Get Smart, Get Short or Go Home: Creating Succinct Sentences

“Jesus wept.” John 11:45

There you have it. The Bible, with a raw and beautiful declaration. John got it. Sometimes there’s great power in a succinct sentence. It possesses a rare ability to drive home a point.

Before this Jesus wept verse we are given context, we are rooted. Jesus is saddened and moved by Mary’s reaction to Lazarus in the tomb. John didn’t describe his reaction as so:

The tears Jesus shed slid down like rain, dampening the mud caked on his sandals. He flung his hands to his face and cried a river (cry me a river, isn’t that a Justin Timberlake song?).

John didn’t give us any of that (thank you, John) because he knew the two words “Jesus wept” would not only suffice, but reach deep.

As long as we don’t overdo it and string short sentences together like popcorn Christmas tree decorations, we’ll find that a well-placed clipped sentence will make our readers snap to attention. We might even get a nod or a “Yes” from them while they read.

One of the best pieces of editing advice I’ve received has to do with this point: Get smart, get short or go home. In other words, if you have two words in a sentence that mean relatively the same thing, i.e. “Her voice was layered with hints of deception and dishonesty” cut one word. This sentence would read sharper as “Her voice was layered with hints of deception.” Bam. Done. All she wrote. Second word not needed. You might even wish to simply stick with “Her voice was layered with deception.” Kill those words off like moving ducks at a fairground game.

What about you, do you find ways to get smart and get short so you can stay out and play?
*photo from Flickr

Self-Editing Checklist: Point of View

Do you ever have too many characters talking in your head at once? It's time to take charge and make them wait their turn.

This week we're looking at Point #7 in my self-editing checklist: Point of View. (For Points 1-6, click here.)

When analyzing Point of View in your scenes, consider the following items.

a) Have you chosen the best viewpoint character for each scene? Usually this is the person with the most to lose or the most at stake.

b) Do you stay in one POV throughout the scene? Do you see only what your POV character would see? Hear only what they would hear? Notice only what they would notice? Think only what they would think?

c) Is the language in the scene right for your viewpoint character? If your POV character is a 90-year-old grandma, she probably wouldn't think, "Dude, that is one sick iPad," unless she's the hippest granny in the universe. I'm not just talking about dialogue here...This encompasses the entire scene.

d) Look at descriptions. Can you tell how your viewpoint character feels about what you're describing? Do you have them interacting with the setting and fusing that with their thoughts and actions?

e) How deep do you go in the POV? Most books being published today put us right in the character's skin and emotions, eliminating distance words like "realized", "wondered", etc. This concept also ties in with showing versus telling. For instance, instead of saying, "She wondered when he would return," you could say, "Good gravy, he was taking forever to get back." By eliminating the word "wondered" and dumping us right in the character's head, we get a feel for her personality and feel as if we are that character.

Resources: Camy Tang has some uber-helpful articles on her Story Sensei blog. Some of my points above are summaries of her material. To get more in depth, check out these articles on basic point of view and deep point of view.

And of course, the primary foundation of my self-editing checklist is always Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne & Dave King.

Your homework for the next two weeks, should you choose to accept it: For each scene you've written, write down the POV character and analyze whether they are the best character for that scene. Comb over your scenes to make sure you're staying in the POV characters' skin and thoughts, and analyze word choices to ensure they keep the POV deep while also revealing who the character is.

Which POV do you typically write in? 1st person or 3rd person? With multiple viewpoints? What are your best POV tips for our readers?

* Text bubble photo by Renjith Krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
** Grandma photo by Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Looking into the Glass

Recently I've been listening to a Mount Hermon conference recording by Mary DeMuth on "The Importance of Writing the Truth."  Mary talks about the fact that we create plastic characters because we are so afraid to be real to who we are that our characters end up resembling no human alive. So true! (I highly recommend Mary's audios, BTW).

It takes courage to be weak and to be out there on the page.

It also takes courage to face our weaknesses in our writing. We've all heard the "buzz" after contest results are published or someone gets a harsh critique.  And if we're honest I think maybe most of us have been there.  Believing that the critic is wrong, harsh, must have been having a bad day.

But what does God want to show us through this?

Maybe he wants to teach us humility. To demonstrate that HE is our strength. 

Even though we always say we can't do it on our own, sometimes we step out in our flesh. 

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." -2 Corinthians 12:9

When it comes to our writing (and our life for that matter) do we avoid looking in the mirror?  Or are we like the man beholding his face in the glass who walks away forgetting our faults? (James 1:24-25)

I believe God wants us to be introspective to notice the faults in our writing and then be proactive.

Sometimes I struggle with staying in that place, only thinking about my weaknesses.  It can paralyze my writing life.

There are no quick fixes for our writing faults, I believe God transforms our writing bit by bit. 

We shouldn't overlook the practical things, I've been blessed by taking a writing class in an area of weakness (descriptive writing).  ACFW and Mount Hermon Recordings have wonderful conference CDs available. 

Ask questions of others.  Maybe ask a critique partner to read a piece of yours with a particular weakness in mind and find all the areas where you struggle with this. 

Just like life change, writing change can be humbling.  In class I have weekly been asked to share my writing aloud.  I am an introverted person writing in one of my weakest areas.  So this has been stretching.

Sometimes I think we find it easier to be involved in the writing world online and there is so much on the web, but I think there is great value in meeting with local writers and building writing relationships where we can tell the truth.

How has God transformed your writing life?

The Patient Artist

“Life is Short, Art is Long”

This saying was displayed in the green room of my high school theatre. As young thespians, we were held to an expectation to create art upon the stage, art to be remembered. We would practice until it hurt, study our characters in depth, train our voices to be heard, as well as convey the type of person we were portraying.

All in the name of “Art”.

Creating art in our writing is just as worthy as the many hours an actor develops his character to produce live art on stage. And in Christian writing, we not only hope our art will be forever remembered—like a Shakespeare tragedy or the massive painting of the Sistine Chapel—we hope our art will point to the eternal God Who will never be forgotten.

An actor can memorize his lines and give them clearly on the stage. Or he can embrace them, create new ways to portray them, design the character's facial expressions, tones, reactions. A writer can write a good story. Or he can paint pictures with words, create vivid places, stir the soul of the reader with brilliant twists and turns. Create a masterpiece.

As an aspiring writer, it helps me to remember the above saying. It puts up speed bumps in my mind so I practice patience in my craft. To miss the opportunity to pour art on the page of a novel, is as sad as an actor whose performance is forgotten by the time the curtain closes.

Life is short...it runs away from us, and we are spun around in circles, breathless and unsure how we could ever get anything done in such limited time...

but...

Art is long...it will engrave itself in the heart of the beholder, and press its message into their very Spirit.

What's Up The Street For Next Week?

This is what the Alley Cats are doing this weekend!!!!!

Yup, that's right.

Snoopy Dancing.

BECAUSE...

An Alley Cat FINALED in the Genesis Contest!!!!!

We are SO PROUD of Pepper who finaled TWICE. Once in Contemporary Romance and AGAIN in the YA category.

You can send your congratulations to pepperbasham (at) yahoo (dot) com

AND THEN JOIN IN THE PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's up the street for next week... (besides extreme excitement)

Every writer creates art as a writer. Learn to recognize the talent God has given you with Angie on Monday

Our fiction has weak places, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Stop by on Tuesday to share with Julia on identifying and strenghtening the weak places in our fiction.

Grab those check list, Sarah has tip #7 for you to mark off this time with Point of View on Wednesday

Get Smart, Get Short or Go Home. Creating Succinct Sentences with Wendy on Thursday

Stop by Friday for Score a Well-Rounded Manuscript series, with techniques, including pacing, sentence structure, strong verbs and tone/themes with Cindy.

NewsStand...

The winner of the Art of Romance by Kaye Dacus is... Amanda!! (with many thanks to Kaye for offering the giveaway)

Stop by Pepper's blog post to share in her exciting Genesis News!!

Casey is posting today (Saturday!) at the Pentalk Community blog: Find Your Word Budget and STICK TO IT!

Sherrinda is giving away Breath of an Angel by Karyn Henley on her blog on Wednesday

Stop by Casey's blog for the chance to win Lorna Seilstad's A Great Catch

And MANY congratulations to ALL the Genesis Finalists!!!!!

Lessons Learned from a Pencil

Hanging over the office computer desk where I do the bulk of my writing and all my internet activities is a framed plaque with five pencils displaced within.



First: the typical pencil with well-sharpened point and fully formed eraser. The caption underneath: Model shown comes equipped with executive “Cylindrical Malfunction Adjuster”.


Second: a pencil with well-sharpened points at both ends. The caption underneath: One for those who make no mistakes.


Third: a pencil with a fully formed eraser on both ends. The caption underneath: One for those who make only mistakes.


Fourth: a short pencil with a well-sharpened point and full formed eraser. The caption underneath: One for those who do very little.


Fifth: a short pencil, no well-sharpened point and no fully formed eraser. The caption underneath: And one for those who do absolutely nothing.


When you look at the plaque as a whole you see at the top of the sign is this message to the user:


Featuring:


• Fine or large print (manual control)

• Letters, words or entire phrases can be deleted with a flick of the wrist.

• Polished wooden cabinet

• Unlimited memory capacity depending upon the aptitude of the user.


Before there were computers to hold and contain our every thought and be a willing component in our fiction pursuits, there was the…pencil. Aren’t there days when you “become” one of those five pencils featured above?

The first is your standard pencil: Your typical day is spent amongst your characters. You erase and polish, write and use up your unlimited memory capacity upon that day until a cramp in your hand (and brain) slows the flow until another time. The perfect writing day really.

The second, for those that make no mistakes: We have days like this right? Probably on the days we get our contest results back. How could they possibly think such dirty things about my hard (and perfect) work! I’ve always thought that pencil looked a bit pretentious hanging up there.

The third for those that make only mistakes: Those are usually the days we struggle to write, correct? Many days we just can’t write for the knowledge that this is the worst writing we have ever slapped on paper. And slapped is right. Paint-ball mess. Worthy of the slush-pile writing. That pencil always makes me sad to look at it. I try to not draw inspiration from that one.

The fourth, for those that do very little: On those days when nothing wants to come, the word count is stifled at best and no matter how much we struggle we just can’t force them past gray matter. But you could look at it this way: maybe that pencil is short because you spent a hard day at work…

The Fifth is probably the most powerful, for those that do nothing: If we don’t sit down every day and write we will have nothing. Everyone says they want to write a novel. But you are different; you are sitting down and actually doing it. This pencil should inspire you the most. Because when you look at it you should see all the dreams that died before they ever began. You’ll see all the promises you made to yourself that you never kept.


Maybe it’s time to trade in that stubby piece of nothing for the real edition. Or better yet, go sharpen that stub and just begin.


Because nothing can be completed without first starting.


Which pencil are you?

Trendsetters I

"To be or not to be, that is the question..." 

My writer's dichotomy: to write what the market dictates or to write the awe inspiring, compelling story electrified with personal passion and risk the market.

Some of my manuscripts have been safely tucked on my computer waiting for the market to realize the need. :)

On the other hand, my current WIP might complement both worlds if I added a tweak or two. Wouldn't it be nice to write the next blockbusting trendsetter of to-be-published books?

Easier said than done, I know. 


How can I transform my WIP to a trendsetter?


Here are some starters:

A trendsetting book does not need to be a new idea:


Someone once said, "There's no such thing as a new story." (I'd credit the person, if I knew who he or she was.)  


The 2000 blockbuster movie, Cast Away, marooned Tom Hank's character on an island for several years. So captivated by the Fed Ex agent's plight, I didn't notice this was the same story as Robinson Crusoe until someone pointed it out to me.  Was this story a mere remake? Hardly. Cast Away sparked freshness, appeal, and power.  It yanked viewers from their seats and plunged them deep into a gripping story.

Take a moment to think about your current WIP plot.  What story is it similar to: Cinderella, (rags to riches) Sleeping Beauty, (dashing prince saves the damsel) etc.?  What special barriers have you used in your plot to yank your readers from their sofas and plunged them deep into your gripping story?

A trendsetting book feels, breathes, and responds:


I'm not referring only to romance novels. Stephen King's books own these qualities as well.

Authors like King, Clancy, Asimov, Shakespeare, Blackstone, Rivers, Alcorn, and a host of others have crafted stories that pry doors open and propel readers into parallel worlds. On the other side of each door lays a golden invitation meticulously centered on a silver platter, inviting--enticing--daring readers to turn the page.

These trendsetting authors teased readers with simple temptations: come--turn the page and walk into my frightening room where fears are tested; close your eyes as you enter the murder room or prison, wash up on the shores of the uninhabited island, climb the Himalayas, plunge into the ocean, creep into the dark alley, swoosh into your true loves arms, or rest in the romantic cabin aboard a cruise ship.

Then on the last page, the last paragraph, the last line, the last word--readers will force themselves to breathe again--and wish for more. 


Only a trendsetter could do this.


This has turned into a greater topic than I thought. Part II will be posted in two weeks. 

Until then, what are your thoughts?

What story made you whip through its pages, desperately fighting sleep to finish another chapter, or possibly the last page? 

How can your novel make future writers say, "I'd wish I thought of that?"


How have you added spices to your novel to cause readers to savor the words, characters, plot, or setting and think about them the next day?