wish to add head hoping into their fiction. So you might be thinking that you can do it too right? Wrong.

Untried authors have a very little wiggle room for errors and one of the first things an editor will look for is if you are consistent with your POV (point of view). And if you are clear about whose head you are in, it will help separate your manuscript from the slush pile.

Head hoping is usually easy to fix and easy to spot. In most cases. But to make the change from one character’s head to another, put a space, an asterisk, or a symbol of some kind that is consistent through the whole of your book to separate one character’s thoughts and emotions from another.

One way I have heard staying true to one character’s POV is to literally get inside their skin. If you were this person, what would you be thinking? Unless your character is a mind reader, they should not know the thoughts of the character they are chatting with. They can interrupt what they think the other character is thinking, but it might not necessarily be accurate. That can lead to a great deal of angst, but that is for another week.

But there is another weasel that will infiltrate your fiction and is often the hardest to find. Below is an example and see if you can find the mistake.

Mary reached out to caress the soft rose petal, its velvet smoothness gliding between her fingers like silk. Jon's warm breath caressed her neck and she shivered, her heart thumping in her ears. Would he kiss her again? She squeezed her hands together and took a deep breath. Jon reached out a hand, hungry to feel the smoothness of her bare arm under his palm. The sleeveless blouse hugged her frame and he took a step closer. Mary spun and stared into his eyes, their deep pools, drowning her. She gulped.

Did you catch it? I went from Mary to Jon to back to Mary again. And that right there drives me c-r-a-z-y in fiction. It will turn me off a book faster than anything else. So make sure you watch for those moments and keep to one POV. If you want to get two in a scene, then describe in one POV and then make a space and do another POV. It is all about pacing and your reader will not mind back tracking to understand both character's thoughts.

Head hoping can sneak in other places too, places that weasel in the middle of the night to consume your work like a cancer.

Okay, maybe I don’t need to be so dramatic, but it can overflow your manuscript with red marks from the editor’s harsh pen. Keeping yourself firmly within your character’s head will clear up all problems. If you ever have a POV question, stop, and close your eyes. Think, “If I were this person, would I be thinking this? Would I know his thought? Would I know why he just crossed his arms?

And the answer to all of those questions is no.

When it comes right down to it, head hopping is a fairly easy mistake to clear up, but a common one to make.

While the popular and tried authors might be able to get away with it, it is really a lazy form of writing and should be nipped in the bud. Who knows, maybe that is what is standing between you and publication.