A Writer's Balance: How to help your family not hate your writing

Frozen Pizza for the 15th time in a month.

Chinese takeout for the 14th time in a month.
Kids/Spouse/Self wearing dirty clothes for the 4th week in a row.Moldy bread that could cure the world's deceases.A kitchen floor that looks chocolate-brown even though it's supposed to be white.

What do all these things have in common?

They are all symptoms of a writer's life out of balance. Although, for you male writers, the list might look more like: Trash overflowing, sleeping on the couch, being able to make a maze out of the front lawn, and children looking at you and asking, "Mom, what's that guys name again?"

Please don't get me wrong. I'm a big believer that writing, for most of us, is more than a hobby. It's a future second job. (I think of this pre-published time like college and then when we are agented, looking for an editor... like interviewing for jobs!)

Whereas our families are super important, we do have to make sacrifices in order to pursue our writing if we are serious. In my own family, my husband and kids understand that Mommy needs writing time. They ask me about my writing, they smile when I get off on some tangent about how my character is acting. They may not understand it, but they love and support me.

But there is a point where we go too far. Where our family turns from supporting us (or for some with less than supportive families... tolerating us) on this journey to despising the journey because of what it's doing to them.

I have to be honest. I teeter on this balance point waaayyyyyyy too often. I work full-time, have 3 kiddos and baby Annabelle on the way, and have a husband who works most every evening and Saturday. I struggle daily to know where the balance is.

But, I have found a few tips that are helpful, and thought I'd share them with you.

• Know the signs. They say the first thing to getting better is knowing there is a problem. The signs above are a little silly, but in moderation, they are good indicators. A sulking, irritable spouse, kids who are fighting too much or back talking, or taking a good look at the ol' budget and seeing how much you've spent on "out to eat" activities are good things to keep an eye on. Not to mention the size of the to-be-cleaned laundry pile.
  
• Scheduling. This one is hard for me because I don't have much time to schedule, but plot out time that is for "writing" only and let your family know it. Ask them to respect your time, but then make sure you return the favor and put writing aside when it is family time.
• Advance Warning. If you are coming up against a deadline or even a weekend you want to "marathon" to get a chunk done, let your family know ahead of time. I'm a firm believer that people can handle things better if they know about it ahead of time.
• Date Night. Not only with your spouse, but with your kids as well. Scott and I schedule "dates" with each of the kids. It's time alone with each kid separately to focus just on them. We might go see a movie, go to the mall, or go play putt-putt. Sometimes it's just going to get ice-cream and walking around Target and letting them show me the things they want for an upcoming birthday. But regardless of the activity, it's time for them to feel special, and to know that they are so much more important than work, writing, or social networking.
• Enlist Help. SHhhhhhh... don't tell anyone this, but I've come to the realization that I can't do everything. I know, earth-shattering huh! I'm NOT Super Wonder Woman, even though I like to pretend or try to be sometimes! So, delegate. It is good for kids to have a few chores. It's good for hubby to be responsible for dinner a few times a week. It won't kill them, I PROMISE!
• Be choosy. There are a ton of things we could get busy and involved in. Church ministries, children's school activities, as well as writing groups and social networking areas. Be picky about what you join or participate in. As I said above, you aren't super wonder woman. You can't do everything, even though you may want to. Prayerfully ask God what activities He wants you to be a part of, and don't let anyone guilt you into doing something that God hasn't led you to do. I'm a firm believer that writing IS a ministry ... even though some may not see it as that until we have the big "P" in front of our title. Remember, we live to please God, not man.
  

My most important tip is this:

Prioritize!

1.) God
2.) Family
3.) Writing

Although, I say God is #1, but really, He is 1, 2, 3, to infinity. I firmly believe He doesn't just hold one place in a priority list, but should be an integral factor in each and every priority, as I seek God to be Lord over my family, my writing, my relationships, my church, my hobbys, my day job, the list goes on and on.

So what about you? How is your writing/life balance lately? Any tips that have worked for you?