On Being a Timothy with Carol Moncado

On Being a Timothy

Jason

This is a blog post that's been floating around my head - rather nebulously - for quite some time. I'd planned to put it on my personal blog, but when Pepper approached me about guest blogging here on the Writer's Alley, I said yes and, well, then, I sorta freaked out. What on God's green earth could I possibly have to contribute to a group such as this? And then in the weekly preview post, Casey said I was "always fun". I don't know that this post truly qualifies as fun, but I will include this picture of my friend Jason, because it'll make all y'all smile even if you don't know him.

Because this is the look he gave me when I asked him about this topic when our families had lunch on Sunday. The topic? Being a Timothy. I asked if he'd ever preached on it (he's currently a youth pastor) and he hasn't, but he talks about it all. the. time. (as attested to by my husband) That's not to say we talked about it much that day, but at least there's a pic to make us all smile ;).

So who's Timothy?

Alley Cat Casey Herringshaw with the fabulous Julie Lessman; Me then Pepper with Ruth Logan Herne; Casey with Tina Russo Radcliffe

Being a Timothy? Who's Timothy? The guy in the Bible. He's got two books named for him, you know.* But those aren't just books. They're letters, written to Timothy by Paul. Surely you've heard of Paul. Paul-the-apostle-formerly-known-as-Saul-the-killer-and-persecutor-of-Christians**

See, Paul is Timothy's mentor. That makes Timothy the mentee (but not, however, the Mento) or disciple. Paul was put in Timothy's life to teach him. To train him. So that one day Timothy could train others. So Timothy could become Paul.*** One day, Timothy would become the mentor and train others. Okay so. Paul. Timothy. They've got a good relationship going on. Paul is sharing his wisdom, the things he's learned throughout his years spreading the Gospel and communicating with God with the next generation. Timothy is soaking it all up. But then who's Barnabas?**** Barnabas is the guy who worked with Paul. His contemporary. In many ways, Paul's equal. But he is very appropriately named. Barnabas means "son of encouragement". He was the one who encouraged Paul, helped Paul, traveled the road with Paul.

Application to writers

One of my favorite Barnabases

Okay - so what does all of that have to do with you? A writer? Most of the blogs out there on being a Paul/Barnabas/Timothy seem to have to do with discipleship/ministry/etc. (see links at the end of the blog) but the theory applies across so many more areas than that. Parenting. Music. Computers.***** And writing.

At some point, all of us start out as a Timothy. We don't know much of anything about how to properly format for contests. Or which agencies you can query multiple agents and which ones you can't. Or where the best blogs are to find this stuff out. We all need a Paul (or two or three or seventeen) to help us figure that stuff out. Sometimes those relationships turn into something long term.

Sometimes it's a simple email from a favorite author saying "Check out ACFW. They rock and can help you from here." Sometimes it's for a season (for instance, just one manuscript). Pauls will read through manuscripts or parts of manuscripts or contest entries and help you figure out how to tone down the dialect or point out where you're telling when you should be showing - and maybe, just maybe, when an adverb really is the way to go. And we also need a Barnabas. Someone who's right where we are - or who has been recently. That person who is struggling through poor contest showings on that manuscript you - and they - thought was going to be the big breakthrough. Who cry with you when you accidentally kick an editor out of his/her seat at dinner (don't ask). Who convince you that hiding out in the hotel room for the next three days *isn't* the answer. Who know just what to say when you cry the following: Why am I wasting my time? And everyone else's? And the money that goes into contests and conferences and web hosting and everything else?

How it applies to YOU

Me with two of my favorite Pauls - Candy Calvert and Beth K. Vogt

We all go through seasons. Most of us spend a lot of time being a Timothy. I know I sure do (just ask Pepper). There's *lots* of times when I need hand holding or to cry on the phone to my long-lost-literary-twin (that's Pepper, btw) about how this isn't gonna happen. Or lament to Joanna that I didn't final (again) and could she please look at the score sheets for me because after that rejection from (insert major publishing house here) last week, I just don't think I can take it and may have to delete everything in my Dropbox.



Me and my Pepper - a Paul and a Barnabas (and I'd like to think sometimes I have something to help her so maybe a Timothy, too) wrapped up in one pretty package

Many of us (yeah, I mean me - someone please tell me I'm not alone!) walk around afraid that one day we're going to call one too many times. That the Paul in our lives is going to be like "Grow up and get over it" then change their number/email address/Facebook settings so we can't get to them. A lot of times, though (and this realization came to me as I wrote this blog), we're in mutual Barnabas relationships. Relationships that exist for the purposes of encouraging each other. Not really one mentoring the other. Neither is necessarily a "Paul". But that person who loves you enough to look at you and say, "Sweetie, I love you to pieces and that's why I won't let you go on American Idol.

Because you can't sing and I'd hate to see you humiliated on national television." One day you might be the Paul (because, believe it or not, if you've been doing this for any amount of time, you know SOMETHING you can use to help someone else). The next day you might be the Timothy. And another day, you're the Barnabas. All in the same relationship.

I struggle almost daily with feeling too much like a Timothy. Always taking. Never giving enough back. Always needing that extra support. Wondering when my friends are going to turn their backs. Or ignore their phones/emails because it's "that Carol again." I do what I can. Give back what I can, but maybe it's something inherent in all writers, not just me. That feeling that no matter what we do, the relationship isn't symbiotic******. That we're the parasites and our friends, the hosts, will eventually walk away.



Me with Jessica, Kristy and Joanna - three of my Pauls, Barnabases and Timothys

But I think it's time for all of us (and by that I mean me) to take a deep breath, do what we can, don't try to overwhelm our Pauls and Barnabases and trust that they love us. That we go through seasons. That our needy season will be followed by their needy season. That Paul and Barnabas, even though they eventually went separate ways, remained friends. Sometimes that happens. God brings people into our lives for seasons. To be Pauls. To be Barnabases. To be Timothys. Our goals should be the same. To become a Paul. To encourage like a Barnabas. To not be afraid to admit that, sometimes, we're a Timothy.

*Appropriately and creatively named I Timothy and II Timothy **Not his real name ***No one thinks I mean that literally, right? ****Not to be confused with Barabbas - the guy who was released so Jesus would be crucified. *****I do hope all y'all have a Paul when it comes to computers. Someone who knows more than you and is willing to help. ******A fancy word meaning mutually beneficial. But you knew that.