Don’t Leave Your Reader Behind: How to Tackle Internal Transitions (plus a giveaway!)

Casey here: Rachelle Rea has one of those smiles that is absolutely contagious. Someday I hope to meet this girl in person, because I think we'd jabber for hours ever after. ;-) Rachelle is here to share a couple great editing tips, so get that red pen ready to make some changes! Speaking of editing...how would you like to have 50 pages of your work given an edit after the craze of NaNoWriMo has passed? Rachelle is offering one fortunate winner the chance to have her editing services over 50 of your pages. Leave a comment below for a chance to win! :-)

Have you ever been reading a scene in a novel where the conversation centers on the main character’s boyfriend’s puppy—and suddenly someone mentions they

Photo credit

saw Grandma at the grocery store yesterday?

Have you ever been watching a movie in which the music is slow, the dim light depressing, the look on the lonesome man’s face is heartbreaking—and suddenly a chimney sweep steps up and asks him where he bought his shoes?

Have you ever been listening to a song where the tempo is upbeat, the lyrics simple—and then suddenly the singer starts crooning his lines in French?

What?All of these situations caused you to raise your eyebrows, tilt your head, or wonder where I’m going with this, right?J

That’s because these situations lack fluidity, rhythm, a clear segue from puppies to Grandma, loneliness to shoes, a catchy beat to French.

This is one of the most common problems I encounter as an editor.I’ve worked with playwrights and poets, novelists and new authors, and even writers whose first languages aren’t English. A problem common to all is the continuity break—most often, this problem occurs internally in deep POV (rather than aloud as in my examples).

I’ll be trotting through a scene in which the Queen survives an assassination attempt and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, the main character’s thoughts veer to what she plans to do Saturday morning.Huh?

This transition makes perfect sense to the author, and it should make perfect sense to readers. There can absolutely be relevance between a foiled assassination and Saturday morning to-do lists. But that relevance must be made clear to readers. Or else they’ll feel left behind.

Here are two ways to tackle transitional thinking:

·         Transitional Words and Phrases

The easiest way to ensure a solid flow of thought while in deep POV is to use tried-and-true transitions. Remember those papers you wrote for your high school English class? How did you jump from paragraph to paragraph (or even from point to point within paragraphs)?

Easy.You didn’t. No jumping allowed. You transitioned instead. You plopped in a Furthermore, a However, an In fact, Nevertheless, or In contrast.

These fun little words and phrases will not only alert your readers that a segue is being made between thoughts, they’ll hint at what kind—if you use furthermore, they’ll expect a type of continuation; if you use however or in contrast, they’ll look for the difference between what’s been said and the contrary thought the character is entertaining.

·         Transitional Thoughts

Let’s say our hero and heroine are elbow-deep in dirty dishes after he’s cooked her dinner (because he’s cool like that). She asks him how work went today. He explains how the guy in the next office spilled his coffee on his shirt, fell out of his chair, and in the process accidentally tripped the fire alarm. He glances at her, expecting a laugh. She pats him on the arm instead. His reaction: Wha…?

He’s definitely confused. But what if we’re in her POV? We’ve gotten short, silent reactions to his story, only they’re not the reactions our hero is hoping for. She’s concerned about the third-degree burns our hero’s coworker may have received and is calculating how much inconvenience her man suffered as a result of the impromptu fire drill. So she gives him a sympathetic look and pats him on the arm with a sudsy hand.

He may be stunned, but because of the snippets of her thought process, readers understand her reaction—and laugh at the confused look on his face.

Those snippets of her thoughts smooth the connection between the story he’s relaying and how she’s hearing it.

So there you have it. Two tips that will work every time there’s a break in continuity, flow, or rhythm in your writing.

Any questions? …Oh, yes, you can absolutely use both methods at the same time.

…How much is too much? Well, a little does go a long way (you never want the transitional method(s) to weigh more than the thoughts on either side), but sometimes you need to apply transitions more liberally—such as when the transition is as out-there as the main character’s boyfriend’s puppy and someone seeing Grandma at the grocery store.

Rachelle Rea believes the power of story can transform, so she studies story as a senior at university this year and lives story in her little town in the South where the air is slightly salty. Find out more about Rachelle's writing, editing, and favorite word at www.RachelleRea.com.